The Touch "small tweaks", A Sonnet Options

[Larry]

The Touch

Their soundless screams reverberate with grief
that pierces hearts for all the centuries
of fading life. While scions, stem and leaf,
lie crushed beneath their ancient weight. No breeze

shall herald new beginnings in the spring
or sculpt the emerald crowns upon each head.
Strong bastions from the storms that summer brings
are laid in waste. Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
by death. No songs will greet the morn’ to surge
in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.
A mournful sound, as though a quiet dirge

now permeates this devastated glade
created from the touch of soulless blade.


L10 did begin with "to all".

L9 did read: by death. No songs to greet the morn’ converge

[Alan]

Dear Larry,

Am I being picky here, or is there something about sonnets I do not know : That you put the stanza breaks in puzzles me. I copied it and removed the breaks, and for me it became easier to take in !

As is usual with you, the final product betrays the great talent you put in to writing such formal verse, and I have no "crit" apart from the above.

Took awhile to get it, then it impacted. Very sad.

Love
Alan

[Thoth]

What a powerful satire Larry!

Deforestation is goes on everywhere but is worse in third-world countries where there are no controls.

When will mankind learn to stop killing the Earth?

No nits from me, the sonnet is impeccable.

Cheers, Wally

[Larry]

Hi Alan and Wally,

Thanks for the visit and the kind words about my new sonnet.

Our two boys just finished "harvesting" 40 acres of oak and pine on the property and what used to be a rough but beautiful grove of trees now looks like a bombed out city. Small trees either crushed under the heavy equipment the loggers used or flattened by their "parent" when it fell. This has been a three week ordeal; none of which I enjoyed as you may be able to ascertain from the poem.

Alan, I don't know how well versed you are in sonnet structure and/or types of sonnets but I usually write in the English or Shakespearean style; that being IP, Volta, rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg. English sonnets break into quatrains rather than an octet, a sestet and a concluding couplet. The Volta can be anywhere from L9 to L13. Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, is credited with bringing the sonnet to England.

I've written sonnets in other forms such as "Spenserian", "Terza Rima" or "Diaspora", "Heroic" 18 lines with 2 Sicilian octave stanzas or 4 Sicilian quatrain stanzas concluding with a couplet, and even have a couple of Italian – "Petrarchan" sonnets. The two names are interchanged regularly, but there are more Italians and only one Petrarch. Other sonnets could fit under the “Italian” title.

Petrarchan sonnets are Italian, which get divided into octave and sestet, where the change of meaning or direction happens between those. I only wrote those as an experiment because I don't particularly like the rhyme scheme of: abbaabba cdecde or cdcdcd.

Didn't mean to get preachy or teachy but perhaps I gave you something you didn't know about sonnets. There are probably a lot more forms but I am aware of only 30 or so types of sonnets and prefer to write in just one or two unless I get into that can I write one of this type sonnet? mode.

Thanks again to both of you and am proud that neither of your had any form/metrical nits to pick other than the lay-out of the poem.

Larry

[Alan]

Dear Larry,

When I express ignorance, I fully expect to be taught, so thank you ! I am well aware that you have massive amounts of "book-larnin'" on poetical subjects - 30 ! kinds of sonnet, ouch - whereas I am mainly a poet from instinct and picking things up here and ther.

Love
Alan

[Psyche]

A beautiful and sad sonnet, Larry. It's incredible that people still don't understand the havoc that mankind is creating on earth.

Nature may have her cycles beyond our control, but one has to be blind and heartless to chop down a grove of wondrous old trees. And at the same time dispersing wildlife, insects and so on. Isn't that sort of thing regulated in your area?

Concerning widespread deforestation, in my country it's done by giant, foreign corporations in connivence with corrupt local governments. I most certainly don't agree that so-called 1st. world countries are blameless. They're the ones that profit by closed-door pacts that the populations are unaware of.

But things are changing rapidly. At present we have two ongoing immense protestations barring some Canadian and British corporations from exploiting our gold and silver reserves. The people have simply stood firmly in the path of the machines and the governers of the respective provinces are having a bad time explaining what they arranged behind closed doors. Hmm...

I not only love your sonnets, Larry, I love them a lot more when they express harsh realities (or lovely ones). Content matters!

Greetings, Syl***

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Larry, as always I am still a fan of your beautiful writing. Again I am wowed, the content as well as form throw a light onto such harsh things as deforestation. I am not sure I could have stood and watched such a thing as they call clear cutting, it would break my heart. I have a huge Maple out in back of my house that I wish more could see, I can sit for hours looking at it and all the faces within its branches and on its trunk, the ents would envy me. A wonderous poem Larry even if sad.

Take Care
Steve

[Larry]

Hi Alan, Syl*** and Steve,

Alan, my "book-larnin" isn't that massive but my retention of things "larned" is pretty good. I, too, have picked up a lot as I write and read others work, especially here on MM. I am happy that I was of some small assistance to you in expanding your knowledge.

Sylvia, thank you so much for the visit, read and your kind words. Yes, it is a pity that deforestation is still a fact of life and there are laws which govern what and where one may "harvest" trees. The trouble is, in these tough economic times, choices have to be made and on private land, the laws are made by the owners. It was sad to see those hugh 100+ year-old oaks and decades old pine trees go so after walking through various moods, I wrote this poem to allay my feelings with a bit of venting. Glad you enjoyed the read and sorry it was on such a sore subject.

Steve, thank you for your praise and for your gift of another sonnet. Your Maple tree and the wistful way you wrote about it made me think how much such a thing affects one's life. I've posted it in this forum and titled it "Steve's Maple Tree". Hope you like it!

Larry

[Psyche]

Larry, as always I am still a fan of your beautiful writing. Again I am wowed, the content as well as form throw a light onto such harsh things as deforestation. I am not sure I could have stood and watched such a thing as they call clear cutting, it would break my heart.

<<<<<< I absolutely share your feelings, Steve. I would be shocked and in tears. I was brought up on a farm, so I used to climb old trees, discover hollows inside them, sit and dream up there!
Hollows were great for hiding things, or for treasure hunts. And once our cat had kittens in a tree's hollow, so my mother didn't know and I didn't tell.
Those were the days when spaying was unknown, and people just drowned kittens in buckets of water...
Larry must have spent some awful days watching that 'clearing'. I apologize for stepping in here!

[Psyche]

Hi Alan, Syl*** and Steve,

Alan, my "book-larnin" isn't that massive but my retention of things "larned" is pretty good. I, too, have picked up a lot as I write and read others work, especially here on MM. I am happy that I was of some small assistance to you in expanding your knowledge.

Sylvia, thank you so much for the visit, read and your kind words. Yes, it is a pity that deforestation is still a fact of life and there are laws which govern what and where one may "harvest" trees. The trouble is, in these tough economic times, choices have to be made and on private land, the laws are made by the owners. It was sad to see those hugh 100+ year-old oaks and decades old pine trees go so after walking through various moods, I wrote this poem to allay my feelings with a bit of venting. Glad you enjoyed the read and sorry it was on such a sore subject. <<<<< Larry, you must have gone through a rough time, watching the harvesting of 100+ year-old oaks...wow...It's scary... in an economic crisis, everything 'old' becomes vulnerable, including ourselves! It must have been doubly heartbreaking to know that your own boys needed to do this. I'm so sorry!
My stepdaughter's husband, who's an E.R. doctor in Spokane, had his salary sliced by 40%, whereby he's now developed shingles on his forehead. It's been put down to excessive stress. It's unusual to get shingles on the forehead, and it's the worst kind, because the herpes virus can invade the eyes and cause serious damage to one's vision. So I'm praying for him, poor kind man.
I've gone off-topic...



Steve, thank you for your praise and for your gift of another sonnet. Your Maple tree and the wistful way you wrote about it made me think how much such a thing affects one's life. I've posted it in this forum and titled it "Steve's Maple Tree". Hope you like it!

Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

What a powerful message. One would *hope* that we don't trample every living thing in the world in our lifetimes or in the next several generations, but it IS scary to see it happening.

This is the one part of your poem that I think could be a bit stronger:
Strong bastions from the storms that summer brings
are laid in waste. Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
to all. The first sentence is so powerful, followed by the image of your denizens fleeing (great word choices) their home. I just think there may be a better end to that image aside from 'to all'.

Food for thought but so potent and lovely as is.
~Cleo

[Larry]

Hi Syl & Lori,

Thanks for the visit/read/comments. Sylvia, it was very tough to watch the devastation but not being an owner of the land, there was little I could say about it. Hope your stepdaughter's husband is better.

Lori, thanks for the input and I have been mulling over your suggestion for a few days and believe I've arrived at a suitably strong revision to "for all". I just wanted to make it clear that the clear cutting deprived every creature (including man) from the enjoyment of nature and being a tiny part of something beautiful. Check out the change; hope it's strong enough.

Larry

[AMETHYST]

Hello LARRY!!!! Yippee -

It has been way too long for me to keep myself from your poetry. I feel starved and hungry now, just nibbling on "The Touch" - After reading this I am hungrier!!!

After reading the background story on this I saw those little in between the line hooks that are silent but have further meaning. Such as in L1, soundless, has so much greater meaning and depth when I read the poem after the background that inspired it.

There is an angelic tone within the lines, descriptions light and full bring a soulfulness to the piece. Even in the sadness, there is seen a hope, tinging the images and presence of the poetry. Of course I have no nits about the poem, because I cannot see one word out of place. The only thought that I had to offer was regarding the title. After learning about the story of the acreage, the title sort of fell short for me. However, I may not be familiar with certain language that coincides with trees or harvesting them.

It did however, leave me feeling sad for the loss of them.

Big Hugs, Liz

[Larry]

And Hello once more Liz,

I should write nothing but sonnets when such exuberant pleasure is derived from them. Glad you enjoyed.

About the title; there are numerous underlying meanings to "The Touch". I usually add the title after the poem has been written and aside from the obvious "touch" of the woodsman's axe (or in this case, a horizontal steel saw blade), there are so many other things that are touched by this tragedy. Animals, insects, food, nests, colors of the fall, new buds in the spring, ME, and even the very air we breath have been, in some way, touched. Thus, the title! I'm always open to viable suggestions.

Didn't mean to make you sad but I guess when someone shares their feelings of sadness, such things happen.

Larry

[Alan]

Dear Larry,

Further to your exchange with Liz (praise be she is BACK !), you could amend the titke slightly to

TOUCHED

which I think would bring out many of your other meanings more, plus add a new one - mad !

Love
Alan

[AMETHYST]

Hi Again Larry,

Oh your Sonnets as well as many of your other forms of poetry are treasures and I certainly derive much pleasure from each of them. I thought 'The Touch' had signified those aspects, but I do like Alan's suggestion of "Touch" However, The Touch is fine as is... especially when I reconsider the intention.

Loved it and I am always looking forward to more ...
Hugs, Liz

PS Sad is great, it made me feel those inner feeling the author was projecting through those images... just means you did your job well! LOL

And Hello once more Liz,

I should write nothing but sonnets when such exuberant pleasure is derived from them. Glad you enjoyed.

About the title; there are numerous underlying meanings to "The Touch". I usually add the title after the poem has been written and aside from the obvious "touch" of the woodsman's axe (or in this case, a horizontal steel saw blade), there are so many other things that are touched by this tragedy. Animals, insects, food, nests, colors of the fall, new buds in the spring, ME, and even the very air we breath have been, in some way, touched. Thus, the title! I'm always open to viable suggestions.

Didn't mean to make you sad but I guess when someone shares their feelings of sadness, such things happen.

Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

BRAVO!

Small denizens have fled their home and larder, solace now denied by death. No songs to greet the morn’ converge in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.

MUCH better - I'm so glad you have taken my suggestion and have come up with a much more dynamic and potent substitute, IMHO.
YAY!

Glad to have been of service.

HUGZ
Lori

Lori, thanks for the input and I have been mulling over your suggestion for a few days and believe I've arrived at a suitably strong revision to "for all". I just wanted to make it clear that the clear cutting deprived every creature (including man) from the enjoyment of nature and being a tiny part of something beautiful. Check out the change; hope it's strong enough.

Larry

[JustDaniel]

What more could I now say than what's been said?
This flows with grace and pathos from your heart.
I think it's time you put this piece to bed...
though poets find new insight with a start.

deLighting in your writing, especially of late! - Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Lori & Daniel,

Glad you both approve and I agree with you that any other (improvement?) may be gilding the lilly. I'll just put this in my archives with a link back to here if there might be any more comments.

Thanks to all who helped and enjoyed!

Larry

[MFK Buckley]

Hello Larry! It was a pleasure to read and re-read your sonnet. I have a particular fondness for the sonnet in its many versions. It's also a pleasure to read your sonnet 101 instruction. I cut my teeth for critique at Sonnet Central some years ago and there you learn form or be banished. Thank you for the time to share your knowledge of voltas and sestets, rhyme schemes et al. I found the Petrarchan suitable for certain premises and the rhyme scheme more challenging and more subtle. As for your touch with The Touch... your choice of words create powerful imagery, and frankly as stark as the images, the depiction is quite beautiful. Enjoyed. Frances

P.S. Your work has inspired me. You make good company. Thank you! F