 A parched existence |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Jun 15 12, 04:01
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#1
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 Babylonian  Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy  |
the wolves returned
somewhere between the abundance of wine fickle dreams and my mother’s orchard when the voice of summer grew silent quietly occupying a dark vacant tree no longer willing to wrestle with seagulls, salted swells or the wisdom of candlelight yet, upon my dawn faint flickers remain and desert flowers still hold a sweet bitter taste |
  
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Jun 18 12, 04:29
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#2
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear James,
On first reading, I dismissed this poem. But ... I needed a second reading, cuz I had a feeling I had missed something. Read it again, incorporated the first solo line (which "seemed" like a title) into my awareness as reading, and discovered a reward - a rich if slightly disturbing view into another person's universe. Thank you. 2nd last line I think, needs a S removed ? Love Alan ·······  ······· |
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Jun 18 12, 05:06
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#3
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Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
thanks alan.
appreciate you looking in warm regards james |
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Jun 25 12, 04:56
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#4
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hey James,
Good to read you again!! I loved the subtle nuances concealed behind commonplace items. The ending lost me as I struggled to make the link with desert flowers and why they leave mixed emotions with the speaker. Too open, perhaps that can be tightened up a tad to channel the reader's straying thoughts. Very well crafted and thanks for sharing. Cheers, Wally ······· ······· |
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Jul 2 12, 07:55
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#5
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Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
thanks wallly
appreciate the feedback..considering further changes which will hopefully improve the piece. all the best james |
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Oct 23 12, 15:07
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hello James
I somehow seem to have overlooked this poem. It is so good to read your work again. This is very well written. Wally has made a valid point and if you have made any revisions I would be very pleased to see them. I hope you will call back again soon. Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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