 Snowflake ~ Revised 12/12/06, Atarlis Fileata |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
| Guest_Cathy_* |
  Dec 11 06, 16:30
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#1
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Snowflake ~ Revision 1
Tat lace of frosty flake in five-point grace; a crystal-flocked snowy wake of wintry white embrace in frosty-flaked tatted lace. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright Dec 2006 Snowflake ~ Original Tat lace of frosty flake in five-point grace; a crystal-flocked snowy wake that winter winds embrace in frosty-flaked tatted lace. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright Dec 2006 Atarlis Fileata [At’-ar-lee’ Fee-lee-ah’-tay] (Gaelic for "repeating poetic") is a 7-line poem with 2, 3, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2 words per line, and only one rhyme — in the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th lines: ABacaBA, the first two lines reversing as the last two lines. (There may be a very slight variation in line 6 and 7, usually only changing one word or rearranging the words already used, but saying basically the same thing.) There may be any # of stanzas, but each stanza must be able to stand alone. |
  
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(1 - 12)
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Dec 11 06, 19:47
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 20,619 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
This is a beautiful piece, Cat. It's good to see you writing in your own creation again, and this is a fitting one to continue your collection, methinks.
I'm assuming that you're using 'tat' as a verb, therefore making this a 'telling to do' sort of image? I'm not sure why you have 'flake' in the singular, since it seems more natural in the plural. It concerned with the shape, then I'd probably want to say "with" in place of "in" along with the plural, perhaps like this ? QUOTE(Cathy @ Dec 11 06, 16:30 ) [snapback]88478[/snapback] Snowflake Tat lace of frosty flakes with five-point grace; a crystal-flocked snowy wake that winter winds embrace into frosty-flaked tatted lace. flickin' sLightly, Daniel 
·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner        |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 12 06, 09:21
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#3
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QUOTE(JustDaniel @ Dec 11 06, 21:47 ) [snapback]88489[/snapback] This is a beautiful piece, Cat. It's good to see you writing in your own creation again, and this is a fitting one to continue your collection, methinks.
Thank you Daniel! *smiles* I'm assuming that you're using 'tat' as a verb, therefore making this a 'telling to do' sort of image? I'm not sure why you have 'flake' in the singular, since it seems more natural in the plural. Whoever said I was 'natural'?? LOL I like 'Snowflake' for a title better than 'Snowflakes'... go figure! LOL So I kept the flake in the poem singular. It concerned with the shape, then I'd probably want to say "with" in place of "in" along with the plural, perhaps like this ? QUOTE(Cathy @ Dec 11 06, 16:30 ) [snapback]88478[/snapback] Snowflake Tat lace of frosty flakes with five-point grace; a crystal-flocked snowy wake that winter winds embrace into frosty-flaked tatted lace. flickin' sLightly, Daniel Changing to 'into' would change the image slightly. The winds are embracing the snow, not turning into snow. I appreciate your suggestions and they did get me to thinkin'... (oh no! LOL That can be dangerous!) and I changed line 5. I like it better! Thanks so much! Cat  |
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Dec 12 06, 12:08
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#4
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
This is such a festive, pretty poem Cathy!
 I like the change from winter to wintry and will be back again soon. Well done! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner      |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 12 06, 13:14
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#5
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Thanks Lori! I look forward to your return!
Cathy
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| Guest_Don_* |
Dec 12 06, 17:10
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#6
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December 11, 2006 revision looks very good to me.
Don |
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Dec 12 06, 18:10
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#7
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Cathy
This is absolutely beautiful -- I like the change of 'winter' to 'wintry'. I really cannot nit this at all. You are so clever!! Snow
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 12 06, 18:17
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#8
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QUOTE(Don @ Dec 12 06, 19:10 ) [snapback]88534[/snapback] December 11, 2006 revision looks very good to me. Don Thank you Don! Cathy |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 12 06, 18:19
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#9
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QUOTE(Eisa @ Dec 12 06, 20:10 ) [snapback]88538[/snapback] Hi Cathy This is absolutely beautiful -- I like the change of 'winter' to 'wintry'. I really cannot nit this at all. You are so clever!! Snow Thank you Snow! I appreciate the kind words... I'm blushing! LOL Cathy  
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Dec 15 06, 01:11
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#10
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Hi Cathy,
I have no nits for this one. I've stopped in dozens of times wanting to leave a real critique, only to sit and read the poem several times just for the loveliness and enjoyment. Then, a fleeting inspiration would arise and I would rush off to get it onto paper, attempting to tackle this wonderful form (and it disappears before I can make sense of it) ... So, finally instead of having your poem inspire me to other tasks, I wanted to stop in and tell you that I've been watching this and think it is a fresh, poignant poem - The form is quite new to me and hopefully I will soon have that musing captured and readily at bay to try one. I wanted to let you know that your word choices, for both their sound qualities and meaning interlace lovely within the poem and I think you've got a beautiful treasure of a poem here. Hugs, Liz ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 15 06, 08:18
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#11
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Wow! Thank you Liz!
I'm sorry you lost the moment! I do that so often and it really gets frustrating. I hope you don't give up though. I'd love to see one from you! I'm glad you enjoyed this one~ Cathy
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Dec 15 06, 09:06
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#12
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 20,619 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
And I've not only lost the momemt but the momentum of late, Cat. I can't seem to write anything of import or value...
so your fine piece here inspired me to write about my lack of inspiration in a piece in your form. How's that for depressing?!  Liz is right, Cat. This is a reflective keeper. Don't let it melt away! sLightly depressed, but pluggin' away, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 15 06, 13:04
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#13
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I've not been able to write much lately either... LOL! I keep trying though.
I'm off to read your latest! Cat
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