 Within My Reach (Revised Sep 24th), A response to Emily Dickinson |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Sep 28 06, 05:38
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#21
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Thanks so much Liz - I appreciate your support very much!
 HUGS ~Cleo 
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Sep 29 06, 09:18
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#22
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Good luck in your endeavors Lori! Let us know how things turn out!
 Cathy |
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Sep 30 06, 06:41
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#23
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Cleo,
Although you've not seen any comments from me above, it's time to tell you I've been following the progress being made and learning at every stage. Your having paraphrased well-known poem by a famous poet caught my attention immediately. My first thought was that there wasn't much need for improvement and while I'll stick to that view, I also see the sparkle the polishing brought. I note that Dickinson, being of yore, wrote in measured feet. Modern practice seems to emphasize syllable count rather than feet, but in both Em's and yours, the rhythm is maintained. It seems to me that your version is more cheerful and comporting than hers. Your line including taking the hand, I believe, has magic in it. Now that its form is as perfect as it will get, compare the messages. If it's the message that makes the poet,... Cheers, Ron jgd ······· ······· |
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Sep 30 06, 10:14
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#24
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE(Cathy @ Sep 29 06, 10:18 ) [snapback]84238[/snapback] Good luck in your endeavors Lori! Let us know how things turn out! Cathy Thanks very much Cathy! I'll keep ya posted.  ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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 Sep 30 06, 10:18
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#25
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE(jgdittier @ Sep 30 06, 07:41 ) [snapback]84261[/snapback] Dear Cleo, Although you've not seen any comments from me above, it's time to tell you I've been following the progress being made and learning at every stage. Your having paraphrased well-known poem by a famous poet caught my attention immediately. My first thought was that there wasn't much need for improvement and while I'll stick to that view, I also see the sparkle the polishing brought. I note that Dickinson, being of yore, wrote in measured feet. Modern practice seems to emphasize syllable count rather than feet, but in both Em's and yours, the rhythm is maintained. It seems to me that your version is more cheerful and comporting than hers. Your line including taking the hand, I believe, has magic in it. Now that its form is as perfect as it will get, compare the messages. If it's the message that makes the poet,... Cheers, Ron jgd Hello Ron.  I'm ever so grateful for your visit to my tile! You are very kind and I am extemely flattered by your kind words.  It's amazing what a few word changes can bring about. I am like many, in that I do not concentrate so much on syllables as much as the 'sound and rhythm' of each line. That is my favorite line So I'm glad you mentioned it too, it's an uplifting of sorts.You should know me Ron, I am always after the message in a poem or story and wanted this one to bring about a smile and a hopeful insight. Thanks so much for stopping by! ~Cleo  
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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