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> Just Desserts, Sonnet
Larry
post Apr 7 19, 22:46
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Just Desserts

The earth is filled but still we spread
like vermin. Filling up the land
and building castles on the dead.
Foundations are just shifting sand

engorged with detritus of waste
and obsolescence. Plastics ride
the emerald waves which once were chaste
but now they lay upon high tide

dead fish and birds. A darkened stole
that festers with a rotting stench
now lines each shore. Embellished bowl
of sewage that will never quench

the thirst of gluttonous mankind.
A travesty we leave behind.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Sep 13 19, 05:58
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori



A sonnet in perfect form, but I think most of your enjambments are distracting from the great message. Inversions, as in the final line, are things of old as well. Would you consider rewriting this piece. I think it's worthy of it. treading Lightly, Daniel sun.gif


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Larry
post Sep 19 19, 13:17
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Posts: 9,448
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Daniel,

Not sure about your problem with enjambments and the only way I might be able to alleviate that is to use the French version of 8 and 6 instead of the 3 quatrains and couplet. I wish you would clarify your statement about the inversion in the final couplet. The first line is a continuation of the sentence in the prior line and the last line is my summation or viewpoint of the way things are as I see them.

Thanks for chiming in and let me know a bit more of your thoughts.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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