Misty Options

[Eisa]

Misty Veil (revision)


It drifts around me, like a veil
of dampness, spreading through old bones.
My blood is cold … emotions frail,
as aching joints begin to groan.
This fragile shroud obscures the light
it’s cobwebs cling to cloud my mind,
the brumous layer blurs my sight
as thoughts corrode … I’m almost blind.


The moisture sprinkles, fine as dew,
a soft embrace of lacy tears;
then brightness slowly filters through
as mizzle dries and disappears.
That suffocating mantle lifts
and glowing comfort soon provides
relief. The foggy membrane drifts
away; persistent  pain subsides.


New hope comes piercing through the haze
and shivers dwindle. Warmth persists
as strength increases …heat ablaze!
Afflictions vanish with the mist.





Misty (original)


The mist surrounds me like a veil;
cool dampness seeps into old bones.
My blood feels chilled; emotions frail.
I hear my aching body groan.


This layer shrouds; obscures the light,
its cobwebs cling to cloud my mind.
The hazy tissue blurs my sight;
as thoughts corrode, I’m almost blind.


Fine moisture sprinkles earth with dew;
a soft embrace of hazy tears.
A glow begins to filter through
and drizzle slowly disappears.


That suffocating mantle lifts
so life can gently penetrate
my core, the foggy membrane drifts
away and  lingering pains abate.


New hope comes piercing through the haze
my shivers dwindle with the mist.
Sunshine increases; heat ablaze.
Caressed by warmth, my pain is kissed.

[Siren]

My dear Eisa,


This one is my favorite of yours yet... I don't know why but I can relate to it on some level... Maybe it's on the days that I feel the mist around my life and heart... it's not always attached to age, believe me.


Hugs to you and mom

Love
Daniah

[Cybele]

[marquee]                 [/marquee]


My Dear Eisa,

When I started reading this, I thought it was going to induce tears!

I love the way you lift the spirit from verse to verse until the mood is changed completely to optimism.

Lovely choice of words, beautifully arranged and I have absolutely no crits to offer.

I don't think you should consider changing a thing here.


Love

Grace    

Have a fish (my own accolade to you)  

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Snow,
wonderful how you gave this a double meaning. both with mind and body.
There are those days of either or both feeling blah. Like your use of metaphors slowly bringing on relief or satisfaction. The last two lines say it all.
Larry  :xmas:  :holly:

[Guest__*]

Hi Snow.

Tetrametric perfection with an excellent rhyme scheme.

AS they say girl. To rhyme is sublime.  

Makes me look forward to spring.

Hugz

Tom
.

[Eisa]

My dear Eisa,


This one is my favorite of yours yet... I don't know why but I can relate to it on some level... Maybe it's on the days that I feel the mist around my life and heart... it's not always attached to age, believe me.


Hugs to you and mom

Love
Daniah

Hi Daniah

Glad you enjoyed this one and could relate to it.

Mum is out of hospital now. I will send you an email as soon as I have time. Hope all is well with you.

Hugs
Snow

[Eisa]

[marquee]                 [/marquee]


My Dear Eisa,

When I started reading this, I thought it was going to induce tears!

I love the way you lift the spirit from verse to verse until the mood is changed completely to optimism.

Lovely choice of words, beautifully arranged and I have absolutely no crits to offer.

I don't think you should consider changing a thing here.


Love

Grace    

Have a fish (my own accolade to you)  

Hello Grace

Thank you for your encouraging words. I do try and have a positive ending to my poems, as it does lift the spirit.  

Love from Snow

[Eisa]

Snow,
wonderful how you gave this a double meaning. both with mind and body.
There are those days of either or both feeling blah. Like your use of metaphors slowly bringing on relief or satisfaction. The last two lines say it all.
Larry    

Hi Larry


Thanks for your comments here. I hate misty days and misty moods and look forward to the sun shining through


love Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Snow.

Tetrametric perfection with an excellent rhyme scheme.

AS they say girl. To rhyme is sublime.  

Makes me look forward to spring.

Hugz

Tom
.

Hi Tom

Thank you for your very encouraging comments.

Yeah!...to rhyme is sublime...I agree!

I'm looking forward to the spring too (don't like winter)...see you when the spring sun shines.  

Happy New Year!



Hugz Snow

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Eisa,

Expertly done my dear
sung to my novice ear.

You could make groan plural in line four.

Happy your mother is in better cheer
and sunshine warmth is soon upon this year.

Don

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Snow!  :snowman:

What a great piece here!  :pharoah2  One we can all relate to!

You've got a great rhythm and rhyme. I've just a few comments below to take or toss!

Happy New Year!

~Cleo  :pharoah:


The mist surrounds me like a veil;
cool dampness seeps into old bones.
My blood {'s ice-cold}feels chilled; emotions frail.
I hear my aching body groan.

That suffocating mantle lifts
so life can gently penetrate
my core, the foggy membrane drifts
away and  lingeringed pains abate.

New hope comes piercing through the haze
my shivers dwindle with the mist.
SunshineSunbeams increase; heat ablaze.
Caressed by warmth, my pain is kissed.

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

Expertly done my dear
sung to my novice ear.

You could make groan plural in line four.

Mmm...didn't think of that one...good idea :pharoah2

Happy your mother is in better cheer
and sunshine warmth is soon upon this year.

I'm looking forward to the sun

Don

Hi Don

Thanks for you beautifully rhymed reply   (sorry mine isn't but time won't allow)

Love Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Lori

As usual you have given me some good suggestions to think on...I especially like `sunbeams' ...lovely word :pharoah2


Happy New Year      


Hugs

Snow

[Eisa]

Hello there


A revision finished


Snow

[Guest__*]

Dear Snow

As I write to say you have achieved perfection a tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye.

My only nit is a strange one - the line

"Caressed by warmth, my pain is kissed"

has been left out ! I thought it so very telling .....

Love
Alan

[Eisa]

Dear Snow

As I write to say you have achieved perfection a tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye.

Oh Alan you softie you

My only nit is a strange one - the line

"Caressed by warmth, my pain is kissed"

I see I can hide nothing from you Alan :wink:

has been left out ! I thought it so very telling .....

Love
Alan

Love from Snow

[Charon]

Hi Snow,

Been a long time since I have read something of yours and then commented.  Usually I'm scared to, cause you do so well.  However, pardon my intrusion as I really liked this one.

My one and only crit is one that Don mentioned - the "bones" and a single "groan" sort of collide, even for an old couplet maker like me.

Thank you for sharing, may God bless.

Butch

[Athena]

Hi Snow,

This is such a meaningful poem!  If you don't mind, I think I'll ponder it for a wee bit and come back with more comments.  I so often find your writings come bearing deep thought for the reader.    
Blessings,

Dolly    

[Eisa]

Hi Snow,

Been a long time since I have read something of yours and then commented.  Usually I'm scared to, cause you do so well.
What! ... scared of me?!   No need to be I assure you. :pharoah2
 However, pardon my intrusion as I really liked this one.

Glad to hear that  
My one and only crit is one that Don mentioned - the "bones" and a single "groan" sort of collide, even for an old couplet maker like me.

Mmm...have been thinking about that one too. Thanks for mentioning

Thank you for sharing, may God bless.

Butch

Hi Butch

Nice to see you and your new name ...love the Avatar.

and please call again soon.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Snow,

This is such a meaningful poem!  If you don't mind, I think I'll ponder it for a wee bit and come back with more comments.  I so often find your writings come bearing deep thought for the reader.    
Blessings,

Dolly    

Hi Dolly

Look forward to hearing from you

Snow