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Larry
post Aug 12 10, 12:50
Post #1


Creative Chieftain
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,727
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



I would like to preface this submission with a note that this poem is being submitted to the John Lennon Poetry Competition in Liverpool for the celebration of 70 years from his birth and 30 years from his untimely death. If you care to participate by submitting a poem of your own, the particulars may be found at this link: John Lennon Competition

Revised 9/14/10

Last Lyrics

What could I sing to you today? Explain
how meaning�s shadow slips behind each word
eluding minds; but then impales the heart?
A simple message from some soft refrain
breathes life into a thought that�s never heard�
as understanding fades. Let me impart

that life subsides to never could have been
with careless steps into the wrong unknown.
Regret the brevity in life and love
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone,
new songs ascend into the light. What of

my legacy in lilting epigram?
I�m touching you with mem�ries. Yes� I am!






Last Words

What could I sing to you today? Explain
how meaning�s shadow slips behind each word,
or hides from minds and then impales the heart?
A simple message from some soft refrain
breathes life into a thought that�s never heard,
for understanding fades. Let me impart

that life subsides to never could have been
with single steps into the wrong unknown.
Regret the brevity in life and love
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone,
new songs ascend into the light. What of

my legacy in lilting epigram?
I�m touching you with memories. Yes� I am!


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Sep 10 10, 13:33
Post #2


Mosaic Master
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Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Larry,

What a lovely poem! I hav a few suggestions and as always, take what you like and toss the rest. grinning.gif

Cheers
~Cleo sun.gif

What could I sing to you today? Explain
how meaning�s shadow slips behind each word
eluding minds; but then impales the heart? No need for that semi-colon there. Strong visuals here!
A simple message from some soft refrain
breathes life into a thought that�s never heard�
as understanding fades. Let me impart

that life subsides to never could have been
with careless steps into the wrong unknown. Here I suggest finding a sub for �into the wrong unknown� � the word �wrong� is throwing this off a tad for my eyes and ears. Perhaps something like �with careless steps: erroneous unknown� could fit there?
Regret the brevity in life and love I keep reading this line as the brevity OF life. Do you mean regret how short life and love IS, or to regret the briefness of life and love itself living each day? I�m a bit confused so am not sure if the follow-on line is another statement. I understand we need to live each day to its fullest, so assume this it what you mean by �when�.
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone, A bit of a metrical bump here: laid bare to the bone.
new songs ascend into the light. What of

my legacy in lilting epigram?
I�m touching you with mem�ries. Yes� I am!
Beautiful ending Larry!


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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