Awakened Options

[Aphrodite]

Where do I discover the brimming cup of
sunshine warmth,
to rekindle my heart’s lamenting emptiness?

Where do I inhale vast oceans of majesty’s
thundering waves of strength,
to amass my declining confidence?

Where do I lay flourishing carpets of tranquil
reassuring comfort,
to outfit my abandoned bareness?

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation,
realizing...

illuminating treasures are found
deep in the bruised,
unfinished part of me.

[Guest__*]

Dear Aph

Or, if that don't work, try Mosaic Musings !

Nice thoughts !

Love
Alan

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hee hee Aph - hey that  Alan may be on to something?  :upside:  :blush:  :laugh:  :love:  :grinning:

Seriously, I love the flows and use of imaginitve words in this piece.... You've left em nitless Lindi..

I wouldn't change a thing....

Beautifully touching...

[Guest__*]

Dear Lindi

Cleo's post awoke somethin in me, and I reread yours. The one thing that bothered me on first reading was the "uneven" line length, and just now a hanging "of".

Let me mess and see if it appeals to you :

Where do I discover the brimming cup
of sunshine warmth, to rekindle
my heart’s lamenting emptiness?

Where do I inhale vast oceans (poss ingest ?)
of majesty’s thunderous waves of strength, (thundering ?)
to amass my declining confidence? (Is amass the right word ?)

Where do I lay flourishing carpets
of tranquil reassuring comfort,
to outfit my abandoned bareness?

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation, realizing...
it is found deep in the bruised (these are ?) (comma at end ?)
unfinished part of me.

That "it is found" - what is the "it" ? If you mean all the things above, then "these are", or .....?

As they say, use or lose, it is very interesting that the power of your original words drew us through what may indeed be a few minor nits. Waddja tink ?

Love
Alan

[Aphrodite]

Dear Aph

Or, if that don't work, try Mosaic Musings !

Nice thoughts !

Love
Alan

Hey Alan~

How is it going? Thanks, so much for stopping in to read and comment on my introspective piece.

Take care~
Lindi (Aph) :costume:

[Aphrodite]

Hee hee Aph - hey that  Alan may be on to something?        :love:  

Seriously, I love the flows and use of imaginitve words in this piece.... You've left em nitless Lindi..

I wouldn't change a thing....

Beautifully touching...

Hey Lori~

Thanks, for commenting on my first posting in MM!
I appreciate your nice comments.

Take care, and I wish you the best with this great site.

Loving it~
Lindi (Aph) :costume:

[Aphrodite]

Dear Lindi

Cleo's post awoke somethin in me, and I reread yours. The one thing that bothered me on first reading was the "uneven" line length, and just now a hanging "of".

Let me mess and see if it appeals to you :

Where do I discover the brimming cup
of sunshine warmth, to rekindle
my heart’s lamenting emptiness?

Where do I inhale vast oceans (poss ingest ?)
of majesty’s thunderous waves of strength, (thundering ?)
to amass my declining confidence? (Is amass the right word ?)

Where do I lay flourishing carpets
of tranquil reassuring comfort,
to outfit my abandoned bareness?

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation, realizing...
it is found deep in the bruised (these are ?) (comma at end ?)
unfinished part of me.

That "it is found" - what is the "it" ? If you mean all the things above, then "these are", or .....?

As they say, use or lose, it is very interesting that the power of your original words drew us through what may indeed be a few minor nits. Waddja tink ?

Love
Alan

Hello Alan~

I appreciate you coming back for a second read. Below, I have commented on your helpful suggestions..........

Where do I discover the brimming cup
of sunshine warmth, to rekindle
my heart’s lamenting emptiness?

Where do I inhale vast oceans (poss ingest ?)
of majesty’s thunderous waves of strength, (thundering ?)
to amass my declining confidence? (Is amass the right word ?)
****hmmm, I like "thundering" Although "ingest" is a great word, I like the connotation of inhaling life??? Amass, is a word I chose because if reminded me of "sailing." Strange, I know.

Where do I lay flourishing carpets
of tranquil reassuring comfort,
to outfit my abandoned bareness?

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation, realizing...
it is found deep in the bruised (these are ?) (comma at end ?)
unfinished part of me.
*****Originally, I had a comma after bruised, then took it out. I think I will add it back, since you commented. Thanks!

That "it is found" - what is the "it" ? If you mean all the things above, then "these are", or .....?
****here the "it is found" has many meanings, but the singular meaning of finding completeness. Does that make sense???

As they say, use or lose, it is very interesting that the power of your original words drew us through what may indeed be a few minor nits. Waddja tink ?
*****Thanks, I always appreciate your help and wonderful suggestions.

[Guest__*]

Dear Lindi

"That "it is found" - what is the "it" ? If you mean all the things above, then "these are", or .....?
****here the "it is found" has many meanings, but the singular meaning of finding completeness. Does that make sense???"

It makes sense AFTER you explain it ! The "it" does not popint back to anything - that's why I thought "they" would point back to the 3 things you refer to in previous vaaarses.

It there a way you can have the (in)completeness shown just prior to the pointing "it" ?

Thank you for valuing my contribution, I enjoy it too !

Love
Alan

[Aphrodite]

Dear Lindi

"That "it is found" - what is the "it" ? If you mean all the things above, then "these are", or .....?
****here the "it is found" has many meanings, but the singular meaning of finding completeness. Does that make sense???"

It makes sense AFTER you explain it ! The "it" does not popint back to anything - that's why I thought "they" would point back to the 3 things you refer to in previous vaaarses.

It there a way you can have the (in)completeness shown just prior to the pointing "it" ?

Thank you for valuing my contribution, I enjoy it too !

Love
Alan

Hello Alan~

How goes things? I went in and slightly revised.
I hope that the "meaning" comes shining through!

I do appreciate all of your time you spent of this one.

Lindi :)
PS It is so nice to have you here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest__*]

Dear Lindi

That certainly handles it ! Or - the "it" !

Do you care about the shape of a poem ?

If so, you could make that last verse into 2 :

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation,
realizing...

illuminating treasures are found
deep in the bruised,
unfinished part of me.

Then you have all 3-line verses.

This is a lovely, philosophical  piece of writing - keep it up !

Love
Alan

[Aphrodite]

Dear Lindi

That certainly handles it ! Or - the "it" !

Do you care about the shape of a poem ?

If so, you could make that last verse into 2 :

Within my mournful essence I search
in quiet contemplation,
realizing...

illuminating treasures are found
deep in the bruised,
unfinished part of me.

Then you have all 3-line verses.

This is a lovely, philosophical  piece of writing - keep it up !

Love
Alan

::  ::  ::  ::  ::  ::  ::  ::  ::  ::
Yes, I always care about shape and structure, so~
tanks, buddy!

Happy soul searching to you.

Cheers~
Lindi