Paper People, a poem Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

Please note: This poem uses rhyme to a certain point, then stops.
So it could have gone in freeform or here. I tossed a coin and this forum lost.

© James Oxenholme, 2005. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance, only.

Ref: MB 0192 AG

Crown Jewels Award

Celtic Castle Designs

Paper People
by MB

My:
         Walls of Japan tumbled down;
         paper tiger ate my paper roses;
         paper me exposed as a clown.

Asked a tramp what had he seen?
Paper bags trudging - ex-people,
mortal coils shuffling; faces obscene.

Wallpaper which others ignore,
office memos to the shredder,
lining neglected lower drawer.

Crêpe people come and go -
destined for the paper dump;
listing ended in Human Show.

Stop Press! I’m Out of Print.

Rubbish tips: futile
searching for my life -
carried-off by gulls
to cushion their guano.

So, did I exist...
any less or more than all the others?
Who knows...
there are no rules in this Freak Show.

Committed? To paper?
Written down; written-off.
Like used tissue: flushed
into sewers, to cushion
everyone’s guano.

(end)

[JLY]

James,
So I take it you liken people to gulls; an interesting comparison. I think a reference to paper mache might have added another dimension to this poem.
JLY

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi John,

Thanks for your comments.

However, it was not my intention to liken people to gulls... we expect other species to carry too heavy a burden as it is. :)

Sorry I missed papier mâchè; we all have our favourites and I couldn't fit  them all in. The verse with gulls in did, literally mean gulls. Here seagulls are well-known for frequenting rubbish tips. The second guano reference was to human excretement. I was advised to change that but I kept it to reflect the earlier "guano." Maybe I should change after all?

Best wishes and thank you, again,

James.

[jgdittier]

Dear Jox,
As an R&Rer, I normally look at a poem first for form. However, you've explained your thinking process and as form changed, I take the emphasis to be on message.
It appears that this poem expresses quite vividly a dissatisfaction with life, the world, existence, humanity. It may, according to the reader, be made further powerful due to the transition in form halfway through. (Like the devil may care.)
An attention getter and keeper but not a smile maker.
I assume it would be judged by how closely to your intent the reader interprets it.
Cheers,    jgd

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Ron,

Good to see you again, thanks for popping in.

>>As an R&Rer, I normally look at a poem first for form. However, you've explained your thinking process and as form changed, I take the emphasis to be on message.

Yup - I know that we approach poems from opposite ends - I start with message; you with form. That makes it especially kind of you to comment; thanks.

>>It appears that this poem expresses quite vividly a dissatisfaction with life, the world, existence, humanity. It may, according to the reader, be made further powerful due to the transition in form halfway through. (Like the devil may care.)

My intention with that change: I used the rhyme here to signify the time when the narrator was alive. "Stop Press! I'm out of print" is his death and thereafter a retrospective look at life (in the unrhymed portion). So rhyme was a central device in this particular poem.

>>An attention getter and keeper but not a smile maker.

No, no smiles.

>>I assume it would be judged by how closely to your intent the reader interprets it.

No, I take interest in a plurality of interpretations. Providing that a reader can "justify" their interpretation by citing the poem anything is interesting. I do take particular delight if someone "gets" what I meant. However, I also take delight in readers seeing ideas I had not thought of. Poetry, I always think, should not be over-prescriptive... the reader has a part to play.

Thanks very much Ron... I appreciate your visit and the opportunity to make a couple of points.

All the best,

James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

I am the opposite to Ron.  I look first at the message and meaning of a poem and form is of secondary importance.

I found this poem disturbing, though I haven't yet understood why.

Here is my interpretation.  I have no idea if it remotely close to your message.

My:
        Walls of Japan tumbled down;
        paper tiger ate my paper roses;
        paper me exposed as a clown.

This first verse feels like a nightmare- the clown, a frightening, grotesque caricature, painted white face, eyes and mouth outlined in black, hiding the real person.  I am not sure of the significance of Japan (the only thing that comes to mind is Japanese prisoner of war camps in WW2)


Asked a tramp what had he seen?
Paper bags trudging - ex-people,
mortal coils shuffling; faces obscene.

Wallpaper which others ignore,
office memos to the shredder,
lining neglected lower drawer.

The paper people are invisible, not noticed by others, less significant even than the tramp in the street, neglected and abandoned.

Crêpe people come and go -
destined for the paper dump;
listing ended in Human Show

crepe paper is very fragile, breaking easily, disintegrating to nothing.  


Stop Press! I’m Out of Print.  death?


Rubbish tips: futile
searching for my life -
carried-off by gulls
to cushion their guano.

Bodies not even given the dignity of a burial.  Just left to be picked over by the gulls and to deposit their droppings on.


So, did I exist...
any less or more than all the others?
Who knows...
there are no rules in this Freak Show.

why was I singled out? - answer no reason

Committed? To paper?
Written down; written-off.
Like used tissue: flushed
into sewers, to cushion
everyone’s guano.

selected and condemned.  Treated like ****.  Used and abused.  Life disrespected.

This probably makes no sense at all.

Papier Mache wouldn't have worked in this poem.  It is too solid and concrete. Not flimsy and easily destroyed.

Thanks James for getting me thinking, even if it may be in the totally wrong direction.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Nina, hi...

>>I am the opposite to Ron.  I look first at the message and meaning of a poem and form is of secondary importance.

Thee and me, too.

>>I found this poem disturbing, though I haven't yet understood why.

Not sure how to reply... but glad you "got" the disturbing part. It is someone's utter despair.

>>Here is my interpretation.  I have no idea if it remotely close to your message.

>>This first verse feels like a nightmare- the clown, a frightening, grotesque caricature, painted white face, eyes and mouth outlined in black, hiding the real person.  I am not sure of the significance of Japan (the only thing that comes to mind is Japanese prisoner of war camps in WW2)

I started with the walls of Jericco (Biblical) then decided that, as Japanese walls were traditionally made of peper that fitted better and they were easily destroyed.

The clown - any image you like. The real point was that, under the paper-thin veneer there lurked a clown - no one of any real substance; a fun figure - but the fun is not real fun; it is the sadness of the real clown.

>>The paper people are invisible, not noticed by others, less significant even than the tramp in the street, neglected and abandoned.

Spot on I'd say.

>>crepe paper is very fragile, breaking easily, disintegrating to nothing.

Spot on again.

>>Stop Press! I’m Out of Print.  death?

Yes.

>>Bodies not even given the dignity of a burial.  Just left to be picked over by the gulls and to deposit their droppings on.

Yes... this is dangerous, Nina, you seem to be 100% on my intentions :)

>>why was I singled out? - answer no reason

Sort of and also just wondering if "I" had really existed at all. Been so unimportant.

>>selected and condemned.  Treated like ****.  Used and abused.  Life disrespected.

Bingo!

>>This probably makes no sense at all.

I think you're about 98% there in terms of what I meant - just that "singled out" which was slightly different.

>>Papier Mache wouldn't have worked in this poem.  It is too solid and concrete. Not flimsy and easily destroyed.

Excellent point, thanks.

>>Thanks James for getting me thinking, even if it may be in the totally wrong direction.

Nina, even if you'd taken something completely different, it would not have been wrong. However, you seem to have picked-up everything I said just as I intended. Amazing.

Thank you very much.

James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

However, you seem to have picked-up everything I said just as I intended. Amazing.

I'm pleased I mostly got your meaning.  I surprise myself sometimes.  it was an excellent piece.  I do have a penchant for dark poetry (you may not have noticed!!  :jester: ).

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Hope the 'bus journey was fruitful - at least in a literary sense.

>>I'm pleased I mostly got your meaning.  I surprise myself sometimes.  it was an excellent piece.  I do have a penchant for dark poetry (you may not have noticed!!   ).

Thank you for the compliment.

I hope that being on the same wavelength as me doesn't put you in therapy for too long!

Yes, I think I did notice a little darkness creeping into your poetry once... :)

Thanks again Nina; much appreciated.

James.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi James,

I thought the Committed? To paper? says a great deal about the state of mind of the narator and the futility of life s/he perceives.

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Yes, Fran you're absolutely right... that was precisely my intention. I think I'll avoid any further comment on that point, though.

Thanks for popping in and for your hard work, earlier on this piece which made so very much difference.

J.

[Arnfinn]

Hi James,


Seems to me like a Japanese willow plate.


Regards,


Arnie

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Arn...

It does?

Care to say why?

Cheers, James.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congrats James on your Crown Jewels award winning tile!

Well done!

~Cleo :)

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Lori,

Thank you very much indeed.

Thank you to those who nominated me also - much appreciated.

I'm very pleased that this poem in particular gained recognition.

Thanks you all.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Congratulations on your well deserved Crown Jewels award for this poem (you know how I feel about it).

 

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

James,

Congratulations. This poem is so powerful.

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Yes I do know how you feel about this - and thank you so much for your nomination and support. They mean so much to me.

All the best,

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

Thank you also for your good wishes, for your seconding and for your kindness, too. Again, they mean much to me.

J.