 Beneath My Hand |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
| Guest_Cathy_* |
 Oct 30 05, 18:42
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#1
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I remember Black Suede - scented skin; muscles - firm, rippling. I feel the change in facial structure as you smile ... beneath my hand. Encircled by your warmth, wherein our love resides; I know your thoughts and you sense mine ... Placed upon your heart, I feel passion roiling; as lips draw near feelings grow stronger ... beneath my hand. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright Oct2005 |
  
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Replies
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Oct 31 05, 00:52
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#2
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Hi Cathy
A very passionate, sensual poem from you this time. Just a few thoughts: Beneath My Hand I remember Black Suede - scented skin; muscles - firm, rippling. ...mmmm I feel the change in facial structure as you smile ... beneath my hand. Encircled by your warmth, wherein our love resides; ...I wonder if you really need this line. Does love only live in his warmth? I know your thoughts and you sense mine ... ...aww, lovely Placed upon your heart, I feel passion roiling; ....is roiling the right word? If feels somewhat negative more how you'd describe a storm rather than passion. I can't think of an alternative that doesn't have a double meaning though. as lips draw near feelings grow stronger ... beneath my hand. ooer, my imagination is working overtime, LOL I enjoyed this, thanks Nina |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 31 05, 08:27
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#3
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Hi Nina,
A very passionate, sensual poem from you this time. I was thinking of my fiancee - who lives in central Michigan - so we are apart a good deal of the time. Last night I could actually smell his cologne! Just a few thoughts: Beneath My Hand I remember Black Suede - scented skin; muscles - firm, rippling. ...mmmm :laugh: I feel the change in facial structure as you smile ... beneath my hand. Encircled by your warmth, wherein our love resides; ...I wonder if you really need this line. Does love only live in his warmth? I guess not, seeing as how his "warmth" isn't here! Makes me sound dependent on his closeness doesn't it? mmmm I must save that line for something else. I know your thoughts and you sense mine ... ...aww, lovely Thank you! Placed upon your heart, I feel passion roiling; ....is roiling the right word? If feels somewhat negative more how you'd describe a storm rather than passion. I can't think of an alternative that doesn't have a double meaning though. I'm still working on that, I couldn't think of anything else either at the time ... as lips draw near feelings grow stronger ... beneath my hand. ooer, my imagination is working overtime, LOL ROFL I had to go back and reread the whole thing. I couldn't figure out what you were talking about but now ... Oh my!! Talk about double-meanings! lol :garfield: :garfield: :garfield: I enjoyed this, thanks I'm so glad you did and thanks for your comments!  Cathy |
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Oct 31 05, 14:04
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#4
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Hi Cathy
>C>I was thinking of my fiancee - who lives in central Michigan - so we are apart a good deal of the time. Last night I could actually smell his cologne! I didn't know you were engaged, congratulations. Is Michigan far from you (my knowledge of US georgraphy is very limited). Do you see him very often? Are you planning on getting married in the near future? Nina |
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Oct 31 05, 15:56
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#5
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Hello Cathy~
This is a different angle for a love poem. I liked it a lot. One has to be original with love poems and most times true feelings allow one to be original - and yours is no exception. Repetition of the 'beneath my hand' is very powerful as it creates a senuality and intrigue. It also keeps one in contact with the 'feelings' and the 'touches' of love. After all even holding hands is seen as affectionate. Yours goes way beyond with suggestions and reality. Well done. PP :) ·······  ······· |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 31 05, 17:48
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#6
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Hi Nina,
I didn't know you were engaged, congratulations. Thank you! It just happened 6 days ago and while we were talking online, can you believe it! He's had two surgeries in the last three weeks to remove some tumors that simply had to come out because a year ago he fought cancer. I haven't seen him in 9 months! Is Michigan far from you (my knowledge of US georgraphy is very limited). Do you see him very often? It's about a 5 hr drive from Indiana but due to circumstances beyond our control, I can't be there and he can't be here. But that will soon change! lol Are you planning on getting married in the near future? No date set at the moment, it's really going to depend on his recovery and the doctors. To be honest, I don't care when it is, I'm just tickled to know that he wants me to and I want him to be healthy! *smiles* Cathy  :sam:
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 31 05, 17:52
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#7
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Hi PP,
This is a different angle for a love poem. I liked it a lot. One has to be original with love poems and most times true feelings allow one to be original - and yours is no exception. Thank you! Repetition of the 'beneath my hand' is very powerful as it creates a senuality and intrigue. It also keeps one in contact with the 'feelings' and the 'touches' of love. After all even holding hands is seen as affectionate. Yours goes way beyond with suggestions and reality. lol Maybe too far beyond?? Nina's imagination ran further when reading than mine did when writing I think! ROFL But now I can see why!  :pumpkin: Well done. Thanks! Cathy |
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Nov 1 05, 01:17
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#8
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Hi Cathy
>C>Nina's imagination ran further when reading than mine did when writing I think! LOL, you can guarantee my imagination will always run further. >C>Thank you! It just happened 6 days ago and while we were talking online, can you believe it! that's wonderful. Many congratulations. Did you meet him online? >C>He's had two surgeries in the last three weeks to remove some tumors that simply had to come out because a year ago he fought cancer. I haven't seen him in 9 months I hope he recovers well and that you'll see him soon. 9 months is a long time to go without seeing him. >C>It's about a 5 hr drive from Indiana but due to circumstances beyond our control, I can't be there and he can't be here. But that will soon change! lol A long way but great that it will soon change. Will he move to where you live? >C>To be honest, I don't care when it is, I'm just tickled to know that he wants me to of course he wants you. You are lovely Cathy. I hope it all works out for you soon. Do let me know. Hugs to you Nina |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 1 05, 07:05
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#9
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Hi Nina,
>C>Nina's imagination ran further when reading than mine did when writing I think! LOL, you can guarantee my imagination will always run further. >C>Thank you! It just happened 6 days ago and while we were talking online, can you believe it! that's wonderful. Many congratulations. Did you meet him online? As a matter of fact...yes! It was about two years ago. We were able to see a lot of each other at first, then came the illness... It's been rough being so far away and not seeing each other but we've burned up our online connection for sure! lol >C>He's had two surgeries in the last three weeks to remove some tumors that simply had to come out because a year ago he fought cancer. I haven't seen him in 9 months I hope he recovers well and that you'll see him soon. 9 months is a long time to go without seeing him. A lifetime!! lol >C>It's about a 5 hr drive from Indiana but due to circumstances beyond our control, I can't be there and he can't be here. But that will soon change! lol A long way but great that it will soon change. Will he move to where you live? Yes, soon as possible! >C>To be honest, I don't care when it is, I'm just tickled to know that he wants me to of course he wants you. You are lovely Cathy. Thanks! :blush21: I hope it all works out for you soon. Do let me know. [b]Thanks and I surely will! lol |
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Nov 1 05, 12:43
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#10
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
A sad but, beautiful story, Cathy. You sound like a very strong person!
Lots of good wishes to you both! Hope you will be very happy. Bev :) ······· ······· |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 1 05, 19:20
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#11
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Hi Bev,
Thank you, I appreciate that! He has one more possible surgery in Jan and all should be fine after that. If all goes well since his last one I will get to see him before that! *smiles* I am confident that things will work out. Cathy |
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Nov 13 05, 10:15
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#12
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Cathy.
This is a lovely piece and I particularly enjoyed the repetiveness of your title. It serves to emphasize it metinks.  My congrats on your engagement!  What wonderful news!  Cheers!    ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 13 05, 11:50
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#13
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Thank you Lori! :ballet: :rose:
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Nov 22 05, 19:22
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#14
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Very good descriptions and imagery here, good write.
Steve |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 23 05, 11:02
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#15
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Hi Steve,
First off, let me welcome you to MM! I'm glad you enjoyed this and I'm looking forward to reading your work. Cathy 
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