Disaster's Triage, RF Challenge - The Road Not Taken Options

[Larry]

Disaster’s Triage (tweaked - TY Lori)

Tin shacks and cardboard huts propped up with wood
are gone. Uncaring Earth erased them. Both
entombed in brick and stucco that once stood
beside them. Raining down on those who could
not seek a haven in the undergrowth.

No judge to rule on what was right or fair,
to hear the anguished pleas of those who claim
they had no food or clothing they could wear.
Those were interred with friends and neighbors there
among the piles of rubble, and the same

was true of fractured families who lay
beneath the shattered buildings. All was black
and dusty clouds blocked out the light of day.
Some few, exhumed by those who found a way
to rescue broken bodies, bring them back;

are granted respite from that final sigh.
Not so for many others taken hence
to lie in rest with strangers. Would that I
were able to assist and help them by
grief’s river flowing through indifference.


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Tin shacks and cardboard huts propped up with wood
are gone. Uncaring Earth erased them. Both
entombed in brick and stucco that once stood
beside them. Raining down on those who could
not find safety in hillside undergrowth.

No judge to rule on what was right or fair,
to hear the anguished pleas of those who claim
they had no food; or clothing they could wear.
That was interred with friends and neighbors there
among the piles of rubble, and the same

could be said of their families which lay
beneath the shattered buildings. All was black
and dusty clouds blocked out the light of day.
Some few, exhumed by those who found a way
to rescue broken bodies, bring them back;

are granted respite from that final sigh.
Not so for many others taken hence
to lie in rest with strangers. Would that I
were able to assist and help them by
grief’s river flowing through indifference.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

I'm so glad you posted this challenge response over here! I'd like to nominate it for the upcoming IBPC as I feel it is deserving of a much wider audience. Love your title, not sure if I'll suggest anything but let's take a look...


Tin shacks and cardboard huts propped up with wood
are gone. Uncaring Earth erased them. Both
entombed in brick and stucco that once stood
beside them. Raining down on those who could
not find safety in hillside undergrowth. --This line seems a bit bumpy. How about something like: "not find a haven in the undergrowth."

No judge to rule on what was right or fair,
to hear the anguished pleas of those who claim
they had no food; or clothing they could wear. --delete semi-colon and change or to nor
That was interred with friends and neighbors there
among the piles of rubble, and the same

could be said of their families which lay --I feel a slight bump here. Perhaps something like, "could be said of loved ones dear which lay" -- I know it's short one but the metrical flow still works.
beneath the shattered buildings. All was black
and dusty clouds blocked out the light of day.
Some few, exhumed by those who found a way
to rescue broken bodies, bring them back; (so poignant!)

are granted respite from that final sigh.
Not so for many others taken hence
to lie in rest with strangers. Would that I
were able to assist and help them by
grief’s river flowing through indifference.

This is a stunning poem, Larry! Look for my IBPC nom PM shortly!
~Cleo