 haiku, haiku |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
| Guest_prerna bala_* |
 Jan 14 09, 12:22
Post
#1
|
  |
revise 1
sloping roofs: splash slides for snow high noon sun ------------ splash! sound of molten snow waters down the cold |
  
|
|
 |
Replies
|
Jan 22 09, 15:22
Post
#2
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (prerna bala @ Jan 14 09, 17:22 )  splash! sound of molten snow waters down the cold Hi prerna A nice concise haiku - although I'm trying to visualise the last line (I'm a bit slow today - LOL!) I am aware that there are 2 forms of haiku, the traditional where a 5-7-5 line count is required & a more modern form where conciseness is the key. Yours fits the second one very well. I can see why you used 'molten' as the snow is heated until it becomes water. I'm sure I'll catch on to the last line eventually. Altogether, a great haiku. I'll be back if I think of any logical suggestions. Snow 
·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
prerna bala haiku Jan 14 09, 12:22 
Larry Hello Prerna,
As you've seen and replied to i... Jan 19 09, 15:43 
prerna bala Larry, i want the reader to hear the sound of wate... Jan 29 09, 15:56 ohsteve Prenra, I unlike Snow have not heard of two forms ... Jan 26 09, 03:01 prerna bala hi Snow, i intend to rewrite it as a 5-7-5 and als... Jan 29 09, 16:01 prerna bala yes steve.
so the traditional one reads :
splas... Jan 29 09, 16:09 ohsteve Prerna, they are both good, if snow is correct in ... Jan 29 09, 20:53 Cleo_Serapis Hello Prerna.
Is this your revision to post?
spl... Jan 30 09, 06:26 Larry Hi Prerna,
I had trouble finding your revision un... Jan 30 09, 12:54 prerna bala Steve, Cleo and Larry, thank you.
Steve, i want t... Jan 30 09, 16:28 Sekhmet Hello Perna balla Steve, Cleo & Larry.
For so... Feb 26 09, 14:03 prerna bala hi,
have been away from the boards for sometime ... Jul 22 09, 05:01 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
 |
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 27th June 2025 - 17:33 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
