Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Out Of View ~ Revised 8/18/07, Free Verse
AMETHYST
post Aug 17 07, 22:15
Post #1


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



This was from an exercise to begin your first line of a poem with Leonard Cohen's Chelsea Hotel first line -: I Remember You Well - located at Absolute Write.



~~~~~3rd Revision~~~~~~~~~

Out Of View -

I remember you, well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
mother would serve apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she only had seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe-touches of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she too, would remember you well.





~~~~~2nd Revision~~~~~~~~~~~

Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
-- reserved; A proper boy
mother had served apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl to. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she too, would remember you well.


*In the final line, I have added 'too' to stress she would have the same opinion of him as the narrator... does it work with or without the 'too' -






~~~~~~~Revision~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
and mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she would remember you well.





~~~~~~~~~Original~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
mother could serve apple pie to, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
the gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air, *
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she would remember you well.



*corrected typo-from cinnomon to cinnamon

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Sep 29 07, 14:40
Reason for edit: Corrected Typo


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Mistral
post Aug 17 07, 23:30
Post #2


Assyrian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 160
Joined: 12-July 07
From: South Africa
Member No.: 451
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Alan M Douglas



Dear Liz,
This is so damn cute and I thoroughly enjoyed this glimpse of a stolen moment.....
Just one spello. Should be cinnamon, not?

Hugglies,
M


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Aug 18 07, 08:56
Post #3


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (Mistral @ Aug 18 07, 00:30 ) [snapback]101083[/snapback]
Dear Liz,
This is so damn cute and I thoroughly enjoyed this glimpse of a stolen moment.....
Just one spello. Should be cinnamon, not?

Hugglies,
M


Hi Mistral,

yes my fingers were going too quick. Thank you for the excellent catch. I will make that change ASAP... I thank you for the kind words, I was hoping that the underlying meanings would have been stronger or more perceiveable ...

Off to fix my typo's ... again thank you!

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Merlin
post Aug 18 07, 09:11
Post #4


Ornate Oracle
*****

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 2,031
Joined: 24-May 04
From: Time, Immoral
Member No.: 66
Writer of: Poetry



Hi Liz,

Leonard Cohen is a favorite contemporary. I still get the urge to head off to China when I hear the mention of tea & oranges in "Suzanne..."

As to the typo, I checked with Answers-dot-com and while they don't have a definition for "cinnomon", they do have no end of websites using that spelling, which made me wonder if that was some kind of Americanization.

There's one spot that wouldn't go down to the river here >>
A proper boy
mother could serve apple pie to, topped
with vanilla swirl.

Personally, I'd uncap the "A" to continue the thought, but I keep getting visions of mother with a vanilla swirl on top. I do believe it's that "to" that's doing it. Take a look at that.



From another thread, Fran keeps busy with her new business, which is some type of consulting and conducting seminars for women in business. She gives lectures in NYC, Chicago, Montreal, and so on. Keeps her hopping, that and her B & B. There's also a new man in her life, so her card seems full.

Merlin


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Aug 18 07, 18:49
Post #5


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (Merlin @ Aug 18 07, 10:11 ) [snapback]101088[/snapback]
Hi Liz,

Leonard Cohen is a favorite contemporary. I still get the urge to head off to China when I hear the mention of tea & oranges in "Suzanne..."


Hi Eric, I hadn't heard of him until I stumbled onto an exercise thread and the task just seemed to click. This poem is the outcome of that and it is the first new poem I've done in few months. Even then, in the past couple of years, I haven't done all that much of fresh stuff - so this came out easy and I was excited. I have to read "Suzanne..." Will probably go google it asap! wink.gif

QUOTE
As to the typo, I checked with Answers-dot-com and while they don't have a definition for "cinnomon", they do have no end of websites using that spelling, which made me wonder if that was some kind of Americanization.


Thank you for that kind effort, unfortunately (see my head hanging down and the pouty look of guilty on my lips...) I just mispelled it - for some reason I keep saying it like SIN O MON and in my old age forgot how to really spelll it! LOL



QUOTE
There's one spot that wouldn't go down to the river here >>
A proper boy
mother could serve apple pie to, topped
with vanilla swirl.

Personally, I'd uncap the "A" to continue the thought, but I keep getting visions of mother with a vanilla swirl on top. I do believe it's that "to" that's doing it. Take a look at that.


Yes, I see what you mean... perhaps ...

.... A proper boy
that mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl.




QUOTE
From another thread, Fran keeps busy with her new business, which is some type of consulting and conducting seminars for women in business. She gives lectures in NYC, Chicago, Montreal, and so on. Keeps her hopping, that and her B & B. There's also a new man in her life, so her card seems full.

Merlin



Please send her my love and tell her I think of her often...

Thank you Eric for the good eye and feedback on this...

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Merlin
post Aug 19 07, 16:31
Post #6


Ornate Oracle
*****

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 2,031
Joined: 24-May 04
From: Time, Immoral
Member No.: 66
Writer of: Poetry



Here's the song, Liz. You'll prolly recognize it right quick.

Suzanne takes you down

For further reading on the whole tea & oranges thing, go HERE.

Merlin


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Aug 19 07, 18:50
Post #7


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,891
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Liz,

What a fascinating start - I like the challenge and you've taken it on well! eowyn.gif For me, I would break the lines differently though as some of the thoughts are confusing to me. I like the title you chose as it hints of something we are not expecting.

As to my suggestions on formatting the lines (I'll quote yours first), there are places that I expect the reader should pause in the moment and would break the lines at those places:
QUOTE
I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
and mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she would remember you well.


I remember you{.}[,]
well rounded[,] and reserved.
A proper boy;
and mother served you apple pie,
topped with vanilla swirl.
If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe[-]touching of footsie
and glints of {wet} [moisture]
after your lips {pressed} [teased] mine -
she would remember you well.

Enjoyed the moment you captured here!
~Cleo kiss.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Aug 21 07, 09:43
Post #8


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (Merlin @ Aug 19 07, 17:31 ) [snapback]101155[/snapback]
Here's the song, Liz. You'll prolly recognize it right quick.

Suzanne takes you down

For further reading on the whole tea & oranges thing, go HERE.

Merlin


Hey Eric,

As soon as I finish my replies and do some forum runs I will click the link and check this out. Thank you so much for doing the leg work (or finger work as it should be) I will be back to let you know what I think ... wink.gif

Hugs, Liz ...


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Aug 21 07, 09:48
Post #9


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hey Lori,

Thank you for the strong comments and suggestions. I like the consideration of 'moisture' instead of wet, however pressed holds the importance of an actual kiss, where teased implies the desire to kiss but no actual contact.

I wanted to express how the mother saw that outer presentation of the guy that he played, the well respectful person and had she known he was tempting and fooling around with the narrator she would have known him better and certainly would remember him for what he was doing.

I will be making use of your sugggestions and thank you for the kind comments! :) It's been a while since a poem just jumped right out of my mind onto paper ... hmmm, no screen! LOL

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Peterpan
post Aug 21 07, 10:18
Post #10


Creative Chieftain
*****

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,621
Joined: 18-August 05
From: Johannesburg, South Africa
Member No.: 127
Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Jox



Hi Liz~

I have not read all the comments and suggestions but, hey, this is a real beauty! I loved the innocence and the passion all in one poem!

My husband LOVES Leonard Cohen and I enjoy him but, sometimes I find him too depressing?

Thank you for sharing this poem! I enjoy reading all your treasures.

Peterpan


·······IPB·······

May the angels guide your light.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Guest_Don_*
post Aug 21 07, 10:30
Post #11





Guest






"topped" seems better moved to next line as it provides an unnatural pause as is. In the next line I would move "If she had only seen" to a following solo line.

A very cute candy kiss.

Clever suggestions of alternate meanings and pictures.

Don
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Psyche
post Aug 21 07, 20:55
Post #12


Ornate Oracle
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 3,818
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting



Hi Liz!
Love this one! Since you've already revised, there doesn't seem to be anything left for me to nit. What a shame!
But I'll read over once again, case I'm in luck....



QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Aug 18 07, 05:15 ) [snapback]101081[/snapback]
~~~~~~~Revision~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out Of View - Good title. After reading the poem, it made me smile


I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
and mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie Great line!
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she would remember you well. And wish she'd thrashed him with her broomstick!!!


I'm so glad I popped in here, Liz. And I didn't even suspect the Leonard Cohen part...

I'm an absolute fanatic of Leonard Cohen's. I have ALL of his CD's. The last one is not quite as deppresive, it's called 'Dear Heather', but then it's not his best work, either. He's getting on.

His songs "First we take Manhattan", "The Future", "Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.", as well as several others, are considered visionary by loads of people. Shivery, yes.

Did you know that not long ago there was a special event in Leonard Cohen's honour at the Sydney Opera House?

He's a sort of 'underground' trobadour, not to everyone's taste, but I consider him a genius. He writes his own lyrics, mostly. I have a book of his poetry, as well.
Of course, 'Suzanne' is strange & mystical, as are many of his songs.

Well, I better stop rambling on....thanks for sharing, Liz!
Hugs, Syl ***


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
heartsong7
post Aug 24 07, 17:54
Post #13


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 862
Joined: 25-June 04
From: Ohio, USA
Member No.: 70
Real Name: Susan Eckenrode
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Merlin



Oh wow Liz, what imagery! Your words tell a story in a few short lines with lots more left to the imagination between the lines.
Luv this:
If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air

excellent fv IMO
Sue


·······IPB·······

Forgiveness is the fragrance
the violet sheds
on the heel
that has crushed it.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Aug 29 07, 08:16
Post #14


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Dear Beverly, Don, Sylvia and Sue ...

Please forgive me that I have not responded to this thread. I completely forgot about it and although I don't normally forget threads, this one just slid from my mind. I am so very sorry for this delay...

Bev

I personally hadn't read anything of his but I hear great things about him so I might try him on for size...I am trying to find the poem of his that begins with
I remember you well.

Thank you for the comments on the poem. I was thrilled to finally write something fresh... with some potential! :)

Hugs Liz ...


Hi Don,

Again please accept my apologies, it is old age seeping in! LOL Anyway, thank you for those suggestions I will certainly keep them in mind along with the other suggestions received on this when I attempt revision. Hopefully I should have something worthy in the next couple of days.

I do think the suggestion of moving down ' If she had only seen' on a line of it's own it will work well.

Best Wishes, Liz


Hi Sylvia

Thank you for all that information on Leonard Cohen! I am excited to have a place to begin reading on him. I will send you email to let you know what I think of his body of work... tsk, tsk ... no not his body LOL Anyway, you've left wonderful comments I am glad you got the jest of the underlying meaning, as did Sue!

I look forward to doing some minor reworkings on this - I felt good finally writing a poem that I felt had some substance...

I will be keeping your thoughts close to eye's veiw during revision...

Hugs, Liz



Hey Sue,

First please accept my apology for the delay in responded to this thread, I forgot all about it, with limited on line time recently I seemed to be doing most of the critiques and checking the board and out of sight, out of mind...

Anyway, thank you for your supportive comments. I am so very glad you got the underlying meanings intended and left to the reader's imagination... That was exactly what I had hoped would seep through.

I will be presenting a revision in a day or two, but I would appreciate it if you took a look at it to make sure I don't lose what works in leading the reader to their imagination... I don't want to lose the underlying implications....

Thank you and big hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
bbnixon
post Aug 31 07, 12:43
Post #15


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 88
Joined: 7-March 07
From: United States
Member No.: 409
Real Name: Brenda Nixon Cook
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Sampo



Hi Liz,

This is so wonderful, I love the way it just rolls off the tongue and brings a smile. No nits from me just pure appreciation.

:) brenda


·······IPB·······

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Eisa
post Sep 1 07, 05:16
Post #16


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hi Liz

I agree with the last comment -- no nits only appreciation. I love this and the suggestive hints it brought to mind. I've high-lighted my favourite lines.


Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
and mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -

she would remember you well.

I think most mothers have been in this position, thinking 'Isn't he nice!' -- and wouldn't she blush at what he was thinking about her daughter! LOL!

Hugs Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Sep 1 07, 12:32
Post #17


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (bbnixon @ Aug 31 07, 13:43 ) [snapback]101821[/snapback]
Hi Liz,

This is so wonderful, I love the way it just rolls off the tongue and brings a smile. No nits from me just pure appreciation.

:) brenda



Thank you Brenda,

I am glad it all comes through - Yes ... life is filled with lots of these sorts of ironys.


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Judi
post Sep 1 07, 18:18
Post #18


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Bronze Member
Posts: 544
Joined: 3-May 07
From: Central Florida
Member No.: 427
Real Name: Judith Labriola
Writer of: Poetry



~~~~~2nd Revision~~~~~~~~~~~

Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
-- reserved A proper boy Should "reserved" have a comma or something after it..it seems kind of awkward...mother had served apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl to. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -
she too, would remember you well.

I really enjoyed this...brings back memories of boys my mother thought were so special, and she would have died if she knew how wild they really were...Judi


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Sep 2 07, 09:43
Post #19


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Thank you Judi,

You got it Judi! A period should be after reserved I will make the change! :)

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Sep 2 07, 09:48
Post #20


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hey Snow,

Thank you so much for the nomination and the wonderful comments you've left. I know I replied to it right after I replied to Brenda ???? I am sorry it isn't here...
But I Love ya and I am grateful for all the help you give me through out the year to get any poems of mine smoother and to a higher potential...

Blessings to you, Liz ...


QUOTE (Eisa @ Sep 1 07, 06:16 ) [snapback]101855[/snapback]
Hi Liz

I agree with the last comment -- no nits only appreciation. I love this and the suggestive hints it brought to mind. I've high-lighted my favourite lines.


Out Of View -

I remember you. Well rounded
and reserved. A proper boy
and mother served you apple pie, topped
with vanilla swirl. If she had only seen
that gleam of seduction
sashaying against the cinnamon air,
the quick toe touching of footsie
and glints of wet
after your lips pressed mine -

she would remember you well.

I think most mothers have been in this position, thinking 'Isn't he nice!' -- and wouldn't she blush at what he was thinking about her daughter! LOL!

Hugs Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 20th November 2019 - 14:47




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: