Haiku, 4th Revision Options

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

4th revision

I awake...equate
Hyacynth knifes through thin snow
must be spring time now.

3rd Revison

I awake...equate
lily heads wave above thin snow
must be spring time now.

2nd revision

I awake...equate
lilies grow in thin snow;
they spring forth in Spring.

Revised

I awake...equate
flowers grow a thin snow;
must be spring now.

Original

I awake, equate
flower grows from white snow bank
must be spring time now.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Steve,

Back again:

I awake...equate
lilies grow in thin snow; (is there another word to use for 'grow' here?)
they spring forth in Spring

Aside from the shortened line in L2 (need one more syl), I'm not certain you have to name the season?

If you changed thin snow, to melting snow, you could then say something like:
they burst forth in thaw

another idea:
vernal equinox or vernal season's come

So, you might have something like:

I awake...equate
lilies reach through thawing snow;
vernal season's come

I awake...equate
lilies spring forth through thawed snow;
vernal equinox

~Cleo