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Jan 8 16, 18:55
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 78
Joined: 13-November 15
Member No.: 5,294
Real Name: Krista van der Steen
Writer of: Poetry
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Out
I sat at a table surrounded by men. They were beautiful, don't get me wrong, I adored how their eyes met and gestures felt erotic. In laughter, loud like shouts in barrels, they aroused each other's touch without touching, but seemed tied together by the same rope. They were lifting glasses, propping them on foreheads, rummaged in trouser pockets to find a shared experience. Shirts were white or blue or grey and not one of them noticed me; not one cared for my breasts or lips, nor the height of my heels. My brain reposed, unused, and they only glanced to Mum to see if she was listening.
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Jan 10 16, 08:15
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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I love this one, Krista. If I read it right, the men are brothers (tied together by the same rope) and the woman is their mother which is why they don't think of her in a sexual way.
This is well written with great understanding. A few suggestions between the lines.I sat at a table surrounded by men. They were beautiful, [don't get me wrong,] I don't feel you need 'don't get me wrong' - it adds nothing here. If you wanted it more precise then perhaps
I sat at a table surrounded by beautiful men.I adored how their eyes met and gestures felt erotic. In laughter, loud like echoes in barrels, they aroused each other's touch without touching, but seemed tied together by the same rope. Nice description of laughter. Also 'arouse each other's touch without touching' shows a closeness which 'tied together with the same rope' follows up. I like this stanza very much. They were lifting glasses, propping them on foreheads, rummaged in trouser pockets to find a shared experience. love 'rummaged in trouser pockets to find shared experiences'Shirts were white or blue or grey and not one of them noticed me; not one cared for my breasts or lips, nor the height of my heels. My brain reposed, unused, and they only glanced to Mum to see if she was listening. The beginning of this stanza makes me wonder if the woman is invisible LOL! - but the twist at he end shows she is their mother. Yes, they would glance at her to see if she was listening.
Good writing, Krista. written with skill and understanding of relationships.
Eira
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Jan 10 16, 14:57
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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rummaged in their pocket to find shared experience What does this mean? I find some of your lines at times need clarification rather than being over looked
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 27 16, 16:50
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 97
Joined: 31-October 15
Member No.: 5,279
Real Name: J.S. MacLean (Joe)
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eisa
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QUOTE (K.S. Lenk @ Jan 8 16, 16:55 ) Out I like a certain plainness in the images and actions that still leaves an uncertainness, at least for me.
I sat at a table surrounded by men. Is there a better word than "surrounded"? The table is surrounded by men yet the N is a woman... They were beautiful, don't get me wrong, there is no "but" so I am not sure what or why the reader would mistake. I adored how their eyes met and gestures felt erotic. This is direct and engaging. In laughter, loud like echoes in barrels, good sound image that puts the reader into the scene they aroused each other's touch without touching, the use of "aroused" is to me a sexual image and so I interpret gay men. The next lines again suggest a commonality which could be a lot of things...however the language seems sexual. but seemed tied together by the same rope. They were lifting glasses, propping them on foreheads, this is another interesting image, we often prop things on foreheads but I am not sure I see the scene here. I was seeing a bar or restaurant but the propping on foreheads suggest serious conversation to me. A dinner party seems more apt...but I still cannot envision a lot of people doing this action...yes the occasional person might touch the forehead with a glass but I can't see this as a group thing although this may be common in some groups...I don't know. rummaged in trouser pockets to find a shared experience. this is another interesting image...and good poetry...not sure how this combines with "seemed tied together" ... it can in that the commonality will result in the shared experience...people with something in common will often end up talking about just that. Shirts were white or blue or grey and not one of them stuffed shirts? this might suggest business types but not necessarily...could be a number of things but definitely suggest a conservative tone. noticed me; not one cared for my breasts or lips, nor the height of my heels. Another interesting item. This matters to the N obviously. The woman is mature but we do not know as much about the men. My brain reposed, unused, Does this mean that if a woman is not noticed physically she is not engaged for her thoughts? and they only glanced to Mum to see if she was listening. Again we have a choice ... is Mum the N? It would seem so since the N is surrounded by men (but maybe Mum is not at the table). The ending does add a fold to an already puzzling origami. The poem works in engaging the reader but it still leaves this reader feeling the need for enlightenment as to the purpose here. I do like the sketch aspect here, the poem engages but I am left wanting something.
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Jan 27 16, 17:14
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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Mum may be a non female. The poem has addressed the men as being gay. Maybe in the poem he is their gay father head. Anyway the poem seems to promise more than the writer is willing to admit. I can only deduce the two young males have both experienced sexual contact with Mom. There is the gay phrase "I be Mother" ie the overbearing partner.
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 28 16, 16:16
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 78
Joined: 13-November 15
Member No.: 5,294
Real Name: Krista van der Steen
Writer of: Poetry
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Thanks everyone for your feedback and thoughts. I've been so busy and not found time to reply. I apologise for this.
This piece is about me sitting at a table one night with nothing but male work colleagues. I am slightly (????) older than them and felt out of place. But what struck me was, that, eventhough no males were gay in my knowledge, the mere connection between them was homo-erotic in a sense. They understood each other, there was praise and admiration, touching, and all this time there was no interest in females, certainly not in me, nor in the other much more attractive women in the room. This brotherhood struck me, intrigued me, if you will. I felt all men have this bond and women cannot enter.
I liked the connotation with homosexuality, hence the title. And my experience is that men do look at women for approval....this is where 'mum' came from. The 'glasses' are spectacles. Particularly one or two guys I know, balance them on top of their forehead when they don't need them and they all, ALL, jiggle change in their pockets.
Regards, K
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Jan 29 16, 14:45
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 97
Joined: 31-October 15
Member No.: 5,279
Real Name: J.S. MacLean (Joe)
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eisa
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That sheds some light. I was getting some of that but a few things led me astray. An interesting comparison would be a poem by a man sitting with younger female colleagues. I don't think I will be the one to write it.
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Jan 29 16, 15:10
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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This is male comradeship. Therefore the poem is written by an outsider who by inferring gay has missed the point I am sure females would be no different in the reverse situation, we males would call it a sister hood rather than assume orientation Ultimately rejection is the mother of generalization Not convinced the jingle of change was your true explanation
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 29 16, 17:45
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 78
Joined: 13-November 15
Member No.: 5,294
Real Name: Krista van der Steen
Writer of: Poetry
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No generalisation was intended. In my view, we are all bisexual in a way and I adored this group of men and, yes, lamented the fact they showed no sexual interest at all, being older than them. I didn't call them gay, I just realised men stick together. Of course, the opposite situation would give a similar experience to a male. They were thoughts after wine, walking home alone.
Greenwich, not sure I like your tone of late. If one of your pieces was criticised, learn from it instead of trying to get revenge. Childish.
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