Three Years into Limbo (New rev 20.02.2012), 2 or 3 revs. *** (for crits) Options

[Psyche]

Thank you, Snow, for seconding +++++++ the nom! One never knows what the IBPC judges want. Not to worry 'bout that...LOL...

Great Syl! and I second - third and fourth the nomination. This is expertly and refreshingly written and just what we need to send off to IBPC

As to how you write the dialogue - I'm not sure. I used to use parenthesis, but later was told to use italics, which I tend to use now ... but when there is a converstion beween 2 people that doesn't work the same. I think perhaps the dashes are more modern - I'm a bit old fashioned! LOL!

I'm not partial to parenthesis, but do like italics. Maybe if I leave a space between speakers. Dunno, I'm going to work on it now. Thanks for your help!

Well done Syl
Hugs
Snow <<<<<<< Hugs to you too!

[Thoth]

Hi Syl,

Regarding the dialogue dilemma;
Where there is only one additional voice, for example the narrator's inner thoughts, or those of a second party, it seems that using italics is popular modern practice. A second voice could be enclosed in quotes to make it distinctive but further dialogue requires conventional prosaic handling methods and becomes quite difficult to manage elegantly in poetic works. I would avoid using parenthesis as they have an entirely different meaning.

Good luck in the the IPBC, this wonderful work deserves a wider audience.

Hope you are feeling and healing better now.

Hugz,

Wally

[Psyche]

Hi Wally!

Thanks for dropping in again with your helpful remarks on dialogue in poetry. I absolutely agree that parenthesis are for other uses.

I like italics, but here again I didn't know how to manage the distinctive voices. I tried leaving spaces, but that stretched my piece out too much.

So I'm still undecided whether to use quotation marks as in prosaic dialogue. Trouble is that I now changed the old people's conversation to make it sound more stuttering (which is what happens in real life and one has difficulty understanding what they're saying). So with quotes and the inverted commas it seemed rather messy, and I returned to the dash or whatever it's called.

I know it's also used in modern poetry, but I'm always in doubt about most things, let alone poetry!

Thank you, I'm back to practically normal life, albeit a sleepy one...Must have an X-ray in March as the doc could still hear 'noises' in my lungs. But compared to what you've been thru' this is nothing...And you've returned with great inspiration!

Hugz, Syl***

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Sylvia, you could do what I just did in Crayons Don't Cry use italics for the first voice then bold italics for the second voice...now if you had a third voice....maybe just bold for it...I don't see any other way without all those ""all over the place. I am very glad to know that you are on the mend, My doctor said the sounds I have in my lungs is called velcro rails...cause it sounds like two pieces of velcro being taken apart, isn't that a wonderful way to have your lung sounds described...LOL. I am doing better pain wise, but unfortunately the medications are laying a blanket over my thinking as well as my pain. I hope you continue to get better and that you and Eira both continue to write some new stuff.

Take care
Steve

[Psyche]

Steve, I evidently missed your last commentary, so sorry!
Since I don't consider this poem finally polished (I never do!), I'll still study the suggestions about using italics and, as you say, using bold to distinguish voices. I have 3 voices now, so we'll see what can be done.

I've followed your more recent reports on your health, Steve, so I realize you've been going thru' tough times. But you're back again in other threads, like the proverbial bad penny...LOL..Congrats!
I think of you & your loving family, and pray that you remain stabilized for a long time to come.

I was OK'd by the doc quite a long time ago and had my pneumo shot, first time! But our government hasn't bought enough 'flu vaccines to go round, so that's a new worry, what with the porky strain supposed to visit us presently.

Hopefully, a shipping is coming from Brazil this week. Last year everybody had their shots in March.

Sorry, off topic. Will study my poem now.
Hugs, Syl***

Sylvia, you could do what I just did in Crayons Don't Cry use italics for the first voice then bold italics for the second voice...now if you had a third voice....maybe just bold for it...I don't see any other way without all those ""all over the place. I am very glad to know that you are on the mend, My doctor said the sounds I have in my lungs is called velcro rails...cause it sounds like two pieces of velcro being taken apart, isn't that a wonderful way to have your lung sounds described...LOL. I am doing better pain wise, but unfortunately the medications are laying a blanket over my thinking as well as my pain. I hope you continue to get better and that you and Eira both continue to write some new stuff.

Take care
Steve

[Psyche]

Dear all,

Another small rev that never got done in all these months. I feel as if a different person wrote this one.

Trouble is, time & events flow, catastrophes crash in one's personal pathways as well as worldwide, so that my mind-set appears to have played tricks on me.

I believe I already have a further poem on this subject -cooking in the oven- so I hope to get inspired over here in Bariloche, Southern Patagonia, where I am staying for some short hols. There are so many things to do here, it's such a gorgeous place, but the days are very long now as we enter Spring in these latitudes. Just walking is magical...wow...

Please do crit if you feel like it, all comments are appreciated.
Love ya,
Syl***

[Eisa]

Hi Syl

I had a feeling your holiday would help your muse. It's so good to have you back.

I always loved this one as it has raw emotions written in a subtle way.

I like the ending very much now as it gives out more positive vibes - on hold, but not forgotten. Well done! I look forward to your next.

Hugs
Snow

[Psyche]

Dear Snow!

Today I've been down memory lane at MM!! I've read other people's poems, posted one myself, and read a whole lot of comments.

But mainly I'm shocked that I never finished revising this poem, with which you've all helped me so much. I never answered you!

I'm going to try to concentrate on poetry. A new year's decision. Hope it works...

I see that I certainly have to tidy up this poem some more. I believe I'll use italics for conversations. Steve's idea of using bold for one party might work. I'll try that.

I think I already have a trilogy on the subject of my husband's mental states. Must check that. And yes, what you say about your mother is true in this case too, except that Carlos is 12 years into dementia, something the docs never predicted, since he's got a very poor heart. Poor? Sounds contradictory...

I hope you're doing well, Snow. I look forward to some more new poems from you. Mine will be a bit wobbly after such a long dry spell...wow...

((hugs)) Syl***

[Psyche]

Dear all,

I've finally done my revs. Still open to suggestions, as usual.

Thanks a lot for all your help,
Hugs, Syl***

[Eisa]

Ah Syl!

I am so pleased to see this one at the top of the page - though it never ceases to bring tears to my eyes. It brings back memories of my mother - but how much more difficult it must be when it is your spouse.

Ths is very well written - full of emotion, yet written with subtlety. I applaude your revision - the italics make such a big difference (to me anyway)

I hope to see more of you soon
Hugs
Snow

[Arnfinn]

This is wonderful Sylv
It reads like a condensed descriptive story. Such as we look forward to in this forum.

Even through there's sadness your professionalism as a journalist shines through.

You could not write better.

Regards,


John

[Psyche]

Oh my goodness, John! I came over for a visit to read new poems, then scrolled down to see when I had last posted...wow...shameful...

And I never answered your encouraging comments, please forgive me.

So many things have happened in the meanwhile, including moving my husband to a less expensive nursing-home, that my muse is definitely on hold, as I wrote months ago at the end of this poem...geez!

I do have scribbles that might turn into some sort of poem, but where's the time to be found? The cheaper home requires more of my attention, tho' hubby settled in perfectly, with just a tad of confusion. The food is very good and plentiful; I just have to keep an eye on the quality of attention he gets. So far, "acceptable". I always find him smiling and tranquil, so that's a good sign.

I believe I've already done the rev's suggested, especially the italics suggested by Steve for conversations. Thank you again, Steve and everybody else!

If more crits are offered, that's always gratifying to me.

John, I hope to see you posting, OK?

Hugs, Syl***

This is wonderful Sylv
It reads like a condensed descriptive story. Such as we look forward to in this forum.

Even through there's sadness your professionalism as a journalist shines through.

You could not write better.

Regards,


John