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Wordsworth's "I Wandered..." Restated Challenge, Line ending words must be repeated |
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Aug 6 08, 11:32
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Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry
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Behold the sky without a CLOUD, Let clement air caress the HILLS, As then was I who eyed a CROWD, A dale of dainty DAFFODILS: Before the beach, beyond the TREES, Beckoning to me with the BREEZE
An auric acre of awesome SHINE In matrix like the milky WAY, A burst of beauty, none in LINE With sea of sun along the BAY: No way could I but give a GLANCE, Winking and wagging in dainty DANCE.
How like the waves, these posies, THEY will bow and bid in sharing GLEE: What words would fail to gush with GAY In green and yellow COMPANY: I stood amazed, without a THOUGHT And then thanked God for what He BROUGHT.
And now, as I'm abed and LIE With peace and piety, my MOOD' I see them with my mindful EYE who join me in my SOLITUDE; Then once again my mem'ry FILLS and I'm amongst those DAFFODILS.
(to read Wordsworth's "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud", righr here it Mosaic Musings, go to Legendary Libations, William Wordsworth, posted by Cleo.
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Aug 7 08, 05:42
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Mosaic Master
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From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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How lovely Ron - so many treasures in this response poem! Thanks so much for posting it - I'll be along hopefully this weekend with a response as well. Great poem you've chosen and a fabulous response! Love this: I stood amazed, without a THOUGHT And then thanked God for what He BROUGHT.
and this: I see them with my mindful EYE who join me in my SOLITUDE; Then once again my mem'ry FILLS and I'm amongst those DAFFODILS.
Awesome! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Aug 7 08, 11:02
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
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From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Fantastic, Ron! Love this...You're a master at restatements of yore.
I MAY try my hand at it, not promising. I think you should post the Original above, would make it easier for us lazy ones who work Online, or just to compare. TorT!!! It's your challenge!
Cheers, Syl***
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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Mar 30 10, 14:55
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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A new answer for Wordsworth's "I Wandered..." poem for an old (August '08) challenge!
Butterflies
A family, like saffron cloud adrift above green rolling hills, descended as a hungry crowd upon a field of daffodils. They grew among the budding trees that swayed in time with springtime’s breeze.
Bright wings reflected warm sunshine attending them upon their way back home. Although a ragged line extended far along the bay, one could discern with just a glance that all were part of that spring dance
of coming home. I watched as they all shared a festive meal with glee: which turned once saddened mind to gay. I, gladdened by their company, and for the sudden change of thought thanked nature for the smiles she brought.
Were I to speak of this, I’d lie about that day; my new-found mood. Spring brought a gift to heart and eye; for I, in tranquil solitude perceived a sight soul’s thirst fulfills… gold butterflies in daffodils.
Larry D. Jennings
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Apr 27 10, 05:29
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Larry! I'm just reading this one now. What a LOVELY response! I'm glad you did too, as I want to now as well. It won't likely be as beautiful as your imagery which I enjoyed very much to start my day! Enjoyed the read! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Dec 31 13, 16:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Springtime
I knew the snow was coming from the cloud which hung above the brown and barren hills where in the spring and summer there’s a crowd of children playing in the daffodils. Now nothing’s left but small denuded trees that bend and sway in winters warning breeze
which piles that dark’ning veil and blocks sunshine. With lengthened steps I hurried on my way to where the yellow taxis stood in line for tourists who vacationed at the bay. The shore was empty and my passing glance revealed the froth as waves began their dance;
demolishing small castles built where they could only reach by tide or wind. The glee and laughter gone, as well as all the gay bright colored umbrella company erected for that sunny day. No thought was given to this time of year that brought
the promise of springtime. A passing lie which winter told when she was in the mood. December days with Sol’s unblinking eye are when I seek my hearth and solitude till seasons change and only one fulfills my need for sun and warmth and daffodils.
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Feb 27 14, 05:19
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Group: Gold Member
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From: UK
Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends
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Dear Friends,
I only discovered this challenge this morning, thought I'd have a go.
Edit : Oops I see I'm in the wrong thread. Lori, can you please move it for me ?
Thanks
Alan _________________________________________________ SWEET REVENGE
There once were times when I would take a SHINE to a fair maiden met along the WAY, not knowing that she’d hooked me on her LINE, played me like a fisherman by the BAY. Oh how I wish I’d payed more than a glance, and thus avoided this most gruesome DANCE.
And how the gurning crowd would laugh, as THEY could scarce contain their overwhelming GLEE, at seeing one so serious be GAY, although he did not fit this COMPANY. In his blindness he could not spare a THOUGHT and see low state to which he had been BROUGHT
I tell you now, it is no word of LIE, that I was felled, and in such damn foul MOOD to pluck from each of them just one good EYE, that t’other know its lonely SOLITUDE. Me this mercy with pleasure truly fills that they can still cavort ’mongst DAFFODILS !
Alan McAlpine Douglas
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Mar 11 14, 12:27
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,763
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Thanks for reviving this, Alan. I'll look further at your post in the Crits!! Here's my attempt: Today it's RainierI wonder at the lonely cloud that's floating east toward the hills. Just yesterday there was a crowd of them that wet the daffodils and filled the lakes and slaked the trees. Today there's but a warming breeze. It's joy to see Mt Rainier shine where billows have since gone away. The foothills form a wondrous line that yesterday kept clouds at bay. Today snow peaks can't miss your glance, and circling hawks all seem to dance. Red robins find their prey, and they are feeding all their kin with glee. Seems all the animals are gay and keep each other company. Such pleasure in this day, I thought. Could anything more peace have brought? I've nothing more to do than lie on dewy grass and share the mood. The cloud will morph before my eyes as I lounge here in solitude. Puyallup Valley always fills my heart... and fields with daffodils. © MLee Dickens'son 2014
reflecting back on my roots in Tacoma, WASource of the challenge: Use the last words of each line of Wordsworth's poem:
I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud By William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed—and gazed—but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.
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Mar 11 14, 14:31
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Group: Gold Member
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Joined: 16-October 06
From: UK
Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends
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Dear Daniel,
Excellent response. Only I posted it in wrong thread I think.
Love Alan
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Mar 11 14, 17:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,763
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Ah, Alan.... I see you ARE in the right thread... BUT you somehow omitted the first six lines of Wordsworth's poem ? Did you merely forget to copy and paste it? Thank you for visiting my post too. I'm posting it for crit as well; I'd lost internet connection a bit earlier today. sLightly confused, Daniel
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Mar 11 14, 23:29
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel and Alan,
Glad you both came back to this forum. I've enjoyed both of your recent posts.
Here is one more from my neck of the woods.
I Wondered In…
The room was filled with noxious cloud like fog which hugs the small foothills and through the haze I saw a crowd dressed up like paisley daffodils. Those standing were like wizened trees contorted by strong ocean’s breeze;
their eyes were glazed, there was no shine. Those seated seemed to nod away and then their bodies would incline like buoys adrift on placid bay. I didn’t stare but just a glance revealed a soft slow-motion dance
between two would-be lovers. They now moved as one and laughed with glee at some shared private joke. So gay within that stolid company; they touched and kissed without a thought. This panoramic scene now brought
back reminiscent youth. I’d lie if I revealed that self-same mood had not played out in memory’s eye. I now prefer my solitude on scented path through woods that fills my mind; not ersatz daffodils.
Larry
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Mar 12 14, 07:36
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Oh wonderful to see this thread revived! What lovely responses Larry, Alan and Daniel! I'll be back a bit later with comments. BIG presentation today so need to get ready and fit in with the other 3 meetings today - yuck! Enjoyed! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Mar 13 14, 21:27
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,763
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Larry, I'm intrigued by your piece, which appears to be a kind of dreamscape taking you back into something like wishful thinking into your past, or some other foggy image ? Lori, thank you for your visit to the tread too. I'll look forward to your further comments. deLighting in everyone's sharing, Daniel
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Mar 13 14, 23:27
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel,
Thanks for the comments and the read.
It's not wishful thinking but only a brief trip back to my "hippy" flower child days in California in the early 70's. It was definitely foggy but it had nothing to do with the weather. There were a few times when you came into a room and couldn't see your hand in front of your face and when you could make it out after a while, you saw too many fingers.
The idea for this little jaunt came from the title because after Viet Nam, that is what I did - "wandered" physically and mentally trying to figure things out after getting out of the service. Hope it was "eye-opening" for you too.
Larry
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Mar 14 14, 04:53
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,763
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Ah, the fog is much clearer now, Larry! Though I've ministered to scores of persons having been permanently affected by the phenomenon, I didn't pick up immediately on your allusion. Had I indulged myself I'm sure I'd have immediately grasped your words! Always delighting in your wondering, Daniel
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May 9 14, 10:53
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Flower Children?
They sit with heads tucked in a cloud in buildings perched upon the hills of Washington. That clueless crowd acts like they still wear daffodils in flowing hair and Cherry trees are not what’s wafting in the breeze.
Collectively, they never shine but seemingly get in the way of progress. Changing every line with votes of nay; they howl and bay at everything but never glance at those who brought them to the dance.
Constituents? Just who are they to tell us that our endless glee is not appropriate. They’re gay, when parties by a company raise campaign funds. No passing thought is given to the promise brought
into the light; ‘twas just a lie. The voters now have changed their mood and want to punch them in the eye or lock them up in solitude. We’re sick of them. We’ve had our fills of those who work like daffodils.
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Jul 3 15, 20:01
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Wildfire
The sky was filled; a grey and dirty cloud hung low above the blackened rolling hills where pine and aspen grew. What was a crowd surrounded by admiring daffodils is now a cemetery. Fallen trees are what is left from fire’s voracious breeze.
Some few contain small embers which still shine with greedy tongues; lick residue away. The devastation seemed to form a line to where the hillsides swept into the bay now choked with ash. There was no parting glance at what was left from that inferno’s dance.
Black footprints marked flames’ torrid steps where they had leapt through emerald spires with mindless glee in pirouettes. What once was green and gay had now become an ebon company. A lightning storm with bolts quick as a thought came through the virgin forest and had brought
sure death. The charred remains of creatures lie in unmarked graves as though a conqueror’s mood negated all remorse. With blinded eye, the victor’s legacy was solitude and trailing in his wake the hot air fills with tiny remnants of burnt daffodils.
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