The Secret, (for Daniel Alan) Options

[StarsailorLost]

The Secret
(for Daniel Alan)



Hello, my little one.
I am here,
waiting to catch you in my arms,
already loving you.
Your sweet mother stands,
a timeless image, hand resting
on the fullness of you-- waiting,
and I am moved to tell you a secret...

I have known you for years upon many years;
do you see? You were in the seed within me
when I learned to breathe!
I knew you so long ago, when we were but the dust
left behind when an ancient sun went super nova!
I knew you when we were the sea
that gave birth to the rugged, rolling land;
I knew you when we became the rain
for a while and I was with you
when we once played as the wind
racing madly across a trembling sky.

I even knew you before I knew
whether your eyes were brown or blue
or bright and green as moss
or if your skin was creamy pale or a warm brown,
a gentle yellow or a deep and dusky olive.
Yes, I know you better than anything,
better than the cadence of my own breath
in and out. In
and out. And,
I knew you when the only thing
I knew for certain was that you were a force
of limitless possibilities--
and, oh, yes.

That you are loved.

I know you now,
before you have come into this world, anew,
because you are already here,
wedged firmly under my sternum and cage of ribs;
here in every beatbeatbeat of my heart,
pounding out loud the joy
of your impending arrival.
So, do you see? Don't fret!
That is the secret!
I am here, already loving you,
just as I loved you, long
before time began.

So, come on, little one, come on!
My arms are stretched out, and I am here,
just waiting to catch you.





.

[Maureen]

WOW MELINDA - THIS IS STUNNING What a delight to read - thank you so much for sharing it. What a wonderful gift your words are for your son - something that will be greatly cherished.

Cheers

Maureen

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Melinda,

WOW! What a lovely story/poem! The soft rhythms compliment every word you've chosed for this "Secret". I am glad you were moved to tell us this "secret".

I adore this and especially this part:
I am here, already loving you,
just as I loved you, long
before time began.

At first I was going to suggest to separate beatbeatbeat but now on second read - nah! I like the rolling of the words together.

Perhaps break off into a new stanza in the opening this passage below?
Your sweet mother stands,
a timeless image, hand resting
on the fullness of you-- waiting,
and I am moved to tell you a secret...

As another suggestion to ponder as you wish, you elaborate some of the colors like "green as moss", "creamy pale" and the others following, but did not in the opening of the passage for brown or blue. Perhaps you might consider elaborating there to be consistent?
I even knew you before I knew
whether your eyes were brown or blue
or bright and green as moss
or if your skin was creamy pale or a warm brown,
a gentle yellow or a deep and dusky olive.

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo

[StarsailorLost]

Hello, Maureen and Cleo! Thank you both for taking the time to read and comment-- and with such kind and helpful comments, as well!

Your comment, in particular about the eyes, brown and blue was very helpful, Cleo, because that is one of the only points in this poem that I struggled with. For the most part, this was one of those poems that just came rolling out of me with little to no effort. That point you mentioned gave me trouble, though, as I kept going back and forth as to what I wanted to do with it. I will keep your thoughts in mind as I revise...

About the emotional side, thank you both, because as I await the arrival of my first grandchild, I am, admittedly, VERY emotional!

My best thanks to you both,

Melinda

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Mel,

So glad to be of help! WOW! It just came rolling out of you with little effort? Well, it's an amazing poem IMHO that lingers on my mind. These are the kind of poems that should have a wider audience.

Back to your comment about this part:

I even knew you before I knew
whether your eyes were brown or blue
or bright and green as moss
or if your skin was creamy pale or a warm brown,
a gentle yellow or a deep and dusky olive.

You could possibly use other descriptions for brown and blue instead of stating them like maybe:

whether your eyes were a shimmering sapphire (or maybe incorporate opalescent as that rolls off the tongue nicely )
or burnt sienna (or maybe incorporate amber, ocher, umber, mahogany)?

When is the due date? You must be so excited?
Cheers,
~Cleo

[Psyche]

Hi Melinda!
I don't think we've met before, so welcome to the wonderful MM family!!

I too love your poem. I like the lines about nature:

I knew you when we were the sea
that gave birth to the rugged, rolling land;
I knew you when we became the rain
for a while and I was with you
when we once played as the wind
racing madly across a trembling sky.

I'll be dropping by again, got problems with my PC. It's got a glitch and the techie will come tomorrow, hopefully.

I'm fond of poems with an emotional side to them. They're the ones that touch me... they're real. Best of luck and let us know!!

Hugs, Syl*** aka Psyche

[saore]

Very nice emotional poem. these are my favorite lines:

I knew you when we were the sea
that gave birth to the rugged, rolling land;
I knew you when we became the rain
for a while and I was with you
when we once played as the wind
racing madly across a trembling sky.

Sergio

[Maureen]

You were in the seed within the seed - Grandchild - of course . I didn't pick up on that bit. How wonderful for you - I can well imagine the emotions coursing through you. Make sure you post a piccie when the little one arrives.

[jeannefiedler]

Some things are timeless and having babies is definitely one of them. What a beautiful mother-child bond. You are one with your baby and always will be, as I picked up from the nature images and the love as "ancient" - something that always was and always be. Thank you.

[galoutofdixie]

Absolutely beautiful!! I loved reading it