Malice Un-forethought, Wizard Award ~ A poem Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© James Oxenholme, 2005. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Ref: TC 0359 AD (Thanks, Fran, Dani, Nina and Alan )


*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Malice Un-forethought
by TC

Prometheus, a modern man,
forged in heat and fire:
a hundred-thousand volts
powered his electric birth.

I shall call you St. Norme:
You shall have a saintly future;
a normality for all humankind.

Limbs working; voice talking,
he strode across the land.
A man of parts lived in him,
yet he only existed in them.

Yearned to be whole:
as the race from which
he’d been forged.

Though people shun
such different men:
at best to be ignored.

Asylum denied.
Dejected, he turned to his God:
Why have you rejected me?

The good doctor, gone bad,
could only weep:
You are a race apart;
different: a threat.

So St. Norme turned:
he fought against all.
Love, companionship denied:
others’ lives, liberty he took.

From conception, he had
no chance; no future.
He changed his ways, his name
to become what they made him.

Hope begat misery;
desire begat slavery;
destiny begat tyranny.

St. Norme begat the Monster.

(end)

=========================================
TC 0359 AC

Malice Un-forethought
by TC

Prometheus, a modern man
forged in heat and fire:
a hundred-thousand volts
powered his electric birth.

I shall call you St. Norme:
You shall have a saintly future;
a normality for all humankind.

Limbs working; voice talking,
he strode across the land.
A man of parts, lived in him,
yet he only existed in them.

Yearned to be whole;
of the race from
whence he’d been forged.

Though people shun
such different men:
at best to be ignored.

Asylum denied, dejected
he turned, to his God:
Why have you rejected me?

The good doctor, gone bad,
could only weep:
You are a race apart;
different: a threat.

So St. Norme turned:
against all he fought.
Love, companionship denied:
others’ life, liberty he took.

From inception, he had
no chance; no future.
He changed his ways, his name
to become what they made him.

Hope begat misery;
desire begat slavery;
destiny begat tyranny.

St. Norme begat the Monster.

(end)

====================================

NB: "The Modern Prometheus" is the sub-title of the gothic horror novel, "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley - which bears little relationship in its portrayal of the Monster to most films (save Kenneth Brannagh's).

NB2: the original Prometheus was the chap who stole fire (amongst other things) from the Greek gods and gave it to mankind. They were rather hacked-off by his behaviour.

================================



"|1115568569 -->

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Good morning, James

I've just been away for the weekend, so I'm not sure my brain is working again yet, so excuse my efforts as I try to crit

Malice Un-forethought

A very interesting twist in the title. Evil by accident.

Prometheus, a modern man

I googled to check my vague memories of Prometheus and found that according to Greek legend he created mankind, and passed on the knowledge of the gods to them, including fire. He locked all their ills in a box, which Pandora then opened.

So here you have a 'modern' Prometheus, who is a man, not a god?

forged in heat and fire:
a hundred-thousand volts
powered his electric birth.

This is a little confusing, but I presume the birth isn't 'his': it is the birth of whatever he is creating. Frankenstein and Prometheus? (Sounds like a 40s Hammer Horror - 'Frankenstein meets Prometheus' ... ahem, sorry - brain not behaving)

I shall call you St. Norme:
You shall have a saintly future;
a normality for all humankind.

Normality? Makes me think of stats and 'normal' distributions of a population. So St. Norme is the perfect average?

I think I may have gone off at a tangent (to use another mathematical metaphor, lol)

Limbs working; voice talking,
he strode across the land.
A man of parts, lived in him,
yet he only existed in them.

So he is 'alive' yet only thru the men who are compositely him? (Sure I could word that better ...  )

Yearned to be whole;
of the race from
whence he’d been forged.

So he is missing something ... the extremes? (following my interpretation ... ) and now we have 'race' mentioned, but is that as in races, or the 'human race' ?

Though people shun
such different men:
at best to be ignored.

'Such' men  - a composite, perfect, like St Norme? Or the 'race' from which he was forged - could mean either.  But I think you mean St Norme?

Asylum denied, dejected
he turned, to his God:
Why have you rejected me?

Very biblical, and very modern (asylum) - a fantastic juxtaposition - brill verse

The good doctor, gone bad,
could only weep:
You are a race apart;
different: a threat.

And now it is too late - the Dr repents, but cannot undo his mistakes?

So St. Norme turned:
against all he fought.
Love, companionship denied:
others’ life, liberty he took.

From inception, he had
no chance; no future.
He changed his ways, his name
to become what they made him.

Give a dog a bad name ...

Hope begat misery;
desire begat slavery;
destiny begat tyranny.

St. Norme begat the Monster.

Even the most normal/'perfect' person can be forced into monstrosity by society?

Besides, what is normal in one group is not in another - so merely re-locate and it can happen?

James, I really enjoy critting your poems cos no matter how far-fetched the crits ramble you are happy to consider the interpretations and discuss them (note - I am squirming, hoping I am not too way off the mark with this, as I have let my imagination fly)

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran -

I won't answer your crit yet, lest I influence anyone else who dares attempt it (though it looks as if not many dare!)

But I have to say a big thank you for all your hard work - Googling included, your interpretations, letting your imagination fly (how wonderful that is from a critic - and I do mean that) and your extensive thinking and comments.

I put this up for crit yesterday, saw many people looking at it and, evidently, giving up - so I'm especially grateful that you persisted. Maybe now you've shed some very interesting lights on the subject, others might be brave?

Thank you tremendously.

>>James, I really enjoy critting your poems cos no matter how far-fetched the crits ramble you are happy to consider the interpretations and discuss them. (note - I am squirming, hoping I am not too way off the mark with this, as I have let my imagination fly)

Squirm away, Fran - this means a great deal to me. Thank you.

J.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi James. :)

This looks an interesting read - right in my favorite times!

I'll be back soon.....

Cheers!
~Cleo

[Guest_Jox_*]

Thanks Lori,

>>This looks an interesting read

Appreciate that.

>>right in my favorite times!

Sort of... in the sense it is timeless, certainly. But not specifically intended. (Though please re-in as you will - alwats happy to see different views.)

If it helps (as I wouldn't want to lead you astray intentionally), Line One:

Prometheus, a modern man

is based on Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein," - that's its main title but its sub-title is "The Modern Prometheus."

>>I'll be back soon.....

Thank you. I'll look forward...

J.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

I’m back to answer your extensive and kind crit.

>>I've just been away for the weekend, so I'm not sure my brain is working again yet, so excuse my efforts as I try to crit

Heck, lass, I’d be reet chuffed if my brain, at full power, worked that well.

Malice Un-forethought

>>A very interesting twist in the title. Evil by accident.

Thank you - yes, my intention.

Prometheus, a modern man

>>I Googled to check my vague memories of Prometheus and found that according to Greek legend he created mankind, and passed on the knowledge of the gods to them, including fire. He locked all their ills in a box, which Pandora then opened.

Thank you for taking that amount of trouble. Yes, that is the original chap, indeed. He was not popular with Zeus et al for passing-on the secrets.

>>So here you have a 'modern' Prometheus, who is a man, not a god?

The classic gothic horror novel, Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein,” is sub-titled “The Modern Prometheus”

forged in heat and fire:
a hundred-thousand volts
powered his electric birth.

>>This is a little confusing, but I presume the birth isn't 'his': it is the birth of whatever he is creating. Frankenstein and Prometheus? (Sounds like a 40s Hammer Horror - 'Frankenstein meets Prometheus' ... ahem, sorry - brain not behaving)

WOW!!! By jove she has it (without knowing that sub-title) and you say your brain’s NOT working???

Hammer Horrors were 1950s/60s - don’t make me feel too old- I loved them as a child and still do.

I did mean the birth to be his - the Monster’s. The good Dr - who pops up below - is Dr Frankenstein. But I think you certainly have the essence,

I shall call you St. Norme:
You shall have a saintly future;
a normality for all humankind.

>>Normality? Makes me think of stats and 'normal' distributions of a population. So St. Norme is the perfect average?

ST Norme - I think he was meant to be. Meant to blend-in. Didn’t work that way.

The normality aspect was because we seem to adulate normality (any adulation of non-normality is either taking to pee or patronising). In terms of statistics I can see the shape of the curve but I don’t think Franky’s Monster was that attractive!

>>I think I may have gone off at a tangent (to use another mathematical metaphor, lol)

LOL!

The Head of Stats at where I worked always insisted most strongly that Stats was not Mathematics. (The Head of Maths agreed) but I don’t know if that division would hold sway elsewhere!

Limbs working; voice talking,
he strode across the land.
A man of parts, lived in him,
yet he only existed in them.

>>So he is 'alive' yet only thru the men who are compositely him? (Sure I could word that better ...  )

That is about right. I hoped to bring-out our fears of cloning and genetic research here - much as Mary Shelley did back then.

Yearned to be whole;
of the race from
whence he’d been forged.

>>So he is missing something ... the extremes? (following my interpretation ... ) and now we have 'race' mentioned, but is that as in races, or the 'human race' ?

Human race, yes.  He’s missing lots of things (!) Good looks - a passport to success; ability to blend-in etc etc. He is extreme, yes.

Though people shun
such different men:
at best to be ignored.

>>'Such' men  - a composite, perfect, like St Norme? Or the 'race' from which he was forged - could mean either.  But I think you mean St Norme?

He was meant to be a composite perfect (what a brill phrase!) but it all went wrong. You’re right, therefore, I did mean St.N.

Asylum denied, dejected
he turned, to his God:
Why have you rejected me?

>>Very biblical, and very modern (asylum) - a fantastic juxtaposition - brill verse

Thanks! Yes, both of your comments do reflect my intentions. Thank you.

The good doctor, gone bad,
could only weep:
You are a race apart;
different: a threat.

>>And now it is too late - the Dr repents, but cannot undo his mistakes?

You understand me 100% here. I’m really sorry for you.

So St. Norme turned:
against all he fought.
Love, companionship denied:
others’ life, liberty he took.

From inception, he had
no chance; no future.
He changed his ways, his name
to become what they made him.

>>Give a dog a bad name ...

Another 100%er. Yes, I sometimes wonder, if we kick a child today, will he nuke us tomorrow?

Hope begat misery;
desire begat slavery;
destiny begat tyranny.

St. Norme begat the Monster.

>>Even the most normal/'perfect' person can be forced into monstrosity by society?

YES! The Monster started out reasonably enough but if society spurns him...

>>Besides, what is normal in one group is not in another - so merely re-locate and it can happen?

Yes, that was one of the implications (asylum etc). Fear of all outsiders - gays, different colours, handicaps, short, tall, fat, thin, eccentric... etc etc. (I was also partially thinking of Hitler as being the Monster here - and victimising so many groups).

>>James, I really enjoy critting your poems cos no matter how far-fetched the crits ramble you are happy to consider the interpretations and discuss them (note - I am squirming, hoping I am not too way off the mark with this, as I have let my imagination fly)

I thanked you for this before Fran - but I’m so delighted, I’ll thank you again. Thank you.

And thanks for all your hard work and brilliant perceptiveness. I would (as you indicate) have been fascinated, had you had different interpretations. However, on this occasion, you seem to have taken my meanings almost perfectly -  poor lass, very very sorry!

Thanks J.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi,

Many, many thanks to Toumai for the great crit.

In search of a plurality of views, I'm bouncing this back up to see if anyone else would care to say anything as well.

Thanks in advance.

James.

[Guest__*]

Dear Jox,

Delighted to provide a crit, of sorts.

First, when I read it I understood not a word of what you are talking about.

Having read the interplay with Fran, I now understand, perhaps, all of it.

So in some senses, this is brilliant, but it needs so many * and notes attached that for me, it quite fails. But this could be me - I deplore "proper" poems so full of classical alliterations that I need a host of ref books to even half-understand, so I simply don't read them !

Therefore in many ways you have written a Keats/Byron/Shelley (ha ! - geddit ? ) poem, totally beyond me. I'm amazed at Fran's perspicacity, she really was close in so many ways, esp Hammer horror.

The main thing wrong with Frankie's monster was it lacked that one dimension which it needed to be human - what they call a soul, but which factually is not "one's soul" but one oneself, the being inhabiting and creating/controlling the bag of meat others recognise one by. The creation was in effect an "animal", and thus differed from the rest of us, it looked sort of like us, but was a creation of the order of a crude-instincts animal (I was going to say dog, but boy ! I remembered your two non-tree users just in time.)

Long live Peter Cushing ....

Love
Alan

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Alan,

>>Delighted to provide a crit, of sorts.

Thank you very much, indeed.

>>First, when I read it I understood not a word of what you are talking about.

Oh dear.

>>Having read the interplay with Fran, I now understand, perhaps, all of it.

Good. Though 'tis a shame the poem didn't speak for itself to you.

>>So in some senses, this is brilliant,

Thank you - unsure why.

>> but it needs so many * and notes attached that for me, it quite fails. But this could be me - I deplore "proper" poems so full of classical alliterations that I need a host of ref books to even half-understand, so I simply don't read them !

I'm with you on that; though the only classical reference is Prometheus - and, in this context that refers to the book, not the god per se. But I should have referenced it - I just thought the book's sub-title was fairly common knowledge - it was a relatively low-money question on Who Wants To be A Millionaire and has been an “A“ Level set text for schools. However since you, Fran and Lori didn't know it, I must be wrong and should have explained. (In fairness to Fran, she said she’d read the book but didn’t care for it and had forgotten the sub-title).

>>Therefore in many ways you have written a Keats/Byron/Shelley (ha ! - geddit? ) poem,

No, sorry. ?? Shelley, sure. Keats? Byron?

>> totally beyond me. I'm amazed at Fran's perspicacity, she really was close in so many ways, esp Hammer horror.

She was spot-on really. But I hadn't thought this obscure, so rather surprised. But not Hammer Horror - that is very different. (The Hammer version is as close to the original as are its interpretation of the novel Dracula).

>>The main thing wrong with Frankie's monster was it lacked that one dimension which it needed to be human - what they call a soul, but which factually is not "one's soul" but one oneself, the being inhabiting and creating/controlling the bag of meat others recognise one by. The creation was in effect an "animal", and thus differed from the rest of us,

Aren’t we all animals? (Isn’t that the basis of your joint poem with Fran?

>>it looked sort of like us, but was a creation of the order of a crude-instincts animal (I was going to say dog, but boy ! I remembered your two non-tree users just in time.)

LOL... and mankind is not based on crude instincts?

Actually, sorry, but I disagree with you. What you say does, indeed, relate to the 1950s/60s British horror films by Hammer - which I love (Peter Cushing being a major actor in them). But Mary Shelley’s book is very different indeed (which is why I used its sub-heading... The Modern Prometheus. Frankie's Monster certainly has a soul - that is a critical aspect of his character. He is let down by his creator and society so, like Hitler, he turns against humankind.

This was also supposed to be about the modern fear of asylum seekers which is so prevalent in this election. Frankie represents the outsider.

>>Long live Peter Cushing ....

Well, rather late for that but I am a big fan. However, we shouldn’t think that the Hammer films (wonderful as they were) have much to do with the books upon which they are so tentatively based.

Thank you very much for your comments and for popping-in, Alan. Most interesting. Appreciated.

I'm just sorry this didn't work for you - nor probably for others, either.

J.

[Guest__*]

Dear Jox,

Good. Though 'tis a shame the poem didn't speak for itself to you.
-- which is why I mention it.

>>So in some senses, this is brilliant,
Thank you - unsure why.
-- to one educated in the refs, this is a serious contribution to the discussion

>> but it needs so many * and notes attached that for me, it quite fails. But this could be me - I deplore "proper" poems so full of classical alliterations that I need a host of ref books to even half-understand, so I simply don't read them !
-- but not for me with my lack of educ in these matters

- it was a relatively low-money question on Who Wants To be A Millionaire and has been an “A“ Level set text for schools. However since you, Fran and Lori didn't know it, I must be wrong and should have explained. (In fairness to Fran, she said she’d read the book but didn’t care for it and had forgotten the sub-title).
-- hell, I want to do Millionaire, would have failed that

>>Therefore in many ways you have written a Keats/Byron/Shelley (ha ! - geddit? ) poem,
No, sorry. ?? Shelley, sure. Keats? Byron?
-- they all wrote classical-allusive stuff I miss completely, I still have the scars on my back from carting that damn grecian urn all the way up darien's peak at school.

Aren’t we all animals? (Isn’t that the basis of your joint poem with Fran?
-- NO. We have animal-like body, but that "big toe" we send to heaven (soul) is the major part - way senior to mind and body.

LOL... and mankind is not based on crude instincts?
-- yesandno. Man has 2 minds, the analytical and the reactive. He normally uses the analytical to create his scene and resolve problems relating to survival. Hence all the good things you see around you. But at moments of physical threat and pain this mind shuts down, and the reactive takes over, and stores every minutest memory of what happened during the danger period. This is then brought forth as "previous experience" when any one of the factors present in the previous danger reappears, and the reactive mind directs the individual to totally selfish actions in an effort to "save" him from the PREVIOUS danger. Thus you can explain all the irrationality and destruction caused. Man is at that point fighting old enemies and long-gone battles, but applying his "knowledge/experience" to her and now, producing often disastrous results.

-- A minor example is someone shouting suddenly at a loved one, then not having any idea why the shouting, what triggered it. The reactive mind did, because some perhaps minor circumstance recalled some part of a previous danger, perhaps a word or phrase used way back then.
END of lecture
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Shelley’s book is very different indeed (which is why I used its sub-heading... The Modern Prometheus. Frankie's Monster certainly has a soul - that is a critical aspect of his character. He is let down by his creator and society so, like Hitler, he turns against humankind.
-- My total knowledge of these is via Hammer, so obviously not very accurate then.

I'm just sorry this didn't work for you - nor probably for others, either.
-- you usually want to know that so you can re-cast.

Love
Alan

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Alan,

Thanks for your return.

>>Good. Though 'tis a shame the poem didn't speak for itself to you.
>>-- which is why I mention it.

Yes, and so you should - thank you. No sense in leaving people guessing.

>>So in some senses, this is brilliant,
>>Thank you - unsure why.
>>-- to one educated in the refs, this is a serious contribution to the discussion.

Thanks. (Only one classical ref, though and that more Vikky Gothic)

>>- it was a relatively low-money question on Who Wants To be A Millionaire and has been an “A“ Level set text for schools. However since you, Fran and Lori didn't know it, I must be wrong and should have explained. (In fairness to Fran, she said she’d read the book but didn’t care for it and had forgotten the sub-title).
>>-- hell, I want to do Millionaire, would have failed that

LOL! Well, I wouldn't have failed that - thanks to Mary Shelley but plenty I would fail at.

>>No, sorry. ?? Shelley, sure. Keats? Byron?
>>-- they all wrote classical-allusive stuff I miss completely, I still have the scars on my back from carting that damn grecian urn all the way up darien's peak at school.

I've never been taught about any of them. My nearest is Morecambe & Wise:(comedians)

How much's a Grecian Urn?
About ten bob a week.

>>Aren’t we all animals? (Isn’t that the basis of your joint poem with Fran?
>>-- NO. We have animal-like body, but that "big toe" we send to heaven (soul) is the major part - way senior to mind and body.

Well, we'll have to disagree there I'm afraid. I don't believe in heaven, an after-life, nor a soul. (alas!)

>>LOL... and mankind is not based on crude instincts?
-- yesandno. Man has 2 minds, the analytical and the reactive. He normally uses the analytical to create his scene and resolve problems relating to survival. Hence all the good things you see around you. But at moments of physical threat and pain this mind shuts down, and the reactive takes over, and stores every minutest memory of what happened during the danger period. This is then brought forth as "previous experience" when any one of the factors present in the previous danger reappears, and the reactive mind directs the individual to totally selfish actions in an effort to "save" him from the PREVIOUS danger. Thus you can explain all the irrationality and destruction caused. Man is at that point fighting old enemies and long-gone battles, but applying his "knowledge/experience" to her and now, producing often disastrous results.

An interesting perspective on psychology. Since I have no idea what a mind is, I won't comment - just store that one away. Thanks.

>>-- A minor example is someone shouting suddenly at a loved one, then not having any idea why the shouting, what triggered it.

err... I've never known that, sorry.

>>The reactive mind did, because some perhaps minor circumstance recalled some part of a previous danger, perhaps a word or phrase used way back then.

Sounds like WWI "Shell Shock" rather?

>>END of lecture

Thank you. Sorry, I know too little of psychology to comment, save thank you.

>>Mary Shelley’s book is very different indeed (which is why I used its sub-heading... The Modern Prometheus. Frankie's Monster certainly has a soul - that is a critical aspect of his character. He is let down by his creator and society so, like Hitler, he turns against humankind.

>>-- My total knowledge of these is via Hammer, so obviously not very accurate then.

No, way off I'm afraid - great Gothic romps, though. Fun but little pathos.

Do read "Frankenstein" - fantastic Book - but "Dracula" is even better. One of the best novels I've ever read. (Make sure it is Bram Stoker's version - plenty of "Dracula" books around. Superb Gothic horror books - but based on very human yearnings.

>>I'm just sorry this didn't work for you - nor probably for others, either.
>>-- you usually want to know that so you can re-cast.

Yes, I would include an explanatory note about the sub-title of the book, maybe a note about asylum-seekers - though that is contemporary. And maybe cite "Mein Kemf" (never can spell it right - and I have a copy) in relation to Hitler brooding in his wilderness years. Cheers.

Thanks, Alan!

J.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi despite all the conversations, this piece has only had two crits. I have now added explanatory notes below the poem - the absence of which, may have deterred crits.

More crits would be appreciated. Thank you.

James.

[Siren]

He was made into the monster in the end... right?

This reminded me of my poem... Divine Malformation.

I love the opening stanza. It draws you in. Now S 2 is someone telling him that he would be named St. Norme? If so I think putting S2 in italics would help the confusing transition from S1 - S2 - S3... it's confusing (not much mind) because of the change in tone.

These are my preliminary thoughts James. I liked the tale and will be back later tonight.

Dani

[Guest_Jox_*]

Dani,

Hi I'm dashing now and my brain is addled by other matters. However, I wanted to thank you for your help (and possible re-visit later) and let you know that I'll carefully consider your comments later when my brain comes back from the dry cleaners.

In the meantime - thank you!

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Dani,

Thanks for this.

>>He was made into the monster in the end... right?

Yes. In a way I think happened to Hitler too (not that I'm blaming all his evil on circumstances - just saying they were a contributing factor.)

>>This reminded me of my poem... Divine Malformation.

Sorry Dani - my memory is very poor - would you mind posting a link so I can take a look? Thanks.

>>I love the opening stanza. It draws you in. Now S 2 is someone telling him that he would be named St. Norme? If so I think putting S2 in italics would help the confusing transition from S1 - S2 - S3... it's confusing (not much mind) because of the change in tone.

I think you're probably right, Dani - thanks; I think I'll do that.

>>These are my preliminary thoughts James. I liked the tale and will be back later tonight.

I look forward to more, Dani.

Thanks again.

Best wishes, James.

[Siren]

James,

I came back and read this and can't find anything I want to change other than the part I told you off.

I would love to give you the link  to my poem, but it is not posted here. I can paste it in this thread, but maybe I'll post it instead.

hugs
Dani

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Dani,

Thanks for returning.

>>came back and read this and can't find anything I want to change other than the part I told you of.

Well, I might frame that! Thank you very much indeed. That's as close to perfection that I'll ever reach.

(Though if anyone else feels differently please do crit also - all comments really are gratefully received and carefully considered).

>>would love to give you the link  to my poem, but it is not posted here. I can paste it in this thread, but maybe I'll post it instead.

Thanks Dani. Please don't post in this tile - we're not allowed to do that. However, I'd certainly love to see it. If you wish to post it on MM that would be great (remember you could post for exhibition, rather than crit, if you wish). Failing that, if it is posted elsewhere, yes please put a link here. Failing that, you could e-mail it to me - but then everyone else would miss out. Your choices - but I would like to see it.

Thank you, Dani.

Cheerio for now.

James.

[Siren]

Hello James,

That poem is up... though I do feel guilty using special space to announce that. :(

Here's the link : http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/cgi-bin....040;r=1

Of course mine isn't as refined as yours...

thanks for letting me share it.

dani

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Dani,

Thank you.

I requested you to make it available - so I am grateful; don't feel guilty! You didn't post it here, you only referenced it here, in relation to my work - that's fine.

I don't know why you say "of course, it isn't as refined as (mine)" - you're an excellent poet, Dani. I greatly enjoy much of your work.

I'll pop along soon to take a look.

James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

I haven't looked at any of the other crits or comments yet but here are some of my rambling thoughts.

Prometheus, a modern man
forged in heat and fire:
a hundred-thousand volts
powered his electric birth.
I know this is a serious poem but the image I get in my head from this first verse is the scene from Carry On Screaming when Kenneth Williams first brings the monster (Odd Bod or something like that) to life with the flick of a switch and all the electricity sparks around him, bringing him to life.

I shall call you St. Norme:
You shall have a saintly future;
a normality for all humankind.
Interesting name St Norme for  the idealistic vision the creator had of perfection and an example for humankind to follow.


Limbs working; voice talking,
he strode across the land.
A man of parts, lived in him,
yet he only existed in them.
this verse gives the first indication of the separation, loneliness and feeling of being on the outside, not belonging.

Yearned to be whole;
of the race from
whence he’d been forged.
the desire to belong and be accepted

Though people shun
such different men:
at best to be ignored.
this sums up how we treat anyone who is different.  The best they can expect is not to be noticed rather than blatantly snubbed or treated with disdain or cruelty.

Asylum denied, dejected
he turned, to his God:
Why have you rejected me?
interesting that you have used the word God for Prometheus' creator who has abandoned him to fend for himself.

The good doctor, gone bad,
could only weep:
You are a race apart;
different: a threat.
That people see anyone who is different as a threat, just about sums up racism and also comes back to the theme of a couple of your other poems dealing with Fascism and and more specifically Nazism.

So St. Norme turned:
against all he fought.
Love, companionship denied:
others’ life, liberty he took.

From inception, he had
no chance; no future.
He changed his ways, his name
to become what they made him.
To be accepted he has to change from the ideal and example he was created for.  I find this verse very disheartening.  Why can't we celebrate and accept differences as the norm and learn and grow from those different qualities?  Why must everyone have to be the same to be welcomed and fit in.

Hope begat misery;
desire begat slavery;
destiny begat tyranny.

St. Norme begat the Monster.
It goes against St Norme's nature to be like everyone else. He can't be happy It is all an act and to be a convincing actor he goes to the other extreme in an effort to prove himself/be powerful and hence the monster is created.

Another very thought provoking poem, that gives a very bleak, depressing view of humankind.

Nina