Assigned Fate, Wizard Award Options

[Psyche]

Hi Jackie-of-all-trades!

I've been AWOL, sorry... Glad I was helpful with mythology!

About all sorts of English, I mostly have difficulty when attempting R&F, because people don't seem to agree on where the emphasis goes. So I get my beat all wrong...

I'm not a practising anything, but I do enjoy strolling into different churches to medidate or pray. Although born in Argentina, I was baptized Anglican. I like to think of myself as spiritual, and I really think we're here for a purpose, hope so. Which reminds me of a dialogue in Dostoviesky's The Brothers Karamazov, where Ivan talks to his brother Aloysha (the monk), and finally agrees that he can believe in God (he's an atheist), but that he can't believe that this world is God's creation. His long monologue is quite convincing, and heartrending, and perhaps we really are on the wrong planet, who knows? Jus' jokin', or not...

Hey, Jackie, back to your poem. I'd love to nominate it for the IBPC, but you'd at least have to put the periods or whatever punctuation you choose to use. That is, if you're iinterested, no obligation!

I don't think Don will say 'nope'...hehe... he's such a teaser!

Hugs,
Sylvia ***

[Psyche]

OK, Don, I'll be climbing that wall presently, to view your poems. Don't linger, hey?!
Syl ***

[Guest_Don_*]

Whoa!

I've yet to post my poems at R&M. Since they mentioned interest, I will send Psyche and Jackie of all trades an announcement here at MM.

Yup and nope.

Don

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

Hi Jackie-of-all-trades!
LOL... Hi back at ya!

About all sorts of English, I mostly have difficulty when attempting R&F, because people don't seem to agree on where the emphasis goes. So I get my beat all wrong...
It works best for me to read it aloud a few times but where you may have 'accent' challenges it could be more difficult. There are times just the dilect between regions in the US can be a similar problem

I like to think of myself as spiritual, and I really think we're here for a purpose, hope so. Which reminds me of a dialogue in Dostoviesky's The Brothers Karamazov, where Ivan talks to his brother Aloysha (the monk), and finally agrees that he can believe in God (he's an atheist), but that he can't believe that this world is God's creation. His long monologue is quite convincing, and heartrending, and perhaps we really are on the wrong planet, who knows? Jus' jokin', or not...
I remember seeing the movie many years ago but can't remember the whole quote. I'll have to check it out again sometime. As I may have mentioned before, I am impressed with how well read you are.
Hey, Jackie, back to your poem. I'd love to nominate it for the IBPC, but you'd at least have to put the periods or whatever punctuation you choose to use. That is, if you're iinterested, no obligation!
Heavens! I am quite honored not to mention surprised. Unfortunately I am severly swamped this week (shouldn't even be in here right now) so doubt I could sqeeze in time to reread and make necessary changes (or know what they should be at the moment) to accomplish the update in time. I think the nominations ended yesterday anyway. But I truly do appreciate the thought.

I don't think Don will say 'nope'...hehe... he's such a teaser!
LOL... Ya Think?
Hugs,
Sylvia ***

Thanks again for all your help and being my one man...err... woman cheerleading squad. **smile** I haven't posted any old work (or new for that matter) in a long time. I usually prefer prose (**teehee** with even more verbose writing) and love doing the challenges. I have missed being able to participate in them. Hopefully my world will slow down a little soon so I can get back to something I love.

You gals will have to keep the banter up with Don for me. I have enjoyed catching up on that when I can.

~~<@ Jackie

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

Whoa!

I've yet to post my poems at R&M. Since they mentioned interest, I will send Psyche and Jackie of all trades an announcement here at MM.

Yup and nope.

Don

Hi Don,

I hope you know that I have not taken any offense by the comments made of my work. I consider it a learning experience and am grateful for all viewpoints. I hope you haven't minded my teasing you though.

I look forward to reading the posts you speak of and am sure you'll have them up by the time I can find more minutes to spend here. Right now I'm really short on time as more pressing things have me running in circles. But I do want to check them out.

~~<@ Jackie

[Cleo_Serapis]

This is a very enlightening thread Jackie.

I'm bumping this one up as a reminder to myself to make sure I thoroughly read your poem and offer a review as soon as I can.

Be back soon!
~Cleo

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

"Dawllink!" I've missed you Cleo. I haven't had time to get back to this piece so will be anxious to see your notes before I start making corrections. It has been a whirlwind here in my efforts to start over. There is not much money coming in yet but should finally be able to start substitute teaching later next week. Yeah! But I have been juggling a lot of things and STILL unpacking. Ugh!

I've had to put more emphasis on art over writting of late but still hope to get back in here from time to time. Will try to shoot you an email when I get caught up a bit.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oops! Thanks for the reminder!

I have a few others to return to as well, hopefully tomorrow after I do some errands...

TTYL
~Cleo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congrats Jackie on your wizard award winning tile!

Well done!

~Cleo


P.S. I still owe a crit for this tile, too!

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Jackie,

I'm back to offer some ideas for a different stanza layout in your first two stanzas to start. I'd like to hear your impressions before I continue with the rest of the poem. With free verse, I try not to make it look quite so structured as a general rule and have kept that thought in my critique below. In addition, I try and use words that we might not hear often that might also add internal rhythms, rhymes or alliteration to the work. As an example:



There in the thickness of thought lies uncertainty
with tangled tentacles of fear unfolding, extending.
They ease about a motionless body as if in a dream,
yet these eyes are wide open to the stifling event

Time shows no mercy on this tired soul.
It steals what it will and stands unyielding,
leaving pride and dignity but faded memories,
holding hopes and dreams to ransom that can’t be paid

If we draw attention to certain words that you'd like the reader to pause at, it might look something like this:

In the thickness of thought
lies uncertainty;
its tangled tentacles unfold,
extending fear
to move about motionless bodies
as if in dream --
yet, these eyes penetrate
that stifling event where time
illustrates no mercy
to this exhausted soul.

It steals what it will
and stands unyielding
to leave but pride and dignity
in faded memories,
holding hopes and dreams
to ransom in periphery's chains.

I am enjoying reading your work, it's been to long! I'll be back!
~Cleo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hre's some more thoughts Jackie, as always, take or toss as you wish.

Cheers,
~Cleo

The clock ticks away minutes to hours dauntingly. (I don’t think you need to label ‘the clock’?)
Both racing and crawling in the same dimension, (there’s a conflict here, racing and crawling?)
igniting confusion and worry as one flame
to burn within a soul already tortured.
I suggest eliminating ‘the clock’ and flipping some words, something like:
Dauntingly, minutes and hours tick away
both racing in the same dimension,
igniting confusion and worry –
one flame to burn an essence already tortured.

Is there no charm to dismiss this blackened veil, (not sure that charm is the right word here?)
or blade to cut through these chains of remorse?
Where is the potion to usher in the blue,
the musicians to fill this silent void?

Thus Alone[,] the traveler is left in limbo[,]
lost among the spirits that will not speak.
Here in the internal darkness of nothing
forever remains the shattered life of waste.