Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
Just Desserts
The earth is filled but still we spread like vermin. Filling up the land and building castles on the dead. Foundations are just shifting sand
engorged with detritus of waste and obsolescence. Plastics ride the emerald waves which once were chaste but now they lay upon high tide
dead fish and birds. A darkened stole that festers with a rotting stench now lines each shore. Embellished bowl of sewage that will never quench
the thirst of gluttonous mankind. A travesty we leave behind.
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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,130
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
A sonnet in perfect form, but I think most of your enjambments are distracting from the great message. Inversions, as in the final line, are things of old as well. Would you consider rewriting this piece. I think it's worthy of it. treading Lightly, Daniel
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
Hi Daniel,
Not sure about your problem with enjambments and the only way I might be able to alleviate that is to use the French version of 8 and 6 instead of the 3 quatrains and couplet. I wish you would clarify your statement about the inversion in the final couplet. The first line is a continuation of the sentence in the prior line and the last line is my summation or viewpoint of the way things are as I see them.
Thanks for chiming in and let me know a bit more of your thoughts.
Larry
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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 9,313
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
Hi Larry, great to post here again. I miss MM so much, it's the best. As I'm no expert on sonnets, I just love yours. Up to date, Greta Thurnberg would use it, somehow or other. The first strophe is so true and perfectly written. Humankind is the most distructive animal on One Planet. Did you see the series?
The earth is filled but still we spread like vermin. Filling up the land and building castles on the dead. Foundations are just shifting sand
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,130
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
Well, Larry, I have no idea what I was thinking that day. I think my dyslexia must have gotten the best of me and I'd become frustrated and took it out on you. Otherwise, I have no idea what I was talking about!!!
Please forgive me. sLightly embarrassed, Daniel
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Slow down; things will go faster!
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