Evolving it just might be true, Story poem Options

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

Evolving

I truly know that I exist
but what I am I do not know.
I will continue, I insist
I have to live, I have to grow.

Generated in the putrid slime
of cess pits far below the earth
I had to come it was my time.
Perchance I was a virgin birth.

I know to live I must needs eat
and absorb all I come across.
With every living thing compete,
each meal I gain, another’s loss.

I gain much more from meals than food,
I gain the contents of a mind.
My  present state of knowledge, crude;
But who knows what next I will find.

At last I reach the light of day.
Where the small animals abound
and gladly on them I will prey.
Each meal brings knowledge I have found.

To gain more knowledge I ingest
small mammals who’re afraid of me
Their higher minds add interest.
I know that they use eyes to see.

Now I decide that I must rest
and classify my memories.
I put my knowledge to the test,
develop three eyes easily.

These mammals have four legs to move.
Whilst I just ooze along the ground,
I search within my treasure trove
and I grow legs with which to bound.


I can seek now for larger prey
But I must do so carefully.
Conspicuous by the light of day,
my growing size easy to see.

I fear no foe of my own size.
They don’t know how to deal with me,
they’re dead before they realise.
I pick their brains clean instantly.

Then suddenly I cannot see,
the light has gone I don’t know why.
I lie in wait defensively
I have more thoughts to classify.

I learn facts from my random store
understand the loss of light
and know that morning will restore
the faculty I have of sight.

Instinctively I know to hide
from man, my greatest enemy.
The minds I have absorbed inside
have made that very clear to me.

So warily I watch and wait
there is so much for me to learn.
As slowly my thoughts percolate
I must examine each in turn.

I gather man is powerful
and that his species rule the earth.
He will present an obstacle
to overcome and prove my worth.

I do not have a name as yet.
But I am certain I’m the one
that creatures see and don’t forget.
I instil fear I am unknown.





I can now change my shape at will,
appear to be what I am not.
I can quickly adapt my skill,
faster than the speed of thought.

I must consume a living man
absorb his mind while it is whole.
I have no doubt at all I can.
I do so and I taste his soul.

A flavour that is new to me
but one I find that I enjoy.
I test it analytically,
 I discover it was a boy.

A junior member of the race
who has not reached maturity.
but still my knowledge grows apace.
I know enough to guarantee.

This world is mine alone to rule
I will absorb them one by one.
They are not difficult to fool
so I will feast til they are gone.

I like the name the boy called me,
his final words before he died.
In terror he called "God help me"
and now I have him safe inside.

I learn that God’s omnipotent,
all powerful and in control.
Which closely mirrors my intent,
to rule this world my final goal.

My name is God, soon men will know
that I have come to take their place.
Their time is up they have to go
to make room for a greater race.



At present I am singular
but I can multiply at will.
My fluid form crepuscular,
I have the knowledge and the skill.

Though you may fight you cannot win,
this battle you are sure to lose.
I am the first born of my kin,
your time is drawing to its close.

You’re easy to identify,
to you I am a mystery.
Accept your fate prepare to die
it’s foreordained it has to be.

Jan-06
 

[Psyche]

Wow, Ivan, this is science fiction at its most terrifying best....  :speechless:
I shall have to come here several times to really appreciate it, but at first reading I see an admixture of Sir Fred Hoyle's novels, plus The Night of the Living Dead, and some modern movies that I can't remember right now, and then something absolutely new that you've thought up on your own... scary, indeed !!

But I'm sure other people at MM know a lot more than I do about these subjects, I'm just wildly speculating...  :oops:  :upside:

I imagine some sort of unicellular life, quite basic & simple, but a unique one, of course, considering the ending... this "thing" evolves on it's own, eating its way into an all-powerful being that emulates God.... Is it the Devil? No, it can't be, it's something else, quite unknown to our species.... ugh...!!!

I do not have a name as yet.
But I am certain I’m the one
that creatures see and don’t forget.
I instil fear I am unknown.

The ending is fantastic. No name yet. I guess it needn't ever have a name, as it'll gobble up all living things and be alone. Then it will perhaps be nothing at all also, since it'll not be observed by anyone or anything, it will be a non-entity or an organic Black Hole or something equally mind-boggling.

BTW, I suggest a comma after "I instil fear, ..... "

Hey, gimme a break, I'll be back !!
Or perhaps not.... is it safe?
Cheers,
Sylvia-Psyche  :borg:

[Nefertiti]

Hey!

This is massively impressive!  You really developed this extrodinarily well! Very intreguing premis.  Great use of vocab.  While long, it does not lose interest.  Very thought provoking.  And, being on the borderline of germaphobia, I'm off to thoroughly wash my hands when I'm finished here! EEEK!

I have some minor crits - mostly just little punctuation thingies that are the kinda thing that makes me happy. If you don't like 'em, just pretend I'm your spouse and ingore me! LOL!  Hope they help.





I truly know that I exist
but what I am, I do not know.
I will continue, I insist
I have to live, I have to grow.

Generated in the putrid slime
of cess pits far below the earth,.(lose the period)
I had to come it was my time.
Perchance I was a virgin birth.

I know to live I must needs eat
and absorb all I come across.
With every living thing compete.(same as above - comma & chuck the period)
Each meal I gain, another’s loss.

I gain much more from meals than food(dash or comma - your choice)
I gain the contents of a mind.
My  present state of knowledge, crude.(semi-colon?  The thought seems incomplete to me.)
But who knows what next I will find.

At last I reach the light of day.(lose the period)
Where the small animals abound
and gladly on them I will prey.
Each meal brings knowledge I have found.

To gain more knowledge I ingest
small mammals who’re afraid of me
Their higher minds add interest.
I know that they use eyes to see(Now I want a period)

Now I decide that I must rest
and classify my memories.
I put my knowledge to the test,
develop three eyes easily.

These mammals have four legs to move.
Whilst I just ooze along the ground,
I search within my treasure trove
and I grow legs with which to bound.


I can seek now for larger prey
But I must do so carefully.
Conspicuous by the light of day (comma please)
my growing size easy to see.

I fear no foe of my own size(a dash, perhaps?)
They don’t know how to deal with me,
they’re dead before they realise.
I pick their brains clean instantly.

Then suddenly I cannot see (a dash, perhaps?)
the light has gone I don’t know why.
I lie in wait defensively
I have more thoughts to classify.

I learn facts from my random store(comma please)
understand the loss of light
and know that morning will restore
the faculty I have of sight.

Instinctively I know to hide
from man (comma please)my greatest enemy.
The minds I have absorbed inside
have made that very clear to me.

So warily I watch and wait
there is so much for me to learn.
As slowly my thoughts percolate
I must examine each in turn.

I gather man is powerful
and that his species rule the earth.
He will present an obstacle
to overcome and prove my worth.

I do not have a name as yet.
But I am certain I’m the one
that creatures see and don’t forget.
I instil fear I am unknown.

I can now change my shape at will,
appear to be what I am not.
I can quickly adapt my skill,
faster than the speed of thought.

I must consume a living man
absorb his mind while it is whole.
I have no doubt at all I can.(This phrase is a bit akward to me.  I'm not quite catching what your'e trying to convey. Sorry.)
I do so and I taste his soul.

A flavour that is new to me
but one I find that I enjoy.
I test it analytically,
I discover it was a boy.

A junior member of the race
who has not reached maturity.
but still my knowledge grows apace.
I know enough to guarantee.

This world is mine alone to rule
I will absorb them one by one.
They are not difficult to fool
so I will feast til they are gone.

I like the name the boy called me,
his final words before he died(Now I want a period)
In terror he called "God help me"
and now I have him safe inside.

I learn that God’s omnipotent,
all powerful and in control.
Which closely mirrors my intent,
to rule this world (comma please)my final goal.

My name is God, soon men will know
that I have come to take their place.
Their time is up (comma please)they have to go
to make room for a greater race.



At present I am singular
but I can multiply at will.
My fluid form crepuscular(comma please)
I have the knowledge and the skill.

Though you may fight you cannot win(dash)
this battle you are sure to lose.
I am the first born of my kin,
your time is drawing to its close.

You’re easy to identify(dash)
to you I am a mystery.
Accept your fate(comma) prepare to die(dash)
it’s foreordained(comma) it has to be.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi PP

A very chilling tale.  This evil entity which wants to rule the Earth, devouring everything in its path, wanting to control humans and take over the world, disguising its evil under the pretense of being God.

Is this a sci-fi story or your way of expressing your thoughts on God and religion? Singular - one initial God, multiplying to produce many different religions.  More fighting and killing has been carried out in the name of religion, will we wipe ourselves out eventually?  I'm probably way off on a tangent but very thought provoking

gotta go, daughter hassling for the PC

Nina

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

Nefertiti I thqnkyou for time tocritique this piece  I have accepted many if not most of you puntuation suggestions
I am a poor one finger typist I am afraid and most of the alterations were down to carelessness of my typing.
The phrase I have no doubt iI  is the entity stating it has no doubt  it can absorb a living man.  I thought it was very plain and have discussed at length with my wife who is also a gifted writer and she can see no difficulty with the meaning.  Perhaps it is just a different way of putting things to what you are used  ivor

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Ivor

I have no problem understanding that phrase either so it may be a transatlantic difference in phraseology.  Despite us both speaking English there are many language differences between the two countries and I find those differences fascinating.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Ivor.

Since this poem contains R&M throughout, it should be posted in Herme's Homilies. The problem is that you have many poems there already (one I had to lock) and anotehr posted there today so I cannot move this one over.

I cannot move it because it will go against our forum rule of posting 1 poem every other day, provided 2 crits have been given in the same forum.

So, for now, I leave this comment so those who expect this poem to be of free verse will know it was posted in the wrong forum.

Lori