 Haiku, Japanese form |
  |
 Oct 15 04, 11:26
Post
#221
|
|
 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
cloudy all day long;
winged hordes of lake immigrants deposit luggage ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner        |
  
|
|
|
Oct 15 04, 11:34
Post
#222
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hi again Daniel,
 One more and I must go and prepare my dinner. abandoned hubcap; scrap yard dog finds a companion Grace 
······· ······· Love
Grace  http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner        |
|
|
|
|
Oct 15 04, 11:47
Post
#223
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
now that one is touching! It's right on the line between senryu and haiku in my thinking, but I love the way you captured two snapshots of the very unnatural nature of one miniscule but real happening in a junk yard.
You've mused this follow-up from our own yard: composting leaf pile; yellow household Labrador retrieves summer's warmth deLightingly, Daniel :sun: ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 19 04, 05:20
Post
#224
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Do you have a golden labrador Daniel? Surely the most loving dog ever.
 composting leaf pile; yellow household Labrador retrieves summer's warmth lovely mind picture Daniel!  gnarled olive tree pregnant with fruit; invincible relic (Memories of Greece, aaah! )Love Grace [/b]
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 19 04, 17:32
Post
#225
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
boughed down in sorrow
leaving all its tears inside, winter willow weeps I know this is weak as a haiku, since it is ONE picture, but I just ran out of time. I'll be back. Lovin' deLight, Daniel :sun: ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 20 04, 02:30
Post
#226
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
QUOTE boughed down in sorrow leaving all its tears inside, winter willow weeps Still a lovely image Daniel ( reminds me of the death scene in the ballet Swan Lake - very touching) wintry morning; luring me from warm nest rich aroma of coffee Love Grace
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 21 04, 13:17
Post
#227
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
hmmm 4-6-7 perhaps okay for katauta... but not haiku, methinks...
QUOTE wintry morning; luring me from warm nest rich aroma of coffee maybe... coffee aroma filters, luring me from nest; wintry morning warmth wintering smoke-puffs trail from hamburger season; prints to Burger King ... though both of these border on senryu, methinks? Lightly seasoned, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 22 04, 04:20
Post
#228
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
[b]
Good morning Daniel, QUOTE hmmm 4-6-7 perhaps okay for katauta... but not haiku, methinks... Oops!! Ever had one of those days when you should have stayed in bed? When I dropped the lid of the toothpaste and banged my head retrieving it, then stubbed my toe on the bed I should have known I was in for a chaotic day!  Yes, of course you are right Daniel, this is senryu. You must forgive me, I am still learning the language.  My revision first wintry morning; luring me from warm nest,rich coffee aroma Yours is a tad better I feel Daniel but I couldn't leave mine in that state  QUOTE wintering smoke-puffs trail from hamburger season; prints to Burger King Like the haiku Daniel, but not a fan of fast food. I prefer a lovely fresh rainbow trout and roast vegetables (last night's dinner Absolutely delicious.) rainbow garbed pisces you were never more welcomed than here,on my plate Love Grace P.S Daniel can we finish the Renga? Awaiting your decision on fomenting/fermenting. ······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
| Guest_Brahms_* |
 Oct 22 04, 00:11
Post
#229
|
 |
Definitely intended to post in haiku section,
because I may be inaccurate, could you? Many thanks Cleo, Stephen |
|
|
|
| Guest_Brahms_* |
Oct 21 04, 16:01
Post
#230
|
|
|
Solid dark quiet
pasture cool lapping stall door horses warm breathing. Brazen lost rooster announces breakfast becoming hay and warmed gruel. Mid-day pasture change big boys move out grand pasture two old horses trade. Proud mare gallops in now rests while aged Maverick gusto totting still. Clean stalled dinner now grapping full focused intent evening rains down. |
|
|
|
|
Oct 21 04, 16:13
Post
#231
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Stephen.
DId you mean to post this in Homer's? Or as part of haiku? ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner   |
|
|
|
|
Oct 22 04, 05:18
Post
#232
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Maybe I'm confuse Grace
 But methinks Katauta is the japanese word for 'stanza', not an actual poetic form...  :) ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 22 04, 05:25
Post
#233
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hello Cleo,
QUOTE Maybe I'm confuse Grace But methinks Katauta is the japanese word for 'stanza', not an actual poetic form... QUOTE hmmm 4-6-7 perhaps okay for katauta... but not haiku, methinks... Sorry, were you referring to this quote from Daniel? I think he meant the word count would make a good katauta (stanza) for a mondo at least that was how I read it. Incidentally I was just replying to Brahms' piece when I got an error message and it - disappeared ... pooooff! Just like that.  Help!! Love Grace
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 22 04, 09:30
Post
#234
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE (Cybele @ Oct. 22 2004, 06:25) Hello Cleo, Incidentally I was just replying to Brahms' piece when I got an error message and it - disappeared ... pooooff! Just like that. Help!! Love Grace Hi Grace.  Please email me the exact details as to what you did when you received the error (an what the error was) - it's the only way I can research it.... I need to know the actual steps and the error message to investigate... Thanks! Lori ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 03:54
Post
#235
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hello Stephen,   I tried to reply to this two days ago but just as I was posting a reply - it disappeared !! Fortunately Lori solved the mystery  Solid dark quiet pasture cool lapping stall door horses warm breathing. Brazen lost rooster announces breakfast becoming hay and warmed gruel. L2 one too many syllables, suggest announce coming breakfast ? Mid-day pasture change big boys move out grand pasture two old horses trade. L2 maybe big boys move to grand pasture ? Proud mare gallops in now rests while aged Maverick gusto totting still. L2 one too many syllables maybe now rests while old maverick ? Clean stalled dinner now grapping full focused intent evening rains down. I don't quite follow this last stanza Stephen I somehow want to read cleaned stalls, dinner now gripping full focused intent evening rains down. Have I got the wrong end of the stick here? You take me straight into those stables with steaming horses waiting impatiently for their meal. How warm it feels in there! Love Grace
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 03:58
Post
#236
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
ribbon of moonlight
paves way for fishing boats chasing silver shoals ······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 06:44
Post
#237
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Cybele @ Oct. 25 2004, 04:58) ribbon of moonlight paves way for fishing boats chasing silver shoals Grace, this is a beatutiful, easily visualized picture, but methinks it's but one picture rather than two snapshot impressions? Whatcha think? rays of morning light pierce low-lying autumn fog; birds screech out, Get up! Lightly, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 08:01
Post
#238
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hi Daniel,
You see, that's my trouble. A thought comes, my mind go off half-cocked and this is what happens.  Good job, you are there to guide me. I want so much to be able to write good haiku, but I still have so much to learn. Is this better?ribbon of moonlight: small boats leave harbour chasing silver shoals QUOTE rays of morning light pierce low-lying autumn fog; birds screech out, Get up! I know about this one ~ I live 1 1/2 miles from the sea and those gulls are early risers !!:lol: I think this one is right though? vase of lilies by the open window; moon bathing Love Grace
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 08:25
Post
#239
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
From my perspective I think your first one is perfect, Grace!
The second one is certainly two snapshots, but the first one is a bit blurred without a subject, don't you think? The third line is virtually essential to fill it out. And I think most haikuers, no matter how many onji they utilize, expect that the second line be LONGER than the others. Whatcha think? baying hounds roam to water leaf-laden trunks; cedars shed their bark Lightly wizzing through, Daniel :sun: ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 25 04, 16:52
Post
#240
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hello Daniel, I have edited the second one, I hope it is all right now? Thanks for the pointer. baying hounds roam to water leaf-laden trunks; cedars shed their bark Sorry Daniel, I don't understand this one, at least not the second line. Could you explain it please? Love Grace
······· ······· Love
Grace http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
2 User(s) are reading this topic (2 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 6th July 2025 - 17:55 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
