Wolf Winds REVISED, Quatern Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Wolf Wind ~ Quatern (REVISED)

I hear your call within the wind;
through rustling leaves its message sends
the knowledge that you're always near,
so to your spirit I adhere.

With heart attuned, my ears intend
to hear your call within the wind.
You share insightful secret thoughts
to help me o'er the snare, where caught.

My heart and soul, abused and maimed;
yet I am one who's not ashamed
to hear your call.  Within the wind
soft whispers flow ... to needs attend.

I'll hike rough trails and forge my path,
still risk the vilest, hateful wrath;
I'll camp alone on river's bend,
to hear your call within the wind.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Feb2006


Wolf Winds ~ Quatern  (ORIGINAL)

I hear your call within the winds;
through rustling leaves the message sends
the knowledge that you're always near,
so to your spirit I adhere.

With heart attuned, my ears intend
to hear your call within the winds.
You share insightful secret thoughts
to help me o'er the snare, where caught.

My heart and soul have been so maimed,
yet I am one who's not ashamed
to hear your call.  Within the winds
soft whispers flow ... to needs attend.

I'll hike rough trails and forge my path,
still risk the vilest, hateful wrath;
I'll camp alone on river's bend,
to hear your call within the winds.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Feb2006

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Cathy,

Apologize for being terse this time, but my brain is lagging.

I suggest singular "wind."

Don

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

this is lovely.  I agree with Don that wind would be better in the singular.

soft whispers flow ... to needs attend.

I don't think to needs attends quite works for me but as I don't quite grasp what you are trying to say, I can't offer an alternative.

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Don,

Apologize for being terse this time, but my brain is lagging.

I know that feeling!  lol  No apology needed.

I suggest singular "wind."

I considered that ... so I will reconsider.  *smile*

Thanks for you thoughts ... now go recharge that brain!

Cat

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

this is lovely.  I agree with Don that wind would be better in the singular.

I'm going to rethink that ... thanks.

soft whispers flow ... to needs attend.

I don't think to needs attends quite works for me but as I don't quite grasp what you are trying to say, I can't offer an alternative.

Wolf Spirit is speaking to me through the wind and addressing whatever might have caused me to reach out to him in the first place.  Does that help any?  *smiles*  Thanks for mentioning that.  Maybe it needs to be clarified so that others understand it, not just me.

Thanks Nina,
Cat  :wolf:  :rose:

[Guest_Don_*]

Yes, Cat, I must return to add to insignificant review.

I know a poetess residing in New Mexico who writes a lot about wolves.

For instance a pack of wolves howling at the moon (less factual than picturesque) sounds like plural winds.  This is why I relate a solo wolf to a singular wind.

For now  

Don

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Cathy,

I like the alliteration in your first line.  It also adapts well to repetition.  My bias is the howling call of the wolf sounds like a haunting wind; therefore, it is more like a wind than being within winds.  What is the significance of a haunting call within other winds?  I miss the metaphor.

Though satisfactory, I would like to see the haunting aspects be more pronounced.

I think you have awakened Edgar Poe within each of us that likes to be stirred by distant calls such as a wolf vocalizing to the rest of the pack.  A mysterious calling from either the far side or just on this side of the grave.  A lone coyote may howl at the moon as a hound bays at the moon, but a wolf's is like jungle drum communication.

I read your poem the implication of an inner relationship responding to the inaccessible wolf speaking to all his/her kind.

Technical quibbles are exceptionally minor.

Don  

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Yes, Cat, I must return to add to insignificant review.

I know a poetess residing in New Mexico who writes a lot about wolves.

For instance a pack of wolves howling at the moon (less factual than picturesque) sounds like plural winds.  This is why I relate a solo wolf to a singular wind.

And it makes much sense!  lol  I couldn't even give a reason for going with the plural.  I think it just came out that way.

Thanks Don!
Cat

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I like the alliteration in your first line.  It also adapts well to repetition.

Thank you~

My bias is the howling call of the wolf sounds like a haunting wind; therefore, it is more like a wind than being within winds.  What is the significance of a haunting call within other winds?  I miss the metaphor.

I see what you're saying and I agree.

Though satisfactory, I would like to see the haunting aspects be more pronounced.

I don't want it 'spooky' haunting ... is there a 'melancholic' haunting?

I think you have awakened Edgar Poe within each of us that likes to be stirred by distant calls such as a wolf vocalizing to the rest of the pack.  A mysterious calling from either the far side or just on this side of the grave.  A lone coyote may howl at the moon as a hound bays at the moon, but a wolf's is like jungle drum communication.

To be associated with Poe is quite a compliment, even though you're talking about that aspect in each of us.  Thank you!  *smile*  

I read your poem the implication of an inner relationship responding to the inaccessible wolf speaking to all his/her kind.

It is a relationship as spirit help to mankind.  

Technical quibbles are exceptionally minor.

That's a first!  lol  I usually have a bunch of them ...

Thanks for expanding on your comments!
Cat

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Cathy,

We apparently agree.  As to not entering technical details, I hold my tongue to avoid biting it.  Seriously, I see nothing except expressions of opinion.  I have a tin ear so nothing should be said about rhyme or reason.

Don  :pharoah2

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Don,

We apparently agree.  As to not entering technical details, I hold my tongue to avoid biting it.

I wouldn't want you to bite your tongue!  lol

 Seriously, I see nothing except expressions of opinion.  I have a tin ear so nothing should be said about rhyme or reason.

That's how I felt about meter for the longest time!

I appreciate whatever comments you feel comfortable making.  Your advice has always been helpful!

Cat

[Guest_Don_*]

Dear Cathy,

I am reticent to comment on meter and rythm, use of articles, and conversational composition.  Though my meter and rhyme are okay, too many persons dislike my stilted style using fewer articles and failing to be conversational.  The word stilted is mine as others are polite.

For example you prefer to use lots of articles, which throw my meter for a loop.  Off the top of my head good free verse tends to be conversational, but I can't find current R&M that is. Am I wrong in trying to make R&M truely conversational?  Until this dilemma is resolved personally, I fear doing more harm analysing detail than not.

I understand you are in contact with Alan, who used to be with MM. I would respect his opion regarding this issue of what degree should conversational usage (not quotation or speech) be applicable to R&M.

Thanks for saying my suggestions have been helpful.  I am at a threshold of growth that may be warping my confidence.

Don

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Don,

I am reticent to comment on meter and rythm, use of articles, and conversational composition.  Though my meter and rhyme are okay, too many persons dislike my stilted style using fewer articles and failing to be conversational.  The word stilted is mine as others are polite.

I don't remember reading anything that I would consider 'stilted'.

For example you prefer to use lots of articles, which throw my meter for a loop.

English was never my best subject. By articles, do you mean 'the', 'a', and such?

 Off the top of my head good free verse tends to be conversational, but I can't find current R&M that is. Am I wrong in trying to make R&M truely conversational?  Until this dilemma is resolved personally, I fear doing more harm analysing detail than not.

Oh my ... I don't know that I would ever consider R&M conversational, at least not in the sense that FV can be.  With the rhyme and meter of most R&M it reads more sing-songy to me.

I understand you are in contact with Alan, who used to be with MM. I would respect his opion regarding this issue of what degree should conversational usage (not quotation or speech) be applicable to R&M.

Yes I am fortunately.  He's a wonderful person and he's been very helpful in commenting on my work.

Thanks for saying my suggestions have been helpful.  I am at a threshold of growth that may be warping my confidence.

I'm not just 'saying' it, I am sincere about it.  I understand the confidence thing though.  Just keep writing and you'll work through it.  I almost quit recently although I knew in my heart that's not what I wanted so I kept plugging away and I'm glad I did.  You are much too good a writer to give into it.

Cat

[JustDaniel]

As I've already told you, Cat, I love the hopeful message and the approach to a natural flow within this, Cat.  You're working on a keeper in this one, for sure.  Good used of enjambement and slight variation of the repeated line.

Wolf Winds

I hear your call within the winds;
through rustling leaves the its message sends
the knowledge that you're always near,
so to your spirit I adhere.
[ I have read this line over and over, and I can't make a suggestion for it yet.  It feels, to use Don's word, 'stilted'.  I think you're stuck with this rhyme ?  maybe something like...]

... there;
I sense your spirit in the air / or, everywhere.

With heart attuned, my ears intend
to hear your call within the winds.
You share insightful secret thoughts
[ I'm not sure 'insightful' is quite the word you're meaning ? ]
to help me o'er the snare, where caught.

My heart and soul have been so maimed,
[ methinks that when one is maimed, it's kind of the max, so 'so' appears to be a metrical filler here, Cat.  Please explain the meaning / import of heart and soul being maimed, and I might have a suggestion ?]
yet I am one who's not ashamed
to hear your call.  Within the winds
soft whispers flow ... to my needs at tend.

I'll hike rough trails and forge my path,
still risk the vilest, hateful wrath;
I'll camp alone on river's bend(,)
to hear your call within the winds.

I hope all this doesn't make it seem as though I don't like this, because I do... and on the first read I felt that it was a mataphor also for your hearing and sensing God everywhere.

deLighting in the interchange, Daniel  

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Cathy,

Thank U for your encouragement.  I have been emerging myself with prose and free verse writers, which may be cause of my mild depression.  I am glad for you to say that you do not consider R&M conversational.  We agree it is supposed to sound more sing-song. Iambic for example likens to a two-step dance.  A series of anapests (low-low-high) is a different dance step and inserting a few into pure iambic adds spice.

Yes, articles are the connecting words like the, and, then, or, etc.  They usually take a low stress in scansion. Hence, two low stresses in a row tend to make anapest out of otherwise iambic.  When I write in iambic I tend to use single articles and let the reader mentally supply the missing.

A columnist in our local newspaper wrote that this area tends to leave out "to be" when they speak.  His example is we would say, "It needs fixed."  These three words seem perfectly conversational to me.  I also would call it a bacchiac foot like, "the WHOLE HOG."  One might argue for two feet—an iamb and a monosyllable.  Little doubt about three syllables though.

I certainly have a tin ear regarding smooth rythm and try to compensate by way of mechanical substitutes.  Listeners who can hear the music are far ahead of a mechanical writer.

I am glad you have access to Allan.  Don't let him go.

Thanks again for inserting sunshine into an otherwise overcast day.  Would Indiana be interested in taking Governor Taft away from us Buckeyes?

Don

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Daniel,

As I've already told you, Cat, I love the hopeful message and the approach to a natural flow within this, Cat.

Thank you!

 You're working on a keeper in this one, for sure.  Good used of enjambement and slight variation of the repeated line.

Do you mind showing me where the rhythm falls short in your opinion?  Or are the suggestions below the places you talking about?  That way I know what to work on. *smiles*

Quote (Cathy @ Feb. 04 2006, 16:53)
Wolf Winds

I hear your call within the winds;
through rustling leaves the its message sends
the knowledge that you're always near,
so to your spirit I adhere.
[ I have read this line over and over, and I can't make a suggestion for it yet.  It feels, to use Don's word, 'stilted'.  I think you're stuck with this rhyme ?  maybe something like...]

... there;
I sense your spirit in the air / or, everywhere. Good suggestion but that would throw off the rhyme.  'Air' and 'everywhere' don't rhyme with 'near'.  I'll give some extra thought to that line.

With heart attuned, my ears intend
to hear your call within the winds.
You share insightful secret thoughts
[ I'm not sure 'insightful' is quite the word you're meaning ? ] 'grasping the inner nature of things intuitively, clear understanding of a complex situation, feeling of understanding, clear or deep perception of a situation' ... Yes, I think that's what I want. *smiles*
to help me o'er the snare, where caught.

My heart and soul have been so maimed,
[ methinks that when one is maimed, it's kind of the max, so 'so' appears to be a metrical filler here, Cat.  Please explain the meaning / import of heart and soul being maimed, and I might have a suggestion ?] My heart and soul were taken from me, stomped on, ripped apart, spit on and completely disrepected.  'So' is basically a filler but I couldn't think of anything better when I posted.  :laugh:
yet I am one who's not ashamed
to hear your call.  Within the winds
soft whispers flow ... to my needs at tend.

I'll hike rough trails and forge my path,
still risk the vilest, hateful wrath;
I'll camp alone on river's bend(,)
to hear your call within the winds.

I hope all this doesn't make it seem as though I don't like this, because I do...

No I didn't think that! lol

and on the first read I felt that it was a mataphor also for your hearing and sensing God everywhere.

I sense God and my spirit helpers everywhere ... *smile*

Thanks for the help Daniel.  Working on a revision soon!

Cat

[JustDaniel]

You missed part of my tentative suggestion, Cat...

replacing "near" with
...there;  

Make more sense now, on the re-look?  

re the 'insightful' line...

Yes, I know that is exactly what you meant with the WORD, but HOW is it shared?  Maybe I just don't get what you're trying to convey with it?  I THINK I'm right with you... but it just doesn't seem to sound right?  Wish I could show you somehow what I mean!

and maybe...

my heart, my soul... yes, I've been maimed...
but I would never be ashamed

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Daniel,

You missed part of my tentative suggestion, Cat...

replacing "near" with
...there;  

Make more sense now, on the re-look?

Oooops... I guess I did!  Sorry!  Yes it makes sense now.  lol  

re the 'insightful' line...

Yes, I know that is exactly what you meant with the WORD, but HOW is it shared?  Maybe I just don't get what you're trying to convey with it?  I THINK I'm right with you... but it just doesn't seem to sound right?  Wish I could show you somehow what I mean!

Let me give it some thought and maybe I can explain.  And maybe I should try to reword.  Hmmm...

and maybe...

my heart, my soul... yes, I've been maimed...
but I would never be ashamed

Now that makes sense!  And better worded too!  Thanks!

Cat

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Don,

Thank U for your encouragement.  I have been emerging myself with prose and free verse writers, which may be cause of my mild depression.

Your welcome.  I would hate to see a good writer such as yourself fall by the wayside.  I can't let that happen, now can I?  At least you're writing and that's what counts.  I've found it therapeutic to write even when I didn't post them.

 I am glad for you to say that you do not consider R&M conversational.  We agree it is supposed to sound more sing-song. Iambic for example likens to a two-step dance.  A series of anapests (low-low-high) is a different dance step and inserting a few into pure iambic adds spice.

For someone who doesn't like to write in meter you are very knowledgeable!  lol  Now we're singing and two-steppin'.  Lovely combo!

Yes, articles are the connecting words like the, and, then, or, etc.  They usually take a low stress in scansion. Hence, two low stresses in a row tend to make anapest out of otherwise iambic.  When I write in iambic I tend to use single articles and let the reader mentally supply the missing.

And two stresses in a row can really mess up one's rhythm!

A columnist in our local newspaper wrote that this area tends to leave out "to be" when they speak.  His example is we would say, "It needs fixed."  These three words seem perfectly conversational to me.

I agree!

 I also would call it a bacchiac foot like, "the WHOLE HOG."  One might argue for two feet—an iamb and a monosyllable.  Little doubt about three syllables though.

I'll have to go look that one up!  lol

I certainly have a tin ear regarding smooth rythm and try to compensate by way of mechanical substitutes.  Listeners who can hear the music are far ahead of a mechanical writer.

After reading Pearl Grin... I don't think you're as bad or as far off as you think.  It may not have been a specific rhythm type but it definitely had rhythm and I only found the one spot I think where it was off just a tad.

I am glad you have access to Allan.  Don't let him go.

I will remember that.  And I will be sure to tell him how highly you think of him.

Thanks again for inserting sunshine into an otherwise overcast day.  Would Indiana be interested in taking Governor Taft away from us Buckeyes?

My pleasure, to be sure!  And no thanks, you can keep your politicians!  lol

Cat

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Cathy.  :wolf:

I enjoyed all the poetic devices you've empliyed in this keeper!  :dance:  Alliteration always works for me and the enjambment too is smooth. I cannot think of any alternative suggestions - only a comment regarging the use of the word 'the' in the first three lines of S1.

A strong stance made even stronger in the ending too.  :claps:

The only idea I have is with your refrain as an alternative:

I hear your call within amidthe winds...

Other than those items noted above, this is another fab Quatern Cathy!  :bookworm:

~Cleo  :sings: