It’s a spirit thing
you think you can’t catch,
but you know you can –
you keep looking back
to feel its magic again.

In each passing day,
it’s coming your way,
moving through in
kaleidoscopic view,
gracing your day
rejuvenating,
renewing you.

In a baby’s smile, a second glance,
a simple touch, a bit of romance,
enticing food boosting the mood,
a delightful song when you sing along,
belly-laughing that leaves you crying,
starlit skies that leave you sighing –
all given times to enjoy before dying.

It’s a spirit thing
you think you can’t catch,
but you know you can –
you keep looking back
to feel its magic again.

Hi Jan!
Just dropped by to read your poem before boring chores pile up on me. Yes, it's best to look back on those simple, good moments in life... maybe my chores will seem less tiresome after reading your lines!!
Will come back with more time, thanks for sharing,
Sylvia ***

Hi Jan

This is so true, how we look back at the good times and actually feel they are happening again.

One suggestion to start - I dont think one word lines have much impact in a poem unless they say something outstanding. Your one lines are 'It's' and 'in' which I dont feel are important enough for a whole line to themdelves.

Just a thought!

Snow

Hi, Psyche,

Thanks for stopping by. Come again and tell your thoughts.
Have fun with those unrelenting chores!!!

~Jan

Snow,

I almost knew that would be a suggestion. :)

Here's my thought: the spirit moves in this poem, and those words just wanted to go solo!!! hahaha

Really, if the set-up is best as a more compact design, I certainly can redo that lil' thing. Thanks for your advice to tidy things up here.

Regards,
Jan

I know just what you mean Jan. I think poem originals often are 'hot off the pen & straight from the heart'. The hard part is in the revision and deciding how to improve on what you've written.

I look forward to any revisions you may do.

Snow

Hello Orion.

I agree that the one word lines are distracting, unless a chain of them forms a thought consistent with the theme of the poem.

I know stanza three is meant to flesh out the poem, however, the lines themselves feel tired. It`s just me, I am sure. But, I would like to see a little more depth. The things that bring you joy or happiness may not necessarily constitute spirit. But, then again, I do not know what kind of spirit you are expecting us to envision.

Snow,

Thank you for your reply to this writing. I'm planning to take away the one-liners. Let's see how that works here. Again, thanks for your feedback.

Best to you,
Jan

Xanadu,

I've tossed the one-line set up within this poem. It is better in a compact design.
As far as your feeling tired with stanza 3, it's a spirit thing . . .what can I say? ~grin
The reader can view the spirit however he/she feels it. Of course, the spirit feels so different to each of us. And this writing is not dwelling on depths as the tone is lightheartedness.

Thanks for dropping by & leaving a few of your thoughts.
Regards,
Jan

Hi Jan,

I guess it really is a spirit thing! I suggest deleting 'It's a' from your title, but it IS a catchy one for sure! You've given us a nice glimpse of things we experience without really seeing their impact on our lives. My biggest nit is that the poem feels too much like a rhyming effort and not so much a free verse, streaming type of poem. The focus looks like it was to make most lines rhyme. If you take away the rhyming aspect here, I think you could really pull out even more visually that we've all experienced - like a summer rainstorm, that light breeze that accompanies it, the shutters we might get passing a cemetery (is it the spirits calling), things like that too. There's no boundaries with how many lines/stanzas you could think of here and use of these sparklers as inner rhymes too. Of course I like the poem the way it is, but wonder if you might consider removing some of the end rhymes - or rearranging this to be more formal and then we'd best move it over to Herme's Homilies, the R&M forum.

The one stanza that caught my eye is S3, partly because of its longer lines. I'll toss in a suggestion to break out the stanza into two to slow down the reader's thoughts and images - perhaps something like this:

In a baby’s smile,
a second glance,
a simple touch,
a bit of romance,
enticing food
boosting the mood,
a delightful song
when you sing along,

belly-laughing that leaves you crying,
starlit skies that leave you sighing –
all given times to enjoy before dying.

I look forward to your return comments Jan. Have a great day!
~Cleo

Hi, Jan this is very inspirational, you flow with your soul
I enjoy this read, thank you for sheering