faux-ku, titled haiku/senryu w/word play [ Daniel's 'creation' ] Options

[JustDaniel]

Faux-ku is my own brain child, developed over a long time of playing with haiku and senryu. My Light, so to speak, dabbles in wit, and hopefully it has its place in haiku/senryu-type poetry. This form can have seriousness, but it will always be dressed in Light clothing.

(Just remember, these threads are for us to PRACTICE in! Let NO ONE suppose that I'm here to be a teacher. I AIN'T! But practicing in short forms, I believe, can improve one's ability in other forms, including Haiku. However, I AM the expert in faux-ku merely because it is my own baby! I'm willing to engage a tutor to bring it to maturity, if one is here and available to me.

The absolute criteria for faux-ku:


1) a fetching title [ haiku and senryu never have a title ]

( title must be or have a play on words )


2) haiku/senryu form [ two snapshots ]

[ 5-7-5 syllables... or 3-2-3 beats -- OR LESS ! ]

one snapshot in two lines

another snapshot in one line

or vice versa


3) word-play in each snapshot (as well as in title)

Initial Samples:

high coop

foxy but chicken –
red hens turned into roosters
often high in trees

© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

out to launch

three nautical girls --
malled by low-price salers
during their noon break

© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

loud warning

red sails in sunset
clash crewedly once a blue moon;
mutin’ ears marooned

© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

stocking up down

white sales for son sets
precedent: Martha Stewart
fitted stock preferred

© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

dark fears

scared by Dad's visits?
at bottom had you been switched
to a light sleeper?

© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

sub lime pieces

you've run out?  blimey!
just cut up with ripe lemons
to post on our glass

© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Dec 2002

Now it's YOUR turn!

DeLightingly, Daniel 8)

P.S. One other concern... We reserve the responsibility to throw Sue out for several days at a time if she shows signs of addiction!

[JustDaniel]

blown aweigh in Bill-lows

president got cot
with print down... lying still,
sheets pillowed to wind

© M Lee Dickens’ son 23 Sept 2004

[JustDaniel]

a chant’s meeting

throat dried up in knots;
then, about to cry uncle,
had auntie phone  back

[JustDaniel]

Christmas swish

mosquito buzzed sheep
throughout that ebon Eve;
Baa, hum-bug!

© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005

[JustDaniel]

Here's the one I promised James with a bit o' hillbilly homor:

dis agreein’ house affect

global warmin' may
raze see level from oh zone?
a bunch o' hot air

© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005

[Guest_Jox_*]

LOL Daniel - thank you very much!

And all the others are most chucklesome, too.

Well done with your invention... have looked here before but these are very good. You should start a competition for the best to popularise this new form of yours - (no prizes) - just ku-dos.

Cheers and thanks, James.

[JustDaniel]

Thank you James... and for the ku-dos suggestion too.  LOL

I'll tell you what: you may announce the comptetition yourself, with this as the come-on... if you like.  ( I don't know about doing such things! ):

fabricating con test

we’ll give no ku-dough;
‘twill be for intertwining
friend with faux

© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005

Lightly, Daniel

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Daniel,

You're the king of the faux-ku, but I'll try

Fran

No Con Test

friends tied up in Nots;
argue-meant creatively:
whine comes from sour grapes

[JustDaniel]

Hi Daniel,

You're the king of the faux-ku, but I'll try. ~ Fran

No Con Test

friends tied up in Nots;
argue-meant creatively:
whine comes from sour grapes

Well, Fran, since I've yet to be paid for my faux-ku...

there will be NO-PRO TEST from me!

You've done absolutely perfectly! Now isn't that both fun and stretching?

Here's a follow-up for you:

epi-khaki mouse

suicidal squeek…
whoot argh you over it?
you threw up your clause

© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005

Looking forward to more from your pen,

deLightedly, Daniel

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Daniel... Can put an announcement about a contest if you don't mind judging the results?

If you are really intertested just let me have a closing date and number of entries per person allowed (and any other details you want) and we'll promo it.

James.

[JustDaniel]

Hey, James...

I'll personally judge the contest and offer as a prize, a copy of the new literary journal: Mary Clark's (Poetic-Voices) Impressions... which is due out right soon.  How about three entries per person, and entries do by the close of our "Presidents' Day" Monday, 21 Feb... in time for George Washington's Birthday (Tuesday, 22 Feb) so that I can offer my judgment on his day: "I cannot tell a lie."

In anticipation of the event, let me offer this Revolutionary Retro piece:

FLOG back words

Big George drives 'em far,
chips well, but can’t putt ‘em down;
cannot read a lie!

© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005  

slicing sLightly into the rough, Daniel  

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Daniel.

I just added three new 'awards' to MM yesterday in our FAQ forum.

In these 'practice and learning threads' here in Karnak we do not award prizes if a member seeks to initiate a challenge/contest, but we can start using one of the new awards if you'd like to pursue a contest here in this tile?

What do you think of this award below?

*New Greek Urn (formerly Mod Choice)

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

This award may be used for internal member challenges. Any member can initiate a challenge, state your rules, and choose a winner.

If you are interested, lay out your specific rules, start and end date and what you will be looking for and I will send a PM to the members.







This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Aug 22 06, 18:50

[JustDaniel]

no faux-ku a ward

if you’d write a wrong
don’t lift a finger to aide;
biting it tinders

© MLee Dickens’son 29 March 2005

[JustDaniel]

milk weed ?

what made cow wander
in from her verdant meadow ?
was it smoking grass?

© Daniel J Ricketts 28 June 2005

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Daniel,  

What made cow wonder -
smoking grass leading to bull?
hey! a brisket joint?

*Rambles off - blame it on the thunder storms*

Fran

[JustDaniel]

Now how in the world did I miss that, Fran!?

Cute... now where is your TITLE?  


Here's another thought for you:

kneed super vision

management de-find:
missing section manager;
depart meant head out

© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Sept 2005

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Daniel, good to see you  :wave:

I'd forgotton all about that one (entirely inspired by yours, of course) ... shall ponder a title.

Like the comment on management, hehe.

Fran

[JustDaniel]

While you're thinking of a title, Fran, here's another faux-ku to stimulate you further:

eschewing the fat

noon facial hair trim
makes high protein wrap filler;
day-lite shavings thyme

© Daniel J Ricketts 02 Sept 2005

[JustDaniel]

heavy wait

ticked off, thanks given
hands encircled luscious food;
too many seconds

© MLee Dickens’son 29 Nov 2005

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Daniel

Clocking in again, lol? Good to see you  :cheer:

Fran

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Welcome back. Good to see you posting again. We've missed you.

ticked off, thanks given
hands encircled luscious food;
too many seconds

Sounds like the turkey wasn't the only one stuffed at Thanksgiving. ???

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

hey, these are such fun to read! all that seriousness brain-bashing with 'to ku or not to ku - is that a question?' makes this a pleasant light relief. Have you ever visited the site called 5seven5? poems and replies all have to be in that form, but anything goes.

so, don't know how this'll match up to your hi standards, but here are a few taken and abused posts of mine:


let's do the time-warp again

this piece is unsure
of itself, of time, of space:
just a little warped


to a vanilla smoothie

i was with you, dude
till you went and ice ice'd me
baby, too retro


don't peak too soon, boy {grins}

have you a Sherpa
to guide your breathless ascent?
experience counts


p.m i.m m&m's alergy

this could be construed
as internet flirting, no?
nuts need not apply

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

what a boor

the man's such a pig --
displays porcine niceties;
makes me quite bristle!


hello sailor

Pop-eye'd with tension
needs a little olive oil
plain good for the heart


hornblower

this blisterin' rash!
a question of sea-man-tics?
blast the scurvey dog!


chart-stopping

is Pythagoras
listed in Cook's World's who's who?
such a cutie pi

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

oh dear oh dear oh dear

stags, hot 'n' horny
(but the doe's just such a moose! )
they're stuck in a rut



okay, i'll shaddup now. these are definitely addictive

[JustDaniel]

cot cold-handed

he's so licit...Ted
stand-in on the street - cornered
with too reddened chic s

[JustDaniel]

web bloggers

melting in the sun
icicle ploops in puddle
onlooker ducks

[JustDaniel]

fie night questin'

edgeless time flows on
taking up no space et al
will it ever rend?

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Tears Away

Candle in the wind
Smoke gets in, your eyes water
blown out of proportion

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

costly smells

perfume drops on skin
odorus concoction smells fine
no lingering cents

[galoutofdixie]

A form invented (and perfected?) by Daniel....this I cannot resist. What a good exercise this was too

here's my humble attempt at mastering faux-ku


Ghost Writer

Writers block was cured
by phantom words appearing;
shouldn't I be spooked?

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Daniel started a fabulous idea here. I'd completely missed Steve's two - I must catch up more often.

One of the Brit broadsheet newspapers has a comp for "haiku" (yes, they admit that the def'n is not technically accurate, for any purists) that represents news matters.

http://books.guardian.co.uk/games/haiku/

Might be worth a go?

Fran

[JustDaniel]

Hey, y'all...

Sorry I've not been about these parts. Don't want any of you to think I don't appreciate your pieces. Each one has a very good bite! Well-done!

Here's a bit of a stinker that occurred to me a couple of weeks ago:

a void flying

oversees hijack
scared everything out of him;
stays in continent


runnin' off sLightly, Daniel B)

[JustDaniel]

General Milling

Total employ meant
affirmative action clan
produced lively 'hood

© MLee Dickens'son 21 Aug 2006

[JustDaniel]

How about I celebrate a year away from this thread with something that I just discovered in the corners of my file ~ some of my earliest faux-ku:

bad vibes

concentric circles:
tattoo artist drew a bead
on his next victim.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Dec 2002}


all eyes

underground tube-ers
just sit and root for their star,
a veggie tater.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 29 Nov 2002}


asp oration

Cleo’s craft blue last
up t’a Nile later; she’d lost
wind around the neck

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 11 Dec 2002}


blindly speaking

email address lists
(sent parenthetically)
will remain private

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 17 December 2002}


colored comments

it’s hard to couch words
- azure well a-wear, Priceless -
in envy-green pads

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 17 Dec 2002}


friend ships

a precious voyage
fellowship and sistership
sternly steered, by God

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Feb 2003}


I m patient

I see you can’t hear;
be patient, or you’ll become one --
I hear you can’t see.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 02 Feb 2003}


gossip’s fall

light breezes through trees,
unsettling tail-baring;
note whispering leaves

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 23 Feb 2003}


marely cloud?

drinking thunderheads
frolicking in whited fields;
mere ‘altered vision?

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 01 March 2003}


oh bleak!

kept by my bias,
from seeing right angles, I
die agon-ally

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 20 Dec 2002}

[JustDaniel]

why-died

ever seed fear?
look at pupil die-laters
taken hostage

© MLee Dickens'son

[Larry]

Hi Daniel, nice creation and lots of fun. Mind if I try?



Ho's stage is taken
Street corner lights a broad way
play is expensive

[JustDaniel]

Ho's stage is taken
Street corner lights a broad way
play is expensive

Good start, Larry.

Two suggestions:
1. Make TWO observations; one takes two lines and the other one (usually from just a slightly different perspective of the same event or entity) in one line. It doesn't matter whether the first one is in one or two lines, just so the second one is in two lines or one. Okay?

2. You need a TITLE also, and it must be or have a play on words as well. Unlike with traditional senryu or haiku, which have no title; faux-ku MUST have a title and it must contain a play on words.

perhaps something like this:

two bit parts

street hos' stage taken
where lights corner a broad way;
expensive play


Happy ho-ku-ing... deLightingly, Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for the info. I didn't put "street" on the first line because it was not contained in your last line (or does that matter in this thread?)

How about this title and revision.


curb appeal

ho's stage is taken.
street corner lights a broadway
play that"s expensive.


Larry

[JustDaniel]

no mutter

if you've no mind
does it really matter?
take that stray pup's brain

[Larry]

doggerel

abrade that stray pup!
add rice and various herbs,
pet a full stomach

[JustDaniel]

no veggie tarryin'

pity full stomach
when yore obese;
in-fat-you-ate it

[Larry]

sauce sages

in-sinew-weighted
fork casting piece full daze
spring is now waisted

[JustDaniel]

cab age

hack's old vehicle
got an expensive paint job --
by taxi dermist

[Larry]

re fused help

european queen
and aide were shocked by bare wires
die-electric poles

[JustDaniel]

homespun compunction

ten puny, dry jokes
to whet his publisher's tongue;
no pun in ten did

© MLee Dickens'son 2012

[Larry]

wry toast

opening tin did
make room where sardines mustard
a hero's welcome

[JustDaniel]

naughty kinks

found old gilded tires
with dog shanks at a cat spa?
frayed knot

© MLee Dickens'son 2012


Links provided in case reader over-sits (does knot under-stand?)

[Larry]

bird flu

the arctic tide knot
suffered from in continents
after a wrong tern.

[JustDaniel]

all-men knack

weather rain or shine
volumes forecast yearly…
much ebon flow

© MLee Dickens’son 2012

[Larry]

gnus sprint

“e”-land grays, wide planes,
aunt elopes, Rome, old war togs,
all fear the lyin’

[JustDaniel]

colostomy

gone those deep rumblings;
all old organs were removed
in the town’s churches

© MLee Dickens’son

[Larry]

unharried

searchers in the town
did not find a wig maker...
no tress-passing sign

[JustDaniel]

it depends

no truss-pissing sign
springs your innate response:
is there foundation?

MLee Dickens'son 2013

[Larry]

read is covered

shunned theories found
their way into science books
when they were proofread

[JustDaniel]

writer’s blah

used Nigh Quill ink
to slip a word in edgewise;
knew what parch meant

[Larry]

seas own wood

what a new porch ment:
no more walking the old plank
more spring and less fall

[JustDaniel]

pillowing wrest

more fall lessons spring
from lighter feather down –
wind from the winter

[Larry]

Ken-ya run

wounds from the winner
are pulled groin and stiff muscles
post-race, you’ll tense some

[JustDaniel]

50's art thou?

purchase you tinsels
to deco-rate your kitchen?
see how they pan out

[Larry]

Joe’s Can-o-py

show that bed pan out
I’m hurt and bound but think there’s
a Poti-phar use

[JustDaniel]

grass-eating mammal

hippie potamus
is named Mary Jane Fog;
tip-toes through flowers

[Larry]

can abyss

flower tops throw toes
into some strange dimensions
some are fanta-sized

[JustDaniel]

locks in fat you ate

fanta-size bottles
up our flabby noids;
rings of key tones

[Larry]

harm a knee

tenors sing off key
quires of notes have no basis
a leg grows weary

[JustDaniel]

knight poop

a ledged warrior
falls over the cliff;
notes scat red be low

[Larry]

coast lions

red-nosed cats bellow
some rode elands but most are
eating new poached gnus

[JustDaniel]

no un-tolled fine print

yeast of Newport News
the Bay-Bridge Tunnel rises;
congested buy lines

[Larry]

blunt forced drama

cons jested by limns
in sentence cell abrasions
quiz in art mixtures

[JustDaniel]

no Euros to dullards

quiz-cycle misfits
don't get the prices right;
lost convert-table

[Larry]

ent dogma

last convert able
to proselytize in tongues
oral doctor in

[JustDaniel]

whistlin' Dixie

diction airy
talking through one's teeth;
confederate tome

[Larry]

de grade you ate

shredding a tome
bookworm larvae are hungry
dispersing gnawledge

[JustDaniel]

still underground

dispensed in gNawlins:
masticated swamp root-tea'n'
disc-tilled with cayenne

[Larry]

what are foul

ducks filled with cayenne
are munched better with butter
and spicy quackers

[JustDaniel]

hid in a tire

does spy see crackers?
seasoned gumbo-shoe a-salts
white guise in Harlem

[Larry]

some oaken shoes

wheeze guys, inhale ‘em;
coffin building to dim eyes
chews or take that dip

[JustDaniel]

dry eyes stopping

frozen token dip
in French Quarter fountain:
thigh ŕ la mode

[Larry]

bear-ly noticed

to hide a lame ode
write on grizzly forum walls
for cub web browsers

[JustDaniel]

itsy widow spied 'er

cob web browser
stalks for husky corn spiders;
female eats e-male

[Larry]

call boy

fee male gets e-mail
from her effete in dull gents
if they jiggle low

[JustDaniel]

nonsuch sport

iffy jiggle low
while she's decked in moo moo'd;
jumped her mooning

[Larry]

'e wrecked isle bed lam

her moaning junks your
concurrent satisfaction
ending tomb essence

[JustDaniel]

re sir-wreck shun

andiron tomb essence
raises rod from the dead;
heat steels the show

[Larry]

deer camps

hart sleeps in the snow
without enough doe for warmth
racking up more points

[JustDaniel]

bottling up the glut

wracking up the pints
lessons the drinking blight;
new classes of quartz

[Larry]

Dis-CERN-ing Humor

new glasses for quarks
helps them see the fun e-side
atom part tickles

[Alan]

A TOM'S PARTS

A tom's testicles
are very worn at the seams
but his beauty calls

Alan

[Larry]

Eye-full Cowards

booty calls are butts
looking for a difference
in personal sects

[JustDaniel]

some a cum laud

impersonal sects
erect private businesses;
rub sum the wrong way

[Larry]

i spied 'er

some robbed the wrong whey.
has pissing off Miss Muffet
a curd to you yet?

[JustDaniel]

B R A V O

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

Thank you, glad you enjoyed.

Larry

[Alan]

REGRETS

occured to you yet
you ignore best tune ever
I did it my whey

Alan

[Larry]

Alan, faux-ku needs title!

Photo Oops!

my whey in the eye
laughing at the camera
Miss Muffet said "cheese"!

[Alan]

STICKY PUDDING

Miss Muffet sniffed glue
she ingested more than planned
her lips are now sealed

Alan

[Larry]

ads that subtract

slip sales in her news
to make her spend more money
read between lyings

[Alan]

NOT A VIRGIN QUEEN

read all about it
how Hill wants to wear trousers
but in the White House

Alan

[Larry]

no horse hence

butt on a white horse
slaps the saddle with each stride
stirrup some bruises

[Alan]

EGO 'T'ISN'T

stir up some bruises
memories will do that well
for engrams R us

Alan

[Larry]

hire a glyph

foreign grammar is
very hard to understand
pidgins talk better