Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s, Life Options

[Arnfinn]

A few weeks ago Pam and I spent a few days in Canberra. Our venue for breakfast was the hotel’s restaurant, Bobbie McGee’s. One morning whilst we were eating breakfast I noticed a puny macho business man sitting at a table on my left. Later a stunning young redheaded woman sat opposite the man, who was obviously a company executive.



Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips.

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth—
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets,
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles.

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression
for impression— mind on the evenings
project. He winked and gave a sickly
smile.

Arnfinn

[JustDaniel]

Wanted ya to know I was at the next table watching you watch, John...

Good observations. I'll be watchin' others help ya with this; I'm about to lead a group and have a bunch of paperwork I have to complete first... so I can't stay and have coffee with ya.

I love your observations! Ya have a couple apostrophes missin' for the possessives, and maybe one place that oughta be hyphenated, but that's just detail stuff. I'll be back for or a meal in the next 24 hours, I hope!

deLightin' in yer writin', Daniel

P.S. Was it jest 'is eyes? ... an' was Pam watchin' yers?

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

I think that I could have been sittin' at the table with Daniel, very good imagry and observation, do you wonder if his mind was completely on that phone conversation...hmmmm... and as Daniel said where were Pam's eyes a lookin'...lol. great read..

Steve

[azurepoetry]

Hi John,

And here i was thinking this would relate to Janis Joplin.
i, too, offer kudos for being allowed to have breakfast there, without having to pay the tab.
Conversely, i offer so nits...and they are just nits. See what you think...

Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips. ---nice choices here. Scumbag alert.

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth— ---this is superb. Maybe crawling against, too, but that doesn't support your poem.
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table. ---yep, that's male trash talk.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets, ---two things. once you told me she was a read head in S3, i already knew she had green eyes, because of the blouse colour. Red-heads tend to wear white, black, pink, lavendar/purple or eye colour/hue as tops. i was actually hoping to get something more on the eyes to suggest her headspace. Doe eyed, blank stared, something original instead, etc. The other, neck flounced ringlets? Does that mean she was making tight circular movements with her neck? Grant it i had to look up 'flounced'...nice word...but i still had trouble trying to visualize this action...and my neck is sore now, too. Maybe bobbing...i know that may be a little too suggestive. Just a thought.
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles. ---this solid detail and suggestive of a possible corporate "merger".

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression ---i love the above line as a set up, what do you think of simply saying, phone cradled against his shoulder: expression?
for impression— mind on the evenings ---i think a transitionary word like 'now' before 'mind' to indicate his headspace has switched slightly. Oh, and an apostrophe as Daniel mentioned.
project. He winked and gave a sickly ---what do you think of changing 'project' to 'projections'? That would help show the change in headspace in time, and anticipation for the guy.
smile. ---i read this line twice, that he was smiling to the N, then realized he never took his eyes off the lady. Then everything fell into place. i'm slow.

Arnfinn

Hope i'm not off on the translation of this piece between the two exec's. Maybe you were going for a more wistful fantasy on the part of the guy, but i took it and ran with the line "babe crawling....".

Thanks for the read, John, i was there, and am frequently at my job (N.Y.- style steakhouse),
~tim

Addendum: The comment about her eyes was in regards to some type of allusion to the red head's participation (or lack thereof) in this scenario. Is she oblivious, disgusted, scared, money-hungery, etc. This would add another dimension to the read, if the N can notice all of this, some type of discernment of the woman's disposition would be interesting (even if she's apathetic, that would say something, too). Again, i could be off in my interp and if so, my apologies. ~tim

[duetsdove]

A few weeks ago Pam and I spent a few days in Canberra. Our venue for breakfast was the hotel’s restaurant, Bobbie McGee’s. One morning whilst we were eating breakfast I noticed a puny macho business man sitting at a table on my left. Later a stunning young redheaded woman sat opposite the man, who was obviously a company executive.

You men. . .y'all just jumped on this work, right? lolol Okay, okay. . .I've seen a few women do the same. . .with some guy who walks in. . .*grin*


Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips.

Really was his head between the third button and her lips. . .because that's some fast work. . .and in public, too. *smile* I'd opt for eyes. . .If she sat opposite him. . .did they know each other. . .that's what I'm assuming. . .Maybe

He sat on the other side of their table,
eyes somewhere between
the third button on her green blouse
and her half-parted pink lips

hyphenation needed. . .I'd agree with Tim. . .red hair and a green blouse pretty much spell out green eyes. . .

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth—
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table.

Again, hynenation needed in red-headed. . .I love the line a babe crawling amongst old growth. . .but it tends to infer (in my mind, jmho) that the entire restaurant is a bit old. . .dated. And the semi-colon should be replaced with a comma.

A red-headed beauty,
a babe crawling amongst old growth,
she was next week's work performance topic
around the boardroom table.

Don't think you need company. . .boardroom. . .implies that. . .or board table for that matter. The sentence is lacking a verb. . .easily fixed.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets,
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles.

Again the sentence is lacking a verb. . .what is she doing at her plate? Should you opt to keep the eye color and remove the color from the blouse. . green-eyed is hyphenated. . I know what you're going for with neck flounced ringlets. . .but it is confusing. . .I also found it interesting that her nails were unpainted (and I would use unpainted nails. . .as it's not the fingers we generally paint). . .seems that someone dressed as she is. . .would have painted her nails. . .an interesting observation on your part as well. . .quite attentive. . .must have already had the poem in your mind, no doubt, eh? *smile*

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression
for impression— mind on the evenings
project. He winked and gave a sickly
smile.

I like the idea of using projections. . .mid-shoulder requires that darn hyphen. . .and the sickly smile. . .what's up with that? Not a quick way to the bedroom I would think. .with a sickly smile. . .puny or not. . .lolol

Nice read. . .

~Ren~

Arnfinn

[Cyn]

i also read 'head' literally instead of mind - which i figured out eventually

this is a great snapshot john

i might use a word other than gave for your last sentence. offered? proffered maybe? as in a business deal

sickly as in sickly sweet? smarmy? i might think studied smile would suit this suit

nice work here

cyn

[Guest_Gregory_*]

John, this was a scene from a movie it seems. Only thing is we get a good idea of the mind set of the man, sleazy though it is, and we get a good idea of what the woman looks like, in all her regalia. but we don't really get much of what is happening for the woman and the man seems two-dimensional himself. The whole scene seems to be a judgement of the characters on the part of the N, and a rather stereotypical one. I know its meant to be, because that's what you saw, a sleaze bag eyeing off , and showing off to a gorgeous redhead. Only thing is I see this all the time, and therefore there is nothing new about this. The potential to create something interesting here is enourmous, in fact read some Henry Miller to get an idea. What is interesting about the woman, well frankly, nothing except that she has no paint on her fingernails. I am left with nothing but her colour scheme, why not describe my wallpaper? The man just leaves me with his 'sickly' smile, and I wonder if that is not just a judgement on the narrators part rather than an apt or interesting description. Not much in this poem I would keep, even the line 'a babe crawling amongst old growth' sounded like she should be a baby kangaroo trying to get to its mothers bushy pouch or teat. Sorry, but I found only cliche in this, perhaps you could try get inside the mind (not the head) of both rather than stay inside the mind of the narrator. Gregory

[Arnfinn]

Wanted ya to know I was at the next table watching you watch, John...

Good observations. I'll be watchin' others help ya with this; I'm about to lead a group and have a bunch of paperwork I have to complete first... so I can't stay and have coffee with ya.

I love your observations! Ya have a couple apostrophes missin' for the possessives, and maybe one place that oughta be hyphenated, but that's just detail stuff. I'll be back for or a meal in the next 24 hours, I hope!

deLightin' in yer writin', Daniel

P.S. Was it jest 'is eyes? ... an' was Pam watchin' yers?

Good Day, Daniel

Yes, I know I can always rely on you to set me straight with punctuation and other matters.

I await your return.

John

[Arnfinn]

I think that I could have been sittin' at the table with Daniel, very good imagry and observation, do you wonder if his mind was completely on that phone conversation...hmmmm... and as Daniel said where were Pam's eyes a lookin'...lol. great read..

Steve

And good day to you Steve,


Yes, I told my wife about the unfolding scenario. I also related that I was going to write a poem.

John

[Arnfinn]

Hi John,

And here i was thinking this would relate to Janis Joplin.
i, too, offer kudos for being allowed to have breakfast there, without having to pay the tab.
Conversely, i offer so nits...and they are just nits. See what you think...

Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips. ---nice choices here. Scumbag alert.

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth— ---this is superb. Maybe crawling against, too, but that doesn't support your poem.
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table. ---yep, that's male trash talk.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets, ---two things. once you told me she was a read head in S3, i already knew she had green eyes, because of the blouse colour. Red-heads tend to wear white, black, pink, lavendar/purple or eye colour/hue as tops. i was actually hoping to get something more on the eyes to suggest her headspace. Doe eyed, blank stared, something original instead, etc. The other, neck flounced ringlets? Does that mean she was making tight circular movements with her neck? Grant it i had to look up 'flounced'...nice word...but i still had trouble trying to visualize this action...and my neck is sore now, too. Maybe bobbing...i know that may be a little too suggestive. Just a thought.
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles. ---this solid detail and suggestive of a possible corporate "merger".

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression ---i love the above line as a set up, what do you think of simply saying, phone cradled against his shoulder: expression?
for impression— mind on the evenings ---i think a transitionary word like 'now' before 'mind' to indicate his headspace has switched slightly. Oh, and an apostrophe as Daniel mentioned.
project. He winked and gave a sickly ---what do you think of changing 'project' to 'projections'? That would help show the change in headspace in time, and anticipation for the guy.
smile. ---i read this line twice, that he was smiling to the N, then realized he never took his eyes off the lady. Then everything fell into place. i'm slow.

Arnfinn

Hope i'm not off on the translation of this piece between the two exec's. Maybe you were going for a more wistful fantasy on the part of the guy, but i took it and ran with the line "babe crawling....".

Thanks for the read, John, i was there, and am frequently at my job (N.Y.- style steakhouse),
~tim

Addendum: The comment about her eyes was in regards to some type of allusion to the red head's participation (or lack thereof) in this scenario. Is she oblivious, disgusted, scared, money-hungery, etc. This would add another dimension to the read, if the N can notice all of this, some type of discernment of the woman's disposition would be interesting (even if she's apathetic, that would say something, too). Again, i could be off in my interp and if so, my apologies. ~tim

How are you Tim,


Pleased to meet you, mate.

Yeah, Funny things about the colour schemes. First of all, this was a beatiful woman in her early twenties. Anyway, she wore red listick so I changed that to pink, I forgot to compensate for the green blouse in relation to eyes i'll have to change that. Thank ye...About the flounce thingo. Perhaps a bad metaphor I used 'flounce' in relation to a gathered edge of fabric at hem of a skirt ^v^v. Once again this lovely woman had deep red ringlets that ^v^v^ curled up and down at her neckline. I'll have to think about this met.

Haa, Haa, Corporate merger...Dunno, to my way of thinking, she was a first tripper, she didn't know the routine of the dining room, didn't know where to get plates, didn't know where the toast making machine was etc. (Yeah, I had fallen under her spell I was wachin her too).

'phone cradled against his shoulder: expression' Yeah, that sound good I'll have look at that.

'(now) mind on the evenings' Another good idea, Tim.

Don't know about "projections" though, I see ya point though. She was definately going to be the afternoons project.

You got the picture Tim, eyes were on high beam all the time.

Good point again about the eyes. My impression is that she was the innocent party sitting at the sacrificial table.

Thank mate, for comments on my poetry, you've given me a lot of ideas.

I'll start me revision soon.

John

[azurepoetry]

Hi John,

she was a first tripper, she didn't know the routine of the dining room, didn't know where to get plates, didn't know where the toast making machine was etc.

That's what i'm talking about. Right there. Her eyes and awkward, jerky movements belied whatever grace she would normally have. Those descriptions add dimension to the lady, and complexity to the situation. While Gregory and i have seen this plenty of times, you can still tell the tale if you give us something interesting. Even linking the deer in headlights feeling so we become sympathetic to her surroundings before the guy makes a revealing gesture or something to let us know that she is more than way over her head at the dining table.

Thanks for coming back. Oh and the line should have been...neck flounced with ringlets, i think.

Cheers!
~tim/azurepoetry

[Arnfinn]

A few weeks ago Pam and I spent a few days in Canberra. Our venue for breakfast was the hotel’s restaurant, Bobbie McGee’s. One morning whilst we were eating breakfast I noticed a puny macho business man sitting at a table on my left. Later a stunning young redheaded woman sat opposite the man, who was obviously a company executive.

You men. . .y'all just jumped on this work, right? lolol Okay, okay. . .I've seen a few women do the same. . .with some guy who walks in. . .*grin*


Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips.

Really was his head between the third button and her lips. . .because that's some fast work. . .and in public, too. *smile* I'd opt for eyes. . .If she sat opposite him. . .did they know each other. . .that's what I'm assuming. . .Maybe

He sat on the other side of their table,
eyes somewhere between
the third button on her green blouse
and her half-parted pink lips

hyphenation needed. . .I'd agree with Tim. . .red hair and a green blouse pretty much spell out green eyes. . .

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth—
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table.

Again, hynenation needed in red-headed. . .I love the line a babe crawling amongst old growth. . .but it tends to infer (in my mind, jmho) that the entire restaurant is a bit old. . .dated. And the semi-colon should be replaced with a comma.

A red-headed beauty,
a babe crawling amongst old growth,
she was next week's work performance topic
around the boardroom table.

Don't think you need company. . .boardroom. . .implies that. . .or board table for that matter. The sentence is lacking a verb. . .easily fixed.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets,
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles.

Again the sentence is lacking a verb. . .what is she doing at her plate? Should you opt to keep the eye color and remove the color from the blouse. . green-eyed is hyphenated. . I know what you're going for with neck flounced ringlets. . .but it is confusing. . .I also found it interesting that her nails were unpainted (and I would use unpainted nails. . .as it's not the fingers we generally paint). . .seems that someone dressed as she is. . .would have painted her nails. . .an interesting observation on your part as well. . .quite attentive. . .must have already had the poem in your mind, no doubt, eh? *smile*

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression
for impression— mind on the evenings
project. He winked and gave a sickly
smile.

I like the idea of using projections. . .mid-shoulder requires that darn hyphen. . .and the sickly smile. . .what's up with that? Not a quick way to the bedroom I would think. .with a sickly smile. . .puny or not. . .lolol

Nice read. . .

~Ren~

Arnfinn

Good to see ya Ren, you seem to be popping up all over the place.


About the third button etc. Nah, I was implying thats where his mind was.

The green eyes. Yeah, I'm working on that.

The 'old growth' Yeah, your the only one thats mentioned that, glad you picked it up, the dining room was mostly oldies. 'A babe in the woods'

Lacking a verb ya say. Well I'll have to have a look at that n' rectify the matter.

Most of your other comments have I've addressed in my interaction with Tim. Though, I will certainly take what you've said into consideration when I dooooooo my revision.

John

[Arnfinn]

i also read 'head' literally instead of mind - which i figured out eventually

this is a great snapshot john

i might use a word other than gave for your last sentence. offered? proffered maybe? as in a business deal

sickly as in sickly sweet? smarmy? i might think studied smile would suit this suit

nice work here

cyn

Hi Cyn,

I'm pleased that you got the mind business

Yeah, your right again about 'sickly' I tried to give the impression of a 'depraved' sexual encouragement smile.

Good observations here Cyn,

We always have to on the lookout for the unexpected.


SOOOO goooooooood to see ya.


John

[Arnfinn]

John, this was a scene from a movie it seems. Only thing is we get a good idea of the mind set of the man, sleazy though it is, and we get a good idea of what the woman looks like, in all her regalia. but we don't really get much of what is happening for the woman and the man seems two-dimensional himself. The whole scene seems to be a judgement of the characters on the part of the N, and a rather stereotypical one. I know its meant to be, because that's what you saw, a sleaze bag eyeing off , and showing off to a gorgeous redhead. Only thing is I see this all the time, and therefore there is nothing new about this. The potential to create something interesting here is enourmous, in fact read some Henry Miller to get an idea. What is interesting about the woman, well frankly, nothing except that she has no paint on her fingernails. I am left with nothing but her colour scheme, why not describe my wallpaper? The man just leaves me with his 'sickly' smile, and I wonder if that is not just a judgement on the narrators part rather than an apt or interesting description. Not much in this poem I would keep, even the line 'a babe crawling amongst old growth' sounded like she should be a baby kangaroo trying to get to its mothers bushy pouch or teat. Sorry, but I found only cliche in this, perhaps you could try get inside the mind (not the head) of both rather than stay inside the mind of the narrator. Gregory

Hi Gregory,

You've made some interesting observations?

The truth is I'm writing about an aged pervert.
Sure, I agree my poem is a narrative-- so I've a perverted mind. Though at the time, all the action that was going on was in full consultation with my wife, which lets me off the hook a bit.
I said to Pam, (after discussion), Hey, this would make a great poem!

I thought the way I'd written the poem was suggestive enough, a situation as thus, has to be succinct.

I can't say, No to be concise, I've never read Henry Miller, but I assure you I'll look him up and have a read.

My favourite poet for sensual unperversed/perversed reading is T.S. Eliot.

How's this for an example.

T.S.Eliot

La Figlia Che Piange


Stand on the highest pavement of the stair-
Lean on a garden urn-
Weave, weave the sunlight in your hair- <<< I think this line is fantastic/brilliant
Clasp your flowers to you with pained surprise-
Fling them to the ground and turn
With a figitive resentment in you eyes <<< Again brilliance in a simple phrase.
But weave, weave the sunlight in your hair.<<< Again classical Eliot.

So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised <<< This conjures up a memory perhap?
As the mind deserts the body it has used. <<< Absolute brilliance.

This is the sort of poetry, is more or less what you expected.

Mate, there is no way I ,could ever, write something like this.

Hey, you set a high standard.

I love poetry. I spend about a day a week putting pen to paper. I dont want recognition.

This is the only poetry site I belong to, because I believe it's the best.

sO i JUST DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO me best

Your a good bloke mate, because you speak your mind. n' I love ya (hey don't take that personally) but I think ya missed the point in ya crit.

So lets shake hands n' be friends

Good on ya.




John

[Eisa]

LOL! -- oh I love this one

I haven't read all the critiques so I hope I'm not just saying what everyone else is ... but there is very little to nit anyway -- it's great as it stands.

Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

The title drew my attention immediately and I felt this was going to be a good'n.

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips.

'head' doesn't quite sound right here, somehow. perhaps change it to 'thoughts' or 'eyes'

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth—
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table.

that second line is priceless.

last line --'company board table' sounds too wordy. Perhaps, 'boardroom table'

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets,
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles.

L1 -- she looked/stared at her plate
L2 -- green eyed is really unnecessary
L4 -- oh ... painted nails please. This gal must have painted nails to fit the image. You can use a bit of poetic lisence here. LOL!

He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression
for impression— mind on the evenings
project. He winked and gave a sickly
smile.

I think perhaps sickly isn't quite the word for his smile, but I know what you mean ... I see it more as a suggestive leer.

This has been a great read to give me a giggle and made me want to slap him! LOL!

Snow

[Arnfinn]

Hi John,

she was a first tripper, she didn't know the routine of the dining room, didn't know where to get plates, didn't know where the toast making machine was etc.

That's what i'm talking about. Right there. Her eyes and awkward, jerky movements belied whatever grace she would normally have. Those descriptions add dimension to the lady, and complexity to the situation. While Gregory and i have seen this plenty of times, you can still tell the tale if you give us something interesting. Even linking the deer in headlights feeling so we become sympathetic to her surroundings before the guy makes a revealing gesture or something to let us know that she is more than way over her head at the dining table.

Thanks for coming back. Oh and the line should have been...neck flounced with ringlets, i think.

Cheers!
~tim/azurepoetry

Hi Tim,

No trouble, mate.

Thank you once again for you honest and candid opinion.


Regards,

John.

[Arnfinn]

LOL! -- oh I love this one

I haven't read all the critiques so I hope I'm not just saying what everyone else is ... but there is very little to nit anyway -- it's great as it stands.

Breakfast at Bobbie McGee’s

The title drew my attention immediately and I felt this was going to be a good'n.

He sat on the other side,
though his head was somewhere
between the third button on her
green blouse and half parted pink lips.

'head' doesn't quite sound right here, somehow. perhaps change it to 'thoughts' or 'eyes'

Well, I opened the poem with 'He sat on the other side' with the inuendo that he was the opposite to what she was. I used the word 'head' to indicate mind. The third button is usually is usually the button below womens breasts, the half parted pink lips was the innocent look on a toddlers face when asleep. Know ya shouln't explain ya poem, but doesn't matter.

A red headed beauty;
a babe crawling amongst old growth—
next weeks work performance topic
around a company board table.

that second line is priceless. <<< Yeah, I had a picture of a 'babe in the woods' and the woods have old growth trees, the people eating were mainly, suits with suits, suits and skirts, and a few young women together.

last line --'company board table' sounds too wordy. Perhaps, 'boardroom table'

Yeah, I'll have to have a look at that.

She, at her plate,
Green eyed, neck flounced ringlets,
shaped white linen from waist to knee.
Unpainted fingers cuddling curved
handles.

L1 -- she looked/stared at her plate
L2 -- green eyed is really unnecessary
L4 -- oh ... painted nails please. This gal must have painted nails to fit the image. You can use a bit of poetic lisence here. LOL!

Nah, what I was trying say I spose, was that she wasn't a 'painted lady'.
She was good looking, curvaceous and well dressed.


He mouthed sideways,
phone mid shoulder and ear: expression
for impression— mind on the evenings
project. He winked and gave a sickly
smile.

I think perhaps sickly isn't quite the word for his smile, but I know what you mean ... I see it more as a suggestive leer.

Your correct again, Snow, I'll have to re-arrange his face.

This has been a great read to give me a giggle and made me want to slap him! LOL!

Snow

Well, you got right into the action. Thank you for your thoughts.



John

[Eisa]

Hi John

Nah, what I was trying say I spose, was that she wasn't a 'painted lady'.
She was good looking, curvaceous and well dressed.

Ah ... I get the picture now.

Snow

[Guest_Gregory_*]

John, I was a little harsh I admit with my crit
but to set a standard high means not to comfort
and to set a standard low would not fit.

You may be no prince Hamlet, no Eliot
but to set your standard high would better sit
the aspiring poet than the retiring poet.

I knew what you were trying with this lark
and yet I have confidence you could describe
the tree and not the bark, make something of your scribe

and that is not to say that you did not
do the best you could, this is no job
but at best a fun and fantastic plot, I 'aint no snob

and would be pleased to be your friend
as long as you accept that in the end
I will crit your work, not you, as I can only comprehend

that which I know, which is your poem
I know nothing else about you being at home
and not in yours, and I say let your imagination roam

I'll never crit that, but I may say what I think is flat
although I may be wrong at that
I am never wrong to believe you might be better for it

and one day maybe write like like Mr Eliot!

Cheers, Gregory

[Arnfinn]

Hi Gregory,

Mate I didn't realise you were an Aussie.

Tell ya what, If ya ever drop into the capital n' stay at RYDGES Lakeside Canberra, you can dine at Bobbie McGee's. The decor is (well I'll keep that a secret). Buuuuuuut I bet (if ya happen to dine there) It'll blooooooow ya mind.

I'm sorry about Henry Miller, I didn't twig I should have realised the author. I didn't realise he wrote poetry/prose. I did a check. Your, quite correct, your recommendation about his ability as a writer. I thought his poetry/prose, exceptional. His collection of poems under 'Young and Aspiring' were full of sensuallity and passion.

As far as your thoughts on me poetry expos`e BaBM's, well I say this, MM is a wonderful site for everyone. We have members learning the basics and we have talent. In my view, this is an academy of help, respect and evaluation. Your a good mate, your views are candid and you deal the cards straight from the top.

N' it's nice to meet a fellow countryman.

I know you have a lot to offer to this site and I'm looking forward to your contributions in respect your knowledge of literature (re Henry Miller) and helping others who strive to master the basics.


Good on ya mate,


John