Haiku, Japanese form Options

[JustDaniel]

In my uneducated opinion, your revision is wondrous.

Now, as to my silly bit of farce, I guess you might call it a pseudo haiku.  It portrays dogs making noise while they water trees while leaves fall on the ground (to represent fall).  Meanwhile a cedar (presumable listening) sheds some of its bark (which happens year round, but more so in the fall, I think)... and tries maybe to shed some of the barkING too, methinks.

Sorry for my little side-trip.  I do that occasionally, you may have noticed?

stubborn acorns cringe
as nut goes out on a limb;
ducks squirrel away

Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

[Cybele]

[b]
Good morning Daniel,

Thank you for your kind comment. All your comments are of great help in my quest for the way to write good haiku.

Sorry for my little side-trip.  I do that occasionally, you may have noticed?

What we I do without the 'little smiles from Daniel' in the  mornings?

stubborn acorns cringe
as nut goes out on a limb;
ducks squirrel away

This one I understand perfectly. I think you must have been in my local park yesterday when this happened

Now, after having checked whether I am answering in Haiku or Senryu...  

dog-eared address book;
I chase my children
around the pages

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Well, Grace...

I'm glad that you checked which forum you were in for this wonderful little tidbit...

and then lunged headlong into a superb senryu!  It shows me that I ain't the only one who can forget so quickly!

One forgetful senryu deserves another, dontcha think?

startled cat attempts
to skirt approaching walker;
frigid unawares

But here's a follow-up real haiku on the same subject with an underlying faux-ku for your pleasure?

wind whistles through limbs;
wolves turn to find their pray,
howling at the moon

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,

Well it was really meant as a joke (which backfired on me). I needed a smiley of a person with tongue in cheek but couldn't find one. I realise now the the head banger just didn't convey the message.

startled cat attempts
to skirt approaching walker;
frigid unawares

This gave me the shivers my friend, I am frightened of cats and don't they know it! They always make a beeline for me and wrap themselves around my legs (That's if I stay in one place long enough for them to reach me!

wind whistles through limbs;
wolves turn to find their pray,
howling at the moon

This one is very clever Daniel. I love the play on words  'pray' for prey and howling at the moon as if in prayer.

Now I really must stop messing up Lori's lovely forums. So here is a REAL haiku...

sudden storm:
old moggie takes shelter
in a rusty bucket

In case the word moggie is unfamiliar to you it is a name applied to a cat of no particular pedigree. (I am sure that animals are allowed in haiku, the Japanese are always writing about birds and crickets.)


Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

I think that's a great one, Grace.  Some purists might say something like "sudden snow storm" to give a specific seasonal anchor, but not all occidental haiku-ers concur.  In our cultures today, I think anything goes has long extended into poetry.

wind-blown leaves snuggle;
stray dog warms in their hovel
beneath tall privet

I hope this serious one causes something in you to curl up too!

deLightingly, Daniel  

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

I hope this serious one causes something in you to curl up too!

wind-blown leaves snuggle;
stray dog warms in their hovel
beneath tall privet

It certainly did my friend. While frightened of cats, I love dogs !

Glad this one found a nice warm spot.

cold light of dawn;
stumbling through autumnal fog
a wounded  deer

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

cold light of dawn;
stumbling through autumnal fog
a wounded  deer

Stunning portrayal of a difficult reality at the core of the debate over thinning herds in areas of population creeping into the domain of the deer, Grace. Here is the other side of the story... from a guy that's never shot at anything (except once with an M16 at targets in 1983):

cruel highway dusk;
grazing doe struck by light
drips red in snow bank

not so Lightly, Daniel  

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,

cruel highway dusk;
grazing doe struck by light
drips red in snow bank

This reminds me of a trip I took in August. I drove over a 1000 miles around England to see friends of ours who were too ill to come to Ralph’s funeral.

On the vast moorland regions of the Pennines (the backbone of England) and on the Yorkshire moors, the breathtaking scenery was only marred by the very high number of ‘road kill’ animals. Such a very sad sight.

Hunter’s moon;
shadow tracks my footsteps
across the beach

Love
Grace

[Cleo_Serapis]

frosted driveway
signals start of Winter's Day
in late October

[JustDaniel]

Grace, you'll have to write about those moors and give us the feeling of that "backbone" too.  Sounds like fodder for some more poetry and a travelog for us colonists on the other side of the pond, eh?  We needs some edumacation!

an' speakin' o' edumacation, Grace, ya gots ta watch out fer usin' them capitals in these here oriental snapshots, ya know!  ... an' since when does a Cockney lass capitalize on an 'h' anyhow?!

Here's an impression with a bit o' cheek... at both ends!

mooning o’er harvest
white-tail grazes field naked;
hunter’s moon

© MLee Dickens’son 27 Oct 2004  

sLightly twistin' in da moonLight, Daniel

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Queen o' the Nile!

frosted driveway
signals start of Winter's Day
in late October

This is a fascinating snapshot, but unless "Winter's Day" is a day I don't know about, LorII, methinks it oughta be without the caps to maintain that haiku tradition?  ... and might you consoder something like this... to work toward two distinct snapshots of the same scene?

late October
signals winter's days too soon;
frosted driveway

sLightly slippin' off to work, Daniel  

P.S. Can my icon image be made smaller?  It takes up too much space... and maybe scares folks off!

[Cybele]

Good afternoon Daniel.  

Grace, you'll have to write about those moors and give us the feeling of that "backbone" too.  Sounds like fodder for some more poetry and a travelog for us colonists on the other side of the pond, eh?  We needs some edumacation!

I will see what I can do Daniel ~ I never gave it a thought before now.

an' speakin' o' edumacation, Grace, ya gots ta watch out fer usin' them capitals in these here oriental snapshots, ya know!  ... an' since when does a Cockney lass capitalize on an 'h' anyhow?!  

sorry Daniel, I have always associated a Hunter’s moon with a capital letter, as that is generally how is it written even in mid-sentence over here. As you know I GENERALLY AVOID CAPITALS IN HAIKU  

mooning o’er harvest
white-tail grazes field naked;
hunter’s moon

very cheeky!  

Love

Grace

[Cybele]

Good afternoon Lori,    

frosted driveway
signals start of Winter's Day
in late October

Oh, the dreaded frost!    I am always taken unawares at this time of year.


I know this could be considered senryu, but it is appropos of your winter warning

first frosty morning;
I find long-lost sunglasses
where are my gloves?

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

moi?  Cheeky?  

... by the way, I think maybe I shoulda made that last line

dear hunter's moon   Whatcha think?

first frosty morning;
I find long-lost sunglasses
where are my gloves?

Now as to that one... yes, it is a senryu, so why not post it over yonder too!?

... so I can give a smart-alecky response to it!  

Meanwhile, is this haiku-ish enough?

a frosted mourning;
translucent window weeps
with dour chili mug

Lightly shivering, Daniel  

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,  

dear hunter's moon?
I deniro 'bout that
a meryl streeptease?

Off for my evening meal now young man, catch ya later.  :wave:

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

there she goes again:
strippin' off 'er close, displays
senryu 'haiku'

sLightly shocked, Daniel  :oops:

P.S.  Is that a movie Meryl and Robert were in.  I love them both!  Meryl can play ANYONE!!  :dove:

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

I didn't think there was anyone in America (or Britain) who hadn't seen The Deer Hunter.  :speechless:

This film was hailed by some as the best war film ever made and yet was slated by others, who thought the film was about war and not friendship.
Robert De Niro was a little wooden (I have to say he is a good actor because he invariably scares me witless (as in Cape Fear).

Merryl Streep as always was spellbinding to watch. (My favourite living actress!!) her greatest triumph was in Sophie's Choice.  :sings:

Love

Grace

[Cybele]

ancient boulder
host to dainty spring flower;
perfumed parasite

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Toni stone-head said
Let them eat cake ~ she lost hers;
parfumed Parisite

oops!  Was that a pseudo-ku?  

full October moon
eclipsed by Earth’s shadow;
hunter dons orange

[Cybele]

Great reply Daniel,

Yes, definitely a pseudo-ku, but hey, I make so many mistakes ~
I'll let you off that one. I'm feeling magnanimous today  

Toni stone-head said
Let them eat cake ~ she lost hers;
parfumed Parisite

Particularly liked the last line Daniel, french parfume on a paris - ite.

By the way, wasn't the cake she mentioned really brioche?

full October moon
eclipsed by Earth’s shadow;
hunter dons orange

Still out with those hound Daniel? Very pretty!

Love

Grace