Wanderlust

She greets the morn' with tantalizing grace
and flits along an unsuspecting breeze.
Her wonderland awaits. Moments she'd freeze
if only she could find her long-lost place.

Among a floral canvas, splendor calls
where boundaries are scaled. No longer walls
preclude her progress; winsome turns she'll drift!

Entwined within bright blooms, she hides her face
and dines on woodland's nectar. She's a tease!
Companions of the glen can never seize
her boundless will. Yet, always there's a trace . . .

And when her time has come to pass, we'll see
true loveliness preserved: Perception's gift
and wonder if somehow, she could be me.

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter 15 July 2014

Hi Lori,
now let's see who the mysterious "she" might be, that you would want to be. A fairy? A winged nymph? I could narrow it down to a butterfly or--dare I say--hummingbird; or simply you in a flight of fancy?
Very nice flow; maybe with just a trace of unevenness in line 3, but that might well be me because I can't read aloud on account of my wife shushing me. Nice work, with just the right touch of mystery.
Jerry

Mmh . . .who is this minuscule ethereal spirit? I see perhaps a butterfly flittering among the flowers, momentarily pausing to search a likely blossom then hesitating, she sups on nectar pollinating the blossoms so fertile seed may perpetuate the cycle of life.

Most wonderfully you have sketched the dynamics of this scene, spinning it all into 14 enchanting lines of verse but there’s more; Is that a trace of envy in the narrator’s voice ? I don’t think so. . . I see it like a humble realization that every living creature, each on their own scale within the universe serves toward a common purpose. Like looking though a magnifying glass and recognizing there a mirrored replication of our own dimension.

Lorri, that is inspirational poetry indeed!! Splendid work.

I shall decline to crit because I’m sure its is exactly the way you want it. The stumble that Jerry bumped against in L3, if not intentional is an absolutely perfect nuance to the stuttering flight of the butterfly.

Thanks for sharing and I do hope your wonderful muse has come of out of seclusion to flutter on sunbeams.

Hugz

Wally

Why hello there Jerry!

Thank you for coming in a visiting my thread. I haven't written anything in ages. Sam (4Rum) inspired me after I inspired him to write a sonnet to a beautiful butterfly photograph he took at posted on Facebook.

I always have dual meanings in my poetry and you are not far off. It is a butterfly at face value, BUT it is me as well.

Ah yes, L3 (and 4):
Her wonderland awaits. Moments she’d freeze
if only she could find her long-lost place.

The iamb gets kicked to the curb in the last half of that line. Hmmm - I'll have to ponder that some. Pwerhaps a quick change is to replace 'moments' with instants? Still not quite there...
Your thoughts are welcomed as always!

Thanks again and cheers!
~Cleo

Hi there Wally!

You guessed correctly! YAY! This is a butterfly. Sam (4Rum) inspired me to write a sonnet at Facebook and this is my first pass.
It's not a trace of envy as much as a desire to be her, lol! Free spirit roaming and flirting with nature and all that beauty.

I like your interpretation of my iambic kick to the curb there in L3, but i would like to perfect that line all the same. So - your further thoughts are appreciated! It realy is that she wishes to freeze those moments/instants in time.

Thanks again Wally - I do plan to be back in the groove and writing and interacting again - been way too long!

Cheers and Hugz!
~Cleo

Hi Lori!

What delicately inspiring lines in this beautiful sonnet! I'd been here before but without time to read it carefully, as it fully deserves.
On this visit I like it even more.

I don't nit F&R poetry; as you know, I'm always a learner, the eternal student...LOL

But I can suggest words for you to ToT, according to your rhyme pattern. Yep!





I'm absolutely enthralled by your sonnet, Lori. Bring on more, please.
We've missed you a lot. And when you have a mo', do drop over the wall and post some of your great FV. Jerry and I have been keeping that side moving a little, but he's said he won't keep on posting. Take a peek, please do. Jerry says he'll keep in touch, but it's a shame he's moving on.
Big hugs,
Syl***

Hi Lorri,

as usual, I enjoy your writing and find it alien enough to my own style to feel inept as a critiquer. As you seem to be unhappy with line three I'll stick to that. How about dropping "she'd" and simply putting "a" before "moments?" Whatever, I like it as is.

Keith
the happy chappy

Why hello Sylvia and thanks for dropping into my Sonnet adventure!

Yeah, I have some old free verse I can revisit, but I don't live up to you caliber in that space! AND thanks, it's been a long while since I've been posting! Nice to be missed!

I like your ideas for that line I'm stumped on and will ponder further. Moments is really what I am going for but the iamb is off with that word choice.

Yes, canvas is metaphorical (like all my stuff, lol) and was envisioning the meadows/garden as a canvas of nature. I'll ponder some there too.

Thanks for stopping by and giving me lots to think about Sylvia! It's always nice to have you drop into my topics!

Cheers,
~Cleo

Why hello Keith!

Hahaha - I find my writing alien to others' sometimes too! Glad you enjoyed the trip!

Oh thank you for enjoying this one! I consider every critique, no matter how small, so please do come back again and revisit!


Hmmm, that would still not fix the iamb there I'm afraid. Moments is just not the right word, although it is what I was thinking at the time. I will ponder this further and appreciate everyone's suggestions.

Thanks again and cheers!
~Cleo