For Immediate Release Options

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

For Immediate Release

Re: ACLU to file Brief at World Court on behalf of Dominant Male Animals.

In a carefully worded announcement today the ACLU is filing a show cause order before the world court
for all male animals as each of the species comes into the Rutting Season.
Dr. Hy Eeena, director of animal rights, said his office has been flooded with complaints world wide, and
he intends to make this a major social issue before the court.

Several protests have mainly to do with the “not up to it” approaches by lesser males, who feel they
should get a fair share of the offerings.
In a statement issued by the Guild of Dominant Males, they feel there is an infringement on their rights
to be the sole procreators within the herds or packs et al.
They feel a lot of time and effort is expended in rounding up females, keeping them at a close distance
and regulating the boundaries they must remain within.
As for the solo animals, there too, are the confrontations daily with inferior males who are territorial
interlopers.

Dr. Eeena feels confident the Court will issue a restraining order on lesser males, not to be aggressive,
and to set up a self disciplining movement with  guidelines for all non-dominant males.
Some private research by zoological  experts, have voiced opinions, this can be accomplished, but will
take time to implement, since there are the varied species and they do not all converse the same vocally.

Estimates are that it will take approximately 2 years for the realignment to occur, their feelings being
the Court will concur.

As an underlying issue, the ACLU feels that if the animal rights directive is successful, they would like to
extend it more broadly to also cover Human Rights.

This is scheduled to go before the Court in September 2004.
Further press releases will be forthcoming at that time.

[Guest_sehrgut_*]

hehehehe . . . I like!
   However, it being a "press release" of sorts, I'd like to see the impeccable grammar that usually accompanies these types of things in the real world. You have the "clipping" in there, but a sentence like, "Some private research by zoological  experts, have voiced opinions, this can be accomplished, but will take time to implement, since there are the varied species and they do not all converse the same vocally," quite honestly destroys much of the effect of the satire. (First, the comma glut, then agreement: "research . . . have voiced" is how it reads.) The sentence might be recast as "A panel of zoological experts, based on private research have voiced opinions that this can be accomplished, but will take time to implement since the varied species do not all communicate vocally in the same manner," or something of the sort. Done in a true press-release format, this might even be sent in as an op-ed or letter to a newspaper! I'd definitely work it up to that if I were you.
   I did like the politics of this, definitely. Any satire of the ACLU is all right in my book!
—Keith

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hey Larry,

Update: As the September court date approaches, it is reported that the World Alternate League of Lesser Organized Male for Education (WALLOPED), the International Institute of Inferior Interlopers (FOUR I) and the Women Against Herd Tactics (WHAT! ) have all thrown their weight behind the ACLU suit. Momentum is gathering...no opinion as yet from the human contingent, possibly for fear of retaliation from more militant groups.

David

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Keith,
as you can see I am not a satirist. Nor did I ever write Pub. Relations press releases.
This is just more of a jab at the ACLU who like to hide behind, rather than uphold.
Your suggestions are right on the money, so I will attempt a revision.
Thanks for the input.
Larry

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

David,
so glad to see the world Anacronym groups banding together for a common
cause. For the moment, cannot think of other groups, but they will show up.
Am conducting an anacronym search on the internet.

Larry

[jgdittier]

Dear Larry,
I noticed this snippet in our morning paper...
Flash!
The International Institute for Intentional Insemination by Indolent Itinerants , I-6, has joined with the International Institute of Inferior Interlopers, FOUR I, against the ACLU's support for the Guild of Dominant Males to be sole procreators.
It is also rumored that the female-only Mammals United for the Selective Taking of Impregnators, MUST I, will join their coalition.

Cheers,   jgd

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hi Larry and Ron,

Oh dear, the special interest groups are seeping out of the woodworks! The lobbyists are next. :)

David

[JLY]

Larry, this was quite an interesting undertaking.  You managed to thumb your nose at several groups and you did it with a light-hearted approach.

Particularly enjoyed your use of Al Sharpton's favorite word:  "interlopers".

JLY