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Senryu, Japanese form: 5-7-5 or less |
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Oct 31 04, 02:44
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Thanks for the explanation Daniel.
Happily this was fictitious, I have very quiet neighbours.
hot-air balloon how hushed the spring morning peopled by ants
Love
Grace
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Oct 31 04, 05:19
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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ah, Grace... now you're shaming me with REAL senryu! Wonderful job.
My mind is presently a bit fuddled. I cannot picture anything so uniquely at the moment.
I'll be back... but for now, back to bed.
deLightingly, Daniel :sun:
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Oct 31 04, 07:14
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
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From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Nov 2 04, 11:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,936
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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hmmm
Not sure that I fully understand this one, Grace. Could you clarify the picture for me? Sounds like someone's husband is contemplating crossing the line?
husband breathtaken; mooning on South Jersey beach caught with his pants up
re the wonderful balloon portrayal, it's certainly more than hot air (though I'm bettin' it was, up there... even if it was cold!).
good Ralph didn't shout "to the moon, Grace;to the moon!" with you crammed in there
Honeymooning Lightly, Daniel :sun:
P.S. If you don't know of Jackie Gleason, you may need an explanation?
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Nov 3 04, 08:59
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,936
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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Sounds like you had a wonderful time, Grace! YOUR Ralph was very different from the Jackie Gleason character Ralph Cramden in "The Honeymooners"
http://concise.britannica.com/ebc/article?tocId=9365679QUOTE Jackie Gleason
born Feb. 26, 1916, Brooklyn, N.Y., U.S. died June 24, 1987, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
U.S. comedian and actor.
orig. Herbert John Gleason He performed in carnivals and nightclubs and later played minor roles in films and on the stage. He achieved success in the television comedy series Cavalcade of Stars (1950–52), The Jackie Gleason Show (1952–59, 1961–70), and The Honeymooners (1955–56), which centred on his most beloved character, bus driver Ralph Kramden. He starred on Broadway in Take Me Along (1959, Tony Award) and received acclaim for his screen performances in The Hustler (1961), Requiem for a Heavyweight (1962), and Soldier in the Rain (1963). He later was featured in Smokey and the Bandit (1977) and its sequels (1980, 1983).
One of his famous outbursts to his wife during their frequent 'arguments' was "To the Moon, Alice' to the moon!" with his fist held 'threateningly.' Of course he never launched her!
Perhaps now you understand what I crammed in to my little senryu?
Here's one that occurred to me last evening in a National Alliance for the Mentally Ill training:
treatment adherence: never suture self; not just Band-Aids that stick
sLightly sterile, Daniel :sun:
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Nov 3 04, 17:36
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Hello Daniel,
Thank you for the info on Jackie Gleason. I seem to remember him as a very large bluff, dark-haired man. Never saw him act but I think I remember seeing a documentary about him, but that must have been about 20 years ago.
QUOTE treatment adherence: never suture self; not just Band-Aids that stick Very sobering one Daniel, especially after my inebriated one!
I have been having trouble getting onlne over the past 24 hours. I have just changed over to Broadband and sometimes it goes off for hours at a time. The good side thought is that is about 500 times faster than dial-up.
This one is seasonal and fictitious
virgin snow; glancing back at my footprints I am sorry
Toodle pip
Grace
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Nov 5 04, 15:55
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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Hmmm
Maybe there's a message there? "Broad Banned" ?
Now you're senryu... I love it! Excellent, vivid picture. Darn close to a haiku, but definitely a senryu. The best kind, methinks.
Maybe this will tell ya somethin' about why I've been so scarce of late:
brown stuff comin' out has stuck-to-the-ribs flavor; much too phlegm-boyant
sLightly sick, Daniel :ghostface:
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Nov 17 04, 03:50
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Good morning Daniel,
QUOTE brown stuff comin' out has stuck-to-the-ribs flavor; much too phlegm-boyant
Yuck! Too much information Daniel!! :rofl: Still, as we say over here "Better out, than in." :jester:
This one is a happy childhood memory
summer journey home the deep contented silence measured by milestones
Love
Grace
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Nov 27 04, 17:28
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Hi Daniel,
QUOTE some’re journeying… yet leave great gaggles… behind- barking out bilestones
Good to see you back and this is up to your usual excellent standard, but to use your expression...darn! isn't this supposed to be senryu, not faux-ku?
How about a serious piece that I can reply to? Your faux-ku are far too clever for me and certainly not my forte. 
Over to you for senryu. Huh? that rhymes :speechless: unintentional, not conventional.
Love
Grace
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Nov 27 04, 22:24
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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<font color='#000000'>:cheer: Thanks for the prod, Grace... and for your visit over yonder too! I knew it was a faux-ku... but also a legit (though a bit low-life) senryu if you note that the Canada Geese [ Use your imagination; the dragon is the closest Cleo has given us! ] are flying away with it, leaving a not-so-innocent senryu for you. But... I just wrote this... and interrupted myself in the process to print it and fly out the door to give it to her... as she heads back to PA to be with her groom of 8 months, carrying a 7-week surprise she discovered a few weeks ago! dear unplanned daughter with sweet raspberry-sized child; another surprise
© Daniel J Ricketts 27 Nov 2004 by de Light o' de watermelon, Grampa Daniel  </font>
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Nov 28 04, 03:32
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Somerset, England
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Real Name: Grace
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Good morning Daniel,
unplanned daughter dear with sweet raspberry-sized child; another surprise
I am so glad you caught her before she returned home. I am sure she will treasure this for her child - quite beautiful.
I too was an unplanned child I have found out. It doesn’t seem to have done me any harm. It’s what happens after you are born that counts isn’t it? But on the other hand, I don’t really believe in accidents. I think there is a purpose for everything. 
last of the breadcrumbs fine feathered friends sail away; alone with my fear
Love
Grace
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Dec 1 04, 09:56
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Group: Gold Member
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Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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QUOTE (Cybele @ Nov. 28 2004, 03:32) I too was an unplanned child I have found out. It doesn’t seem to have done me any harm. It’s what happens after you are born that counts isn’t it? But on the other hand, I don’t really believe in accidents. I think there is a purpose for everything.  last of the breadcrumbs fine feathered friends sail away; alone with my fear Love Grace  I've read this several times, Grace, and the last line doesn't seem just right. It feels to me like it should say "I'm alone with fear" or "I'm with fear, alone" or "I'm in fear, alone." Whatcha think? poem lies alone without a single visit; does it ponder Why?© MLee Dickens’son 01 Dec 2004
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Dec 2 04, 05:06
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Hello Daniel,
QUOTE I've read this several times, Grace, and the last line doesn't seem just right. It feels to me like it should say "I'm alone with fear" or "I'm with fear, alone" or "I'm in fear, alone." Whatcha think?
last of the breadcrumbs fine feathered friends sail away; alone, with my fear
This another divide thing Daniel. This is a perfectly normal English phrase. It wouldn't sound right to my ears to use any of your helpful alternatives. Have included a comma in the last line which might help with the interpretation.
Love
Grace
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Dec 3 04, 07:32
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,936
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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Well, I do think you wrote something like it somewhere... or I coalesced a couple of your previous poems in my mind somehow! Anyway... I love the intrigue and softness in this one. It ain't wiltin' fer sher! I'll share my riposte here: some 're romance...and some 're not; ask petals ~ ~so... wilt thou... or naught?pluckin' Lightly, Daniel
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Dec 3 04, 07:43
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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Hi Daniel,
Well, I don't know about you but I am running myself ragged at present, trying to do too many things before I go away.
QUOTE some 're romance... and some 're not; ask petals; so... wilt thou, or not?
Very clever. Your last line sounds positively Shakespearian Daniel
Love
Grace
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Dec 3 04, 07:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose

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my son shines his shoes on the backs of his trousers; first job interview
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Dec 3 04, 08:11
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,936
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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QUOTE (Cybele @ Dec. 03 2004, 07:56) my son shines his shoes on the backs of his trousers; first job interview Very graphic, Grace! ... and believe me, I KNOW what you mean about tryin' to do too many things... but we is musin' pomes, ain't we! Jest take yer time, Lady! This thread ain't goin' no place. It'll be here when ya gets back! LorII ain't got tired o' us yet!
my wife's body talc on the back of my trousers; lost job interview
brushin' it off Lightly, Daniel
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