Awaiting Friendship Options

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Fresh morning air
pulls into mixing nutmeg
your warming smile.

Shelves of past pleasure
holding textured air pulling
summer memory.

Single choice asking
venturous gift to trade for
one moment sharing.

Past songs reminding
eyed bucolic season past
this autumn moment.

Anticipating
old wishes planted today
ask this arrival.

Breath of careful steps
your measured gift offering
swirling mocha.

[Guest__*]

Dear Brahms

Some interesting thoughts here, but I find the sentence structures something of a distraction.

In some, the word sequence seems odd for no good reason that this poor reader can see, please enlighten me.

Example :

Fresh morning air
pulls into mixing nutmeg
your warming smile.

Why not

Fresh morning air
pulls mixing nutmeg
into your warming smile.

In other verses, there is no complete sentence into at all, such as S2 and S3

Examples :

Shelves of past pleasure
holding textured air pulling
summer memory.

This could be solved by using "hold" not "holding"

Single choice asking
venturous gift to trade for
one moment sharing.

and this one by "ask" for "asking".

Also, a minor point, in S1 and S2 there are "pulls" and "pulling". Perhaps one could be changed without losing meaning ?

I look forward to any amends you care to make, but you can of course pluck this whole crit out if it offends you !

Love
Alan

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thanks for your observations, Alan.  When using the
haiku form I usually craft words towards the 5-7-5
formula, sometimes melding words to the experience
I am having, irrespective of improper English.
Your challenge is fun for me as I have never
had negative critique with them, haven't
been with folks like you, I smile.

Brahms

[Cybele]

Good Morning Stephen,

Some very pleasant and warming images here

I can smell the nutmeg and the coffee. Wish I was there to share them

I haven't tried haiku yet. You have encouraged me to 'have a go'

Very nice work. Sounds like you live in a beautiful spot over the other side of the pond!


Love

Grace  :farmer:

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thank you, Grace.  I have long been friends with poetic
expression via the haiku form, and was encouraged
when sharing with a regional haiku group who are
quite melded with that form via cultural visits,
creative sharing, and published success.  They
are frends with the Japanese spirit of that
poetic style, even observing how 'our' 5-7-5
interpretation actually is an inaccurate western
grasp of the 'natural & creative' expression of
life which haiku poets join in written singing with.

Brahms

[Guest__*]

Dear Stephen

You write "When using the haiku form".

Well, so sorry, I hadn't eve realised that these were haiku, so I'd like to withdraw all my obs ! That DOES affect how one views them.

Love
Alan

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thank you, Alan.  I was a triffle wayward when I did
not categorize them haiku, perhaps.  What these
people said about one Western misinterpretation
of the haiku form was- the middle line was very
important, and should not be limited to 7 syllables-
rather have that line express the non-limited way
Change affects form, like how there is no limited
way pressuized magma responds to an open surface
or a herd of wild horses views a new valley or we
homo sapiens respond to the urge to express on
a cave wall or a keyboard.  The group said fewer
syllables are often more true to the form.

Grateful for the act of respectfully encouraging expression,
Brahms

[Guest__*]

Dear Stephen

Well, gottcha, but I will stick with 5-7-5 for what I consider a haiku. I have no obkection to any other, or for that matter, no, form, but a form is a form is a form, and something "not quite" that form which someone still insists on calling that form is not how I would do it.

In fact on a non-poetry forum which had a poetry board a fellow called Oovah wrote some haiku, in 7-5-7 ! So I decided that these should be called Oovahs ! and wrote a few myself.

Keep up the good work

Love
Alan

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thanks for the good hearted note, Alan.  Though I
prattle about 'the haiku middle line' I am naturally
used to the 5-7-5 form, like the haiku I wrote
at my forest landscaping job:
Thick-barked douglas fir
strongly rising skyward those
silent green boughs reach.
Though nearly accepting my application for the
bonsai job, Weyerhaeuser said "sorry, you were
next in line" yet they did put my haiku on a
readerboard w/ my name & WeyCo Logger.

My moment of fame,
Brahms

[Guest__*]

Dear Ste[hen

Hey, you callin' me "thick" ? Huh ?


LOL
Love
Alan (McAlpine DOUGLAS !)

[Arnfinn]

Stephen


Nutmeg coffee.....sounds good


Collection of H's...........I've seen this done before......sorta a poem within a poem thing........very good......would there be a name for the grouping of the six poems?

Regards,

John

[Guest_Brahms_*]

G'morning, John, from rainy windy home pastures.
In view of the living Valley of the Horses wherin
I dwell & prattle aboot (Canadian?), the 6 haiku
grouping might be called that particular type of
Saddle of the Haiku Ride.

Happiest learning the Natural type of style,
Brahms

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Stephen,

Over in Karnak's I have taken you name in vain... Cleo asked you about 5.7.5 and I replied that you argued that 5.7.5 was a modern American form. I'm looking for the evidence to back this up - I hope I can find it! Do you have any evidence? (Please say "yes")

Anyways... your poems... (I shall disregard form as usual)

They are evocative. Your choice of words breezes us through.

I have to say that I do not understand them all but that is simply par for me - no reflection on you I shouldn’t think.

On No1 can I ask... Does it mean (from your point of view) what Alan suggested before he withdrew his comments or does it mean that someone is mixing nutmeg (into something) and sees the smile as he is mixing? (Or, of course something else again?)

No2 Is remarkable. I do not think I have ever seen the phrase “textured air” - what a wonderful phrase. Great verse, too.

No3 - Sorry did not understand. Sounded good, though.

No4 I was not so keen on - simply because “bucolic” is a word I don’t like. Simple prejudice by me, that’s all.

No5 I did not quite understand but loved. As one can appreciate a painting without understanding it, so it was with this verse.

No5 Coffee to finish. Brilliant.

Well, I’d love to understand it all if you’re willing to help me a little, please. However, “Bucolic” apart I loved all this... well done and thank you.

James.

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Brahms,
this read to me as a sexthaiku, but after reading all the explanations the light grows a bit brighter. These almost stand alone, rather than a group, mabe just feeding them to us one at a time.
But then what do I know.
Z man/ Larry

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Well ZMan/Larry, these six were from a pleasant morn
in my newly rebuilt kitchen, & morning coffee is like
the monks singing morning prayers, even if dashed
with nutmeg for Bachelor adventure.

Well James, I confess the stated understanding of the
middle line not being 'simply 7' was from a group of
poetically experienced scholars 15 years ago, and
I did not keep names or addresses.

1) coffee mixed was this new bachelor's adventure.

2) Textured air was from the scent in that kitchen fresh from
cabinets and sealed varnish and a noble new kitchen.

3) Vague image from the vagueness of a shy new
bachelor trying to start friendship.

4) Bucolic was a pleasent find apres years of blue
collar dialogue, mixed with 'my 1st summer sweets'
tossed with this bass asked to sing tenor enjoying
the delight of a happy autumn sense.

5) A mixing of planting good red potatoes w/ belief
my hatching from logging fog was good.

6) Coffee is my one 'dangerous indulgence' of ex-monk.

With wind and rain slapping the roof,
Brahms

[Aphrodite]

Fresh morning air
pulls into mixing nutmeg
your warming smile.

Shelves of past pleasure
holding textured air pulling
summer memory.

Single choice asking
venturous gift to trade for
one moment sharing.

Past songs reminding
eyed bucolic season past
this autumn moment.

Anticipating
old wishes planted today
ask this arrival.

Breath of careful steps
your measured gift offering
swirling mocha.

Hello Stephen~

I enjoyed your delectable poem/haikus, your words so tempting and pleasing!

Breath of careful steps
your measured gift offering
swirling mocha. ******nice!

Deliciously rich!        

Blessings~  
Lindi

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thank you, Lindi, for such were the measures to try
from one new to enjoying singleness back then.

Inexperienced cook
Brahms

[Michelle]

Brahms,

your haiku are lovely.

I enjoyed the coffee metaphor
as I am a great fan of coffee
and expresso.  

I find a peacefulness when
reading haiku and you capture
that art of expression very well.

hmmm

I think I'll read this again.

Beautiful.


Michelle

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Thank you, Lindi, and thanks for your expressed fun
with my haikuing.  Those were awkward days when
crafting this form was my only dependable cup
of expressed delight.  To you and yours,

Brahms