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> Then the Stillness***, tanka sequence
saore
post Jul 20 13, 11:25
Post #1


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry





Then the Stillness – tanka sequence


our bodies,
seagulls surrendering
to the wind
time brings us into bloom,
is it for miracles we live?


why do you hesitate
what do you see in my face
if not the pulse
of the earth, a bed
of golden saffron


a swarm of bees
awakens the stars
in this long night
homesickness
takes me by the throat


my mouth
closes behind a sigh. . .
I walk
through Shangri-la
in spring showers


moonflowers
surprise me,
shining in the night
to soften
their mournful cry


soft I go
to gather sun and wind,
my speech
the speed of darkness—
I am the tree that trembles


watching
you on the bed
I mine each moment
for the ore that holds
an antidote for endings


so fearfully pale,
a white rose bends to the breath
of the gale
and stands aimless
in the ruins of her honor


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Psyche
post Jul 22 13, 19:14
Post #2


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From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting





Wow, Sergio, this is a magical piece!

Great imagery and word usage. Mysterious... magc.gif

Thanks for sharing, hope to come back as soon as my PC is fixed. Some electrical glitch.

Cheers, Syl***


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Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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saore
post Jul 24 13, 08:48
Post #3


Egyptian
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Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
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Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Thank you Sylvia, hope you solve your problem soon.

Sergio


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jeannefiedler
post Sep 20 13, 13:10
Post #4


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Real Name: Jeanne Fiedler
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How beautiful and dreamlike
this was such a flowing piece
I loved all the nature images
and how softly they moved
throughout the poem, thank you
 
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saore
post Sep 20 13, 13:45
Post #5


Egyptian
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From: San Juan Puerto Rico
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Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Thank you Jeanne.

Sergio


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Eisa
post Sep 20 13, 17:52
Post #6


Mosaic Master
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Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
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Referred By:Lori



Hi Sergio

I've not managed to write one tanka yet, let alone a whole sequence!

This is absolutely beautiful - I love the imagery all through. I have no nits on first read but will return to digest this later.

Snow


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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saore
post Sep 22 13, 08:48
Post #7


Egyptian
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Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Thank you Snow, Thank you.

Sergio


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Maureen
post Oct 18 13, 19:22
Post #8


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From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
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Referred By:arnfinn



Agree with all the previous comments this is a beautifully crafted piece of work - it flows seamlessly like the water of the ocean and is a delight to read.


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saore
post Oct 19 13, 06:36
Post #9


Egyptian
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From: San Juan Puerto Rico
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Thank you Maureen, thank you.

Sergio


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Psyche
post Oct 19 13, 23:23
Post #10


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From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
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Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting




Here I am again, Sergio, after a long absence.

I find your poem even more beautiful now that I've read it several times over.
It's a haunting melody, you could put music to these lovely lines. Have you ever done that with any of your poems?

No nits at all. Wouldn't dare move a single dot.

Maybe ask a question: the last two stanzas make me think that perhaps it's about somebody who has died?

Just me. We all read from different angles and/or moods.

Congratulations,
Sylvia cloud9.gif




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Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Oct 20 13, 10:21
Post #11


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Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Congratulations Sergio!

This poem has been nominated for the November IBPC Competition. cheer.gif

Please check your PM as I've just sent it to you to let us know if you accept.

Cheers!
~Cleo pharoah2.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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saore
post Oct 20 13, 10:22
Post #12


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Thank you Sylvia, thank you.

Sergio


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