My Friend Temptation Options

[MissLuckyPenny]

My Friend Temptation

In my fantasies I remember your face,
clear as a cameo. Your presence
once stirred my pulse to quick cadence.

When my marriage stood on a fault line,
you held me firm in doorways.
Your lips were so close to mine,
but something, perhaps a thin gloss
of commitment to another, kept me
from such a selfish indulgence.

We missed the perfect moment,
came close as this to love and let it pass--
wrapped arms around a dream and lost hold.

For two who loved, but loved not quite enough,
I am grateful we can endure old reminders
like playthings we have long since outgrown.
It may even be that someday I shall see
brown-eyed daisies, and not your eyes,
hear faint violins, and never turn my head.

[Maggie]

Hi Miss Lucky Penny,

Beautiful poem IMYO!! I particularly like the following lines.

It may even be that someday I shall see
brown-eyed daisies, and not your eyes,
hear faint violins, and never turn my head

.

Good way to end!!

Peggy

[heartsong7]

Yes, beautiful!
Lots of really good lines throughout but this grabbed me...
wrapped arms around a dream and lost hold.
lovely imagery all the way up to the bittersweet ending.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Sue

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Poppy...First poem of yours I have read here, welcome to MM, This was a lovely piece and a remembrance of things gone, including a sometime love... hope to read more of yours soon.
Steve

[Merlin]

Hi Poppy,

Ever a bachelor, but I bin dere!

If it's crit you're looking for, only then would I suggest a revisit to see which words are superfluous and cull some of those. ie - When my marriage stood on a fault line, you held me firm in doorways. It could have perhaps more impact by stating (that) My marriage stood on a fault line; you held me firm in doorways. Actually, the doorways are somewhat lost on me too, and could be made into a stronger line like you stood firmly beside me.

But that's only if you should go for a revised copy. You've reminded me of a line by another poet that I've often thought about >>
Sometimes the best isn't quite good enough, and the last word in Lonesome is me.

Merlin

[Guest_Xanadu_*]

This is so very well done! I can relate to this experience. Thank you for the read!!!

[Eisa]

Hi Poppy

It is so good to read your work again ( you might remember me as Capricorn from PK)

This is a pleasure to read and I can only suggest that you could trim it back a little in parts

eg

For two who loved, but loved not quite enough,

could be

For two who loved, not quite enough,

Like Sue I love the line

wrapped arms around a dream and lost hold.

Oh ... that says so much!

I do hope well be hearing more of your work Poppy - I really miss the old times!

Snow