Triolet, Poetic Form Exercise Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

The Triolet is a poetic form consisting of only 8 lines.  Within a Triolet, the 1st, 4th, and  7th lines repeat, as do the 2nd and 8th lines.  

The rhyme scheme is quite simple:  ABaAabAB, capital letters representing the repeated lines.

As an exercise, I learned of the Triolet from Shadow Poetry recently and have come to respect the form a great deal.

You can write them in iambic tetrameter, or try it in pentameter where each line only has 10 syllables for an added challenge with 4 and 5 metrical feet, respectively, although not a requirement of the form.

The repeating lines do NOT have to be the same words per se, but MUST have the same SOUNDS..for example, line 1 could start with "I" and line 4 could start with "Eye".

Good luck!

An example for you from my first attempt at the triolet:

Fervor's Lust

In response to Percy Bysshe Shelley's "The Indian Serenade"

The night is filled with fervor's lust,
where whispers of our love is told;
and in this trance of forlorn trust,
the night is filled with fervor's lust.
Our climax swells with sun's slow thrust;
Star's gleam is lost in sorrow's hold.
The night is filled with fervor's lust,
where whispers of our love is told.

Copyright © 2003 Lorraine M Kanter

[Cleo_Serapis]

Do you know who the 'she' is here?

Tears of Morning Dew

She gaits the edge of water's shore
to drape the tears of morning dew;
where meadows of the yellow soar,
she gaits the edge of water's shore.
Arise! Observe, from flowered floor,
archaic stars ascend the blue.
She gaits the edge of water's shore
to drape the tears of morning dew.

© Lorraine M Kanter 27 June 2003

[JustDaniel]

Triolet: an eight line poem with the following pattern:

A
B
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
b - Rhymes with 2nd line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
B - Identical to 2nd line.

Variations in this form may include altering the punctuation used in its refrains or using homonyms. While a refrain line should sound identical to the line it echoes, its meaning does not have to be fixed. Wordplay may enrich a Triolet.

For an excellent description of the form, see Conrad Geller's article on Triolet:
http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/triolet.shtml

Here are a couple of mine to give you at least a taste of my personal take on the form:

Best-Laid Plans . . .

Pursue the things I want, avoiding pain;
I only want the best!  I have a plan . . .
Adversity derails my dreams – again.
“Pursue the things I want, avoiding pain,”
a rumbling echo wakens; I complain.
His gentle whisper stills this finite man:
“Pursue the things I want, avoiding pain.
I only want the best; I have a plan.”

© Daniel J Ricketts 06 July 2003

Exculpatory Thoughts

Exculpatory ! Thoughts may trouble thee;
so never fear; look up!  The Word is there.
Thy diction nary stumbles on; there'll be
exculpatory thoughts -- may trouble thee.

Thy dictionary stumbles on... “I'll be!”
(Can’t charge me now with ignorance!  Who’d dare?)

Exculpatory thoughts may trouble thee,
so never fear look up; the word is there.

© Daniel J Ricketts 11 July 2003

. . . and this one cheats a little:

Ill Triolet

I’ll try!  “Oh, let the lines just flow!” you say.
That seems to work for you, but not for me.
Perhaps in time  I’ll write free verse; today
I’ll triolet  the lines. “Just flow!”  you say?
But how, without some form?  It feels okay
at times, but then I lose it.  Help me see!
“I’ll try; oh let the lines just flow!” You say
that seems to work?  . . . for you, but not for me.

© Daniel J Ricketts 05 July 2003

Now YOU give it a try!
deLightedly, Daniel  

[Athena]

My Goodness, Daniel!

Thank you so very much for your teaching and super singing samples!  

However, I have a question:  From your description of the triolet I recognize that in your first and third ones, but the second one is different again, is it not?  Either that or I don't yet understand a triolet.

I don't think I'll try one because to tell you the truth, (I'll whisper it, I don't think I like this form of poem all that much.)    

The other repeating poems you demonstrated some time back were the pantoum and the villanelle, and I doubt I'll attempt those either, but not for the same reason.  I think these are simply too difficult for me at this level of my poetic education.  If you remember the villenelle that I liked so much, about plowing your fields, I would invite you to post it here.  I really loved that one.  Maybe you could explain the rules for it, too?  Would be super!

Thanks again, my friend,

Blessings,
Dolly  

[Guest_Jox_*]

Thank you Daniel; much appreciated (and I do mean that despite my gripes).

Dolly... Why don't you like toilets? My reasons are (a) Not much liking form as a restriction but (in this particular case - b) The wasted lines in the repetition.

Daniel - why joys am I missing please? (ie what do you get from toilets I don't).

Sorry about the spelling I've given up trying on this one - my spell checker always beats me. I did teach it how to spell "toilet" as in poem but I taught it wrong apparently, so I'm sticking with "toilet".

[Guest__*]

Each scripted line must change then move.
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change. Then move
each word and gently hone.
This rule applies though it may vex.
Each scripted line must change then? Move
and add some variation to the text.


A

[Cleo_Serapis]

Thanks super muchly (I make up my own words) Daniel, Athena and Jox for continuing our Triolet exercise!  :dance:

I have merged the two separate Triolet threads into one here.

A special HELLO to "A" from Thebes! Welcome my old friend!  :pharoah2

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Cleo_Serapis]

Each scripted line must change then move.
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change. Then move
each word and gently hone.
This rule applies though it may vex.
Each scripted line must change then? Move
and add some variation to the text.


A

Welcome to the Mosaic "A"!  :pharoah2  :lovie:  :cloud9:

Excellent triolet btw (with a lesson inside)!  :sun:

Look forward to seeing more of your works!

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest__*]

Greetings Beloved Princess of the Nile.

I apologise for not seeiing the previous example.

I had sand in my eyes.

A

[Cleo_Serapis]

Greetings Beloved Princess of the Nile.

I apologise for not seeiing the previous example.

I had sand in my eyes.

A

Ouchie Pharaoh!

I know the feeling - darn sand gets in my hair, eyes, skin....not good for the complexion!  :jester:

 :pharoah:

Now - about your triolet - is not line 8 supposed to match line 2???

[Guest__*]

The one I posted was an Ancient Egyptian triolet. gulp!

Things havce evolved since then.

Each scripted line must change then move,
and add some variation to the text.
yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change. Then move
each word and thus improve
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Each scripted line must change then? Move
and add some variation to the text.


Doesn't sound so poetic somehow.

A

[Cleo_Serapis]

The one I posted was an Ancient Egyptian triolet. gulp!

Things havce evolved since then.

Each scripted line must change then move,
and add some variation to the text.
yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change. Then move
each word and thus improve
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Each scripted line must change then? Move
and add some variation to the text.


Doesn't sound so poetic somehow.

A

Ahh...perhaps if you tried some meter matching here it would help?

In a challenge that Aphrodie and I did (which is how I learned of Triolet) they added another layer of complexity by making us stick to an 8 syllable beat per line - I added my own compexity to that and made it iambic pentameter....

It sure made the 'flow' sound nicer when the words worked off each other.

Perhaps you can try this?

I scan below 8/10/8/8/6/8/8/10


Each scripted line must change then move,
and add some variation to the text.
yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change. Then move
each word and thus improve
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Each scripted line must change then? Move
and add some variation to the text.

Perhaps a shift to make all lines 8 syllables first - then we can adjust the meter/accents?

Something like:
Each scripted line must change then move,
and add some rhythm to the text;
yet stay within the rhyming groove.
Each scripted line must change then move
each word shall dance and thus improve.
The sentence shape must shift and flex,
Each scripted line must change then move
and add some rhythm to the text.

Whatcha think?
Cleo

[JustDaniel]

Just in case Tom is around still... this is merely a fantasy toying with the form... and by no stretch of the imagination autobiographical!

Alas, no date…

Alas, no date for my sweet lips to taste;
perhaps my life ain’t even worth a fig.
Those dromedary humps in arid waste…
all ass… no date.  For my sweet lips to taste
unending liquid kisses, I’d shun haste
to reach oasis love… yes, those unchaste
attempts to grow a palm from but a twig…
alas, no date for my sweet lips to taste;
perhaps my life ain’t even worth a fig.

© M Lee Dickens’son 16 Feb 2004

[Cleo_Serapis]

Just in case Tom is around still... this is merely a fantasy toying with the form... and by no stretch of the imagination autobiographical!

Alas, no date…

Alas, no date for my sweet lips to taste;
perhaps my life ain’t even worth a fig.
Those dromedary humps in arid waste…
all ass… no date.  For my sweet lips to taste
unending liquid kisses, I’d shun haste
to reach oasis love… yes, those unchaste
attempts to grow a palm from but a twig…
alas, no date for my sweet lips to taste;
perhaps my life ain’t even worth a fig.

© M Lee Dickens’son 16 Feb 2004

Hi Daniel!

Tom will be so proud when he reads this one, your latest triolet masterpiece!

Our "Akh" has been having severe eye problems (as I'm sure you can relate) and promises to be back as soon as he can see well again without those dizzy spells.

I sure do miss him too!

a WONDERFUL piece here!

Cleo :pharoah2

[JustDaniel]

Thanks, Lori!

I posted it for crit too, if you care to kick it in the arse a bit.

sharin' deLight, Daniel  :sun:

[Guest__*]

Dear Daniel

"kick it in the arse"

AhA ! Brits (slang) rule UK ! (Not to mention the good ol' .....)

Love
Alan

PS  In the early days of cricket there were people who played the game, and others who were professionals at it - the Gentlemen and the Players

You, the word-player of all time, might yet graduate to becoming a word-gentleman !

[heartsong7]

My first triolet:

A Clever Phrase

This muse who’d penned a clever phrase
despaired lest it grow too well-known,
Would critters claim in coming days
this muse who’d penned a clever phrase
had authored but a passing craze?
Thus seeing usage had so grown,
this muse who’d penned a clever phrase
despaired lest it grow too well-known.

by Susan

[JustDaniel]

A Cleaver Phase

How long I now for shorter days,
for life will end so soon!  For me
to try to multiply – to raise
how long….  I now for shorter days
would opt.  To navigate this maze
I’d slash with butcher knife, be free.
How long I now?  For shorter days
for life; will end so soon for me.

© M Lee Dickens’ son 13 July 2004

P.S. Don't worry; I'm neither suicidal nor in major depression.  I just hadn't written a triolet in ages and kind of took up the challenge after reading yours, Susan!  Thanks; I needed THAT -- not a butcher knife!

Live long and prosper! V

[Cleo_Serapis]

Let's this form back to life...

Numinous Flicker



Essence dispersed… luminous sight,

flames of the numinous flicker.

Devotions immersed, two souls unite;

Essence dispersed. Luminous sight!

Triad of hope, passions ignite

nurturing sparks still, yet quicker.

Essence dispersed; luminous sight --

flames of the numinous flicker.


Copyright © Lorraine M. Kanter 26 July 2009

[JustDaniel]

Remember this one, Lori?

A Light Above the Wrest

But few can hold a candle to
our Dauntless Leader, Lor 2 K!
Two wick-ed ones got lit up, woo,
but few can hold a candle too:
they slightly soared above her, flew,
waxed eloquent . . . yet melt away.
But few can hold a candle to
our Dauntless Leader, Lor 2 K.

© Daniel J Ricketts 23 Sept 2003

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Daniel,


I had forgotten about this one! Thanks so muchfor bringing it back - although I must confess - I can'trecall what the "two-wick-ed ones" are?

~Cleo

[JustDaniel]

Is There a Write Time ?


If I've no time to write today

will something useful take its place?

Who'd ever know what I might say

if I've no time to write today?

Could my perspective have its sway

if left to drift away in space?

If I've no time to write today

will something useful take its place?


© MLee Dickens'son 2012

[Alan]

raise a largish glass to our Charles
who sings blues like only he can
with clicks, repetition and snarls
Raise a largish glass to our Charles
for amusement of lowly carls
from before time even began
raise a largish glass to our Charles
who sings blues like only he can

Alan
but a rather feeble effort - no nneed to argue !

[Merlin]

My glass is filled with nectar of the gods:
Here’s to your health, and now a toast to me.
For Justin Case, a dram will beat the odds,
My glass is filled with nectar of the gods.
Next to the girls with tantalizing bods,
The restless youngbloods, mischievous and free;
My glass is filled with nectar of the gods.
Here’s to your health, and this is one for me.

[Alan]

MARITAL TRIOLET

I write a triolet per day
to keep my mind in exercise
my mind's made up, I have my say
I write a triolet per day
'I've all the housework while you play'
the wife has asked if this is wise
I write a triolet per day
to keep her tongue in exercise

Alan

PS NOT from life !

[JustDaniel]

I write this triolet to play
with Alan while he learns the scheme.
While biding time with him today,
I write this triolet to play
his little game to light the way
while he's composing self-esteem.
I write this triolet to play
with Alan while he learns the scheme.

[Alan]

This Alan don't need instruction
with triolets he's often played
to virtual destruct-i-on
this Alan don't need instruction
while building up a construction
except when rhyme-scheme's disobeyed
This Alan don't need instruction
with triolets he's often played

Alan

PS But thanks !

[JustDaniel]

Dear Alan,

I apologize for seeming presumptuous! I am always only attempting to be helpful without that sad characteristic. Please forgive me for it, would you? I'd thought you were experimenting here along with the others of us. I do, however, offer this observation:

Alan's wonderful always with forms
but his meter is often amiss.
He is eloquent when he performs;
Alan's wonderful always with forms,
but I must say his pace sometimes storms
off the norm in some metronome bliss.
Alan's wonderful always with forms
but his meter is often amiss.

offering further Light, Daniel

[Alan]

MISSING MY METER - MY METIER

My metier is often to miss
the item that I'd rather hit
reward, lots of boos and a hiss
My metier is often to miss
especially when I reminisce
but do I care ? No, not one whit
my metier is often to miss
the item that I'd rather hit

Alan

[JustDaniel]

Thank you for the new word for my vocabulary, Alan!!

Feel the beat! That is my métier
even sometimes when I'm writing 'free'!
I can touch it and smell the cachet
Feel the beat! That is my métier;
some would even say it's my forte.
Step inside every line, and you'll see;
feel the beat! That is my métier
even sometimes when I'm writing 'free'!

[Alan]

Nice one Daniel !

FEE FREE

Even most times, when I am writing free
I do it for the pleasure, not the pay
rarely's a fee involved in poetry
even most times, for I am writing free
I do it for the pleasure, and gladly
as that is my own choice, it is my way
even most times, when I am writing free
blast, damn it, for the pleasure, not the pay

Alan McAlpine Douglas

[JustDaniel]

My days are filled with walking pain;
at night the loneliness creeps in
and tries to throttle me again.
My days are filled with walking pain;
I pop the meds but don't complain
and take my wheelchair for a spin.
My days are filled with walking pain;
at night the loneliness creeps in.

© MLee Dickens’son 15 Dec 2018
(Daniel J Ricketts)

[Larry]

Much like the villanelle in form
but short so words must be concise
to share my thoughts. No verbal storm,
much like the villanelle in form.
One must be quick to plant the corm
in fertile minds. Three times, then twice;
much like the villanelle in form
but short so words must be concise.

[JustDaniel]

No reason I should sit and write
concisely or with lofty form
to place myself with folks polite.
No reason I should sit and write
out stanzas that ain't poor or trite
nor worry that they don't conform.
No reason I should sit and write
concisely or with lofty form.

[Larry]

Each form you’re wishing to perfect
takes lots of practice and much thought
to get it right. You may reject
each form. You’re wishing to perfect
a perfect phrase which will connect
with minds and hearts. What you have wrought…
each form you’re wishing to perfect
takes lots of practice and much thought.