 Air to a Summers Day, An Oxynation. |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
 Sep 24 08, 07:43
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry  |
Revision 5.40:pm 26th September 2008
Air to a Summer's DAY Summer: silent steps with gentle feet and from flowers bees buzz merrily. Creatures clothed in pigments that deceive; dissolve into nature's wonderland-- where blows a hot wind to kiss my cheek. Air to a Summers DAY Summer: steps with gentle feet and from flowers, bees buzz merrily. Insects sporting pigments that decieve fade into coloured petaled chambers. Where blows a hot wind to kiss my cheek. repeat Where blows a hot wind to kiss my cheek. John 
·······  ·······Arnfinn
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Sep 28 08, 17:51
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi John,
I'm not familiar with this style, but I think your poem is quite lovely and lyrical!!  Makes me wish it were still summer in the northern hemisphere, too!! I can't give you any significant advise, but I do notice two nits. You shouldn't have the comma after "feet." Also, "nature" needs an apostrophe and an "s." (nature's) Peggy ······· ······· |
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Posts in this topic
Arnfinn Air to a Summers Day Sep 24 08, 07:43 
ohsteve John, Is that first word summen or summer? Makes a... Sep 24 08, 19:00 Arnfinn G'day Steve,
Summer, mate.
I left a word out... Sep 26 08, 02:36 Arnfinn Hi, Peg
Nah, I want a pause before 'and... Sep 29 08, 06:06 Peggy Carpenter Harwood Hi John,
Thanks for clarifying "air." ... Sep 29 08, 08:46 Cleo_Serapis Hey John,
What a lovely new take on your Summer... Sep 29 08, 19:29 Arnfinn Yeah, Peg,
The whole scenario, is captivating. ... Sep 30 08, 09:04 Arnfinn Hi Lori,
Yeah, I'm very happy with this piec... Sep 30 08, 09:09 ohsteve John, I like the change very much, makes for an ea... Sep 30 08, 15:34 Arnfinn Thank Steve,
I think I'll take the girls adv... Oct 1 08, 02:44 prerna bala your nine silly bulls sing a nice song Mister Jan 13 09, 06:49 
Arnfinn Thank You PB,
dON'T GET ME GOING.
i... Jan 14 09, 05:50 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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