Hibiscus Magic Options

[Orion]

My toes didn't care
if last night's leftover rains
drenched them on this early morning

walk to the middle
of that glorious hibiscus
whispering, wooingly, to the
camera-woman,

"Put your coffee cup down - now;
pick up your camera!"

The backyard trip was
well worth soaked sandals
and feet - and ankles -
traipsing in blades,
wispy, wet, swaying.

What was this calling about?
Moved me from my cozy kitchen
to see delicate beauty
through mesmerized lens-

{click}

little bee in bee heaven,
bee toes pollen-dipped in
piles of snow-white

{click}

If a bee could have
smiled, I know this
bee was grinning for
a quick shot.

Left a wondering me -
who was happier
the saturated photographer
or the pollinated bee?

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Jan,

What a visually neat poem, and the imagery put me right there with the MC behind the camera walking through the yard, enjoying the scenery it presents. I also wonder why you chose to break the stanza after 'early morning' and concluded that you wanted the emphasis to be on morning instead of walk - hope that's correct? I would suggest (and yours to T or T) a slightly different arrangement in the opening and I'm not convinced the word 'leftover' is necessary and thought of 'storms' with rain. I offer this suggestion below.\;

My toes didn't care
if last night's rainstorms
drenched them

on this early morning walk

to the middle
of that glorious hibiscus
whispering, wooingly,
to the camera-woman,

I like the imagery and sonics here, I felt as though my own feet were wet from the walk: Suggest removing the 'ands':
The backyard trip was
well worth soaked sandals
and feet - and ankles -
traipsing in blades,
wispy, wet, swaying.

The closing compliments the story well Jan. I visualize the bee dipping to and fro in the hibiscus and getting lost in it, coming upo for air every so often. I suggest a few teensy changes in punctuation as follows, your to T or T:

Left a wondering me -
who was happier
the saturated photographer
or the pollinated bee?

Left a wondering me;
who was happier --
the saturated photographer
or the pollinated bee?

I've one question, don't bees pollinate the flower or does the flower pollinate the bee?

Enjoyed!
~Cleo