 Joyous Light **, For Christmas |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies  |
 Dec 17 13, 20:37
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Joyous Light
Stargazing luminescent skies His powdered dust revealed the wonderment of Winter’s breath dispersed across Fir’s field. Amid tall balsams, there she stood in cloak of glitter gold: a vigil over evening’s glow whose spark tempered the cold. I chose the path less often walked to greet her in the Wood between the pond and Nature’s Kings-- a trip misunderstood. My gift to bring – a treasure trove of ornamental rings were placed upon memorials beholding angel’s wings. A fringe of naked skin soon swept me up from tethered Earth and held me there, caressing love; a spiritual rebirth. Then came a flash of sparkling might: those trees had touched the sky! Starbursts of light bedecked their tips; red berried lace, oh my! The sentinels rejoiced with me, we shared God’s love that night where souls I hold so dear are safe within His Heaven’s light. Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter 17 Dec 2013 This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Dec 19 13, 09:27
Reason for edit: THX Larry!
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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Dec 18 13, 00:54
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 11,879 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Lori and a very merry Christmas to you and yours,
It's so nice to see you posting in this forum again. What kept you so long? Seriously, you showed 2 asterisks depicting a minor need for crits so here are the three obvious ones: S2/L3 - go ahead and use the whole word "over" the maintain the meter established in the first six lines. S3/L1 - "lest often walked" (lest: for fear that / so as not to / in case that) Perhaps using "less" might fit your need better in this instance. S5/L4 - maybe put an "a" to start the line - again to maintain the metrical flow of trimeter. You should, I think, submit this one in the Holiday Classics forum. Thanks for sharing. I, too, commune with the woods and all He has placed therein. Larry ······· ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner   |
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Dec 18 13, 16:25
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Larry,
 A very merry Christmas to you and yours as well!      I know, it's nice to write something new and to post it for comments.  I've just so busy between work and my story, I haven't creatively divided my time up. I have taken all three of your suggestions and made the change so thank you! I did wonder about 'lest' and less works more so. I believe this is actually Heptameter deconstructed. When I laid it out initially, the lines seemed so long so I put it back to tetra/tri instead. Still on the fence about the MMHC as I like being one of the judges but I'll ponder this over the next few days.  It's nice to appreciate Nature and all the goodies we often overlook. Merry Chirstmas Larry!  ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jan 15 14, 04:41
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hi Lorri
Iv'e not been poetically minded of late and neglected writing in all forms. I always love the way your poems roll off the tongue and find the rhythm in this piece delightful. Imagery is crystal clear and takes the reader directly into the scene. A beautiful spiritual poem that is quite inspiring. No nits from me this time, I love it just the way it is. Huz Wal ······· ······· |
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Jan 16 14, 11:52
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#5
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Wally,
Gee, thanks so much! I had fun writing this, with just a few minor changes along the way.  I have been struggling to fins my writing voice these days. Depressing!  I'm glad you stopped by! HUGZ to you too!  ~Cleo  ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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