 Nature's King, Trois-par-huit (Lori's form) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Dec 13 08, 17:06
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#1
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Hi all,
This is an oldie from 2005 when I first created the form known as Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight or Octa-Tri). I wanted to share this particular poem again for the new kids on the block and see if anyone has further suggestions for improvement. Nature's King The firs rise touching star-twinkled skies standing vigil o’er evening’s glow wrapped in sparkling charms of glitter gold, ashen snow embraces kisses of crimson berries below where silvery cherubs dance and sing …symbols of joy to bring Nature’s King. Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter The params of the form are as follows; A poem of 8 lines, displayed visually with three stanzas of either tercet, tercet, couplet (3, 3, 2) OR tercet, couplet, tercet (3, 2, 3). The title is the final line. Line length requirements: Line 1 ~ 3 syllables Line 2 ~ 6 syllables Line 3 ~ 9 syllables Lines 4 & 5 ~ 12 syllables Line 6 ~ 9 syllables Line 7 ~ 6 syllables Line 8 ~ 3 syllables (is the title and summarizes the meaning of the poem) Rhyme scheme requirements: Lines 1 & 2 - A Lines 3, 4 & 5 - B Lines 6, 7 & 8 - C ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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Dec 16 08, 19:53
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#2
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Cleo,
Your pen has indeed created a lovely landscape!  I also like your form!I had to look up "ashen" because I pictured the color to be black like ashes but found the word can also mean "pale in color," so the word works. Simply beautiful images! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Dec 16 08, 21:16
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#3
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 9,074 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Lori!
I had to go away just when I dropped by here. It's after midnight, but I want to say that you're a great new form creator! This poem has beautiful, color-filled imagery, so delicate & glistening with silver, gold & even crimson...wow.... love it, Lori! My only question at this late hour is 'Who is Nature's King?'. I'm not sure whether you're referring to Winter, the snow, or some god-like being? Dumb me....  See ya tomorrow, congrats!  Syl *** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner     |
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Dec 16 08, 21:23
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#4
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Sylvia,
I interpreted "Nature's King" as Jesus. Lori, who is he? Peggy ······· ······· |
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Dec 16 08, 23:54
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#5
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 Assyrian Posts: 181 Joined: 13-September 07 From: Conway, Arkansas Member No.: 468 Real Name: Pamela Writer of: Poetry Referred By:self |
Lori sweetie, this poem left me breathless! Riveting and ethereally enchanting imagery sparkled right off the page and right into my heart. Truly beautiful Trois-par-Huit, perfectly written, but the theme and vibrant vision it created is what really stole my breath away. This needs no critique...do you have it published in a book somewhere? I would love to buy it if you do. Wonderful poem to read this time, heck any time of year.
Love and blessings, Pami xoxox  PS Every page takes forever to download. I've saved each to my faves so maybe I'll only have to go through this once...on hopes, anyway your poem was worth all the trouble! ······· ·······A relaxed attitude, and a heart of gratitude, increases life whilst joy doth exude! <:))))><
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Dec 19 08, 17:32
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#6
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello Peggy,
 Why thank you! I invite you to give thisform a try - there's a practice thread in Karnak and I'd be happy to walk you through the params any time.  I hope to write a few more this weekend. If you like tetrameter more than trimeter, there's another variant of this form I created called Quatre-par-huit you might enjoy (4 by 8).Yes, I was going for an off white color in my mind and ashen seemed to be the right word to use - glad you learned a new meaning for it as well in your research!  Thanks for stopping by! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Dec 19 08, 17:50
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#7
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Syl,
 You were up late, huh?  I thank you for your kind compliments and hope you'll give the form a whirl. Glad you enjoy the colors, I really wanted to make it jump out in the few words I have to play with but also hope it isn't overkill. I wanted to make it compliment the Christmas color scheme we all know and adore. Ah, it's like asking a magician for his 'secret trick book' Syl.  . You know me -- I generally tend to have more than one meaning to my poetry. You asked, 'Who is Nature's King?'. It is whomever you wish it to be, can be all three in fact, and I will say that Peggy is onto my magician's secret...Cheers, ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Dec 19 08, 17:52
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#8
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE (Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ Dec 16 08, 21:23 ) [snapback]112209[/snapback] Hi Sylvia, I interpreted "Nature's King" as Jesus. Lori, who is he? Peggy That's a good guess, Peggy. There are a few more too... If I were to change the very first word of this poem to "His" or "God's" or to "Tall" what would your interpretation be of? 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Dec 19 08, 17:58
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#9
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello Pami,
Glad to see you posting with us again!  WOW - I'm very flattered by your kind words, I'm thrilled to hear you find this enchanting. I just hope my next attempt (to compliment this one) will leave you just as breathless, lol! Published? No, not this one. Do you think it worthy for IBPC? You've made my day though - thanks again and Happy Christmas! ~Cleo
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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