[quote name='ArtesiaMeeks' date='May 24 06, 17:49 ' post='75940']
REBVISED 05-26-06
Hi Carol,
Both gents and gals go gad in March each year. <<< gents seems a bit formal with gals.
A champ awaits as madness fame draws near.
The teams who play do vie and claw for first
as fans in watch shout roars and glees.<<< in watch. how about (in voice)
A win assures a spot on brackets’ durst. <<< Maybe somthing in BB I don't U/stand (Aussie)
It’s called the dance for teams on winning sprees.<<< Hmmm delete (on)
A champ awaits as madness fame draws near. <<< A champ awaits madness as fame draws
Both gents and gals go gad in March each year.
The we have it Carol, a few of my ideas on your poem.
I'm trying to figure the form you utilised for your poem? Just me of course- but the rhyme is interesting. or is it ab, ce, df, gh rhyme pattern.
Durst now there an interesting word (had to look that one up)
past of dareI mentioned that gents seems a bit formal in the first line, a pairing seems more appropriate to me. Guys and dolls/boys and girls/ etc.
Take or leave my suggestions of course.
Regards,
John