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> I'll See You in My Dreams **
Eisa
post Jul 3 17, 17:35
Post #1


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I'll See You in My Dreams

When trees darken against the sky,
she sometimes drifts through a chink
in my dream wall,
as if she had never slipped away.

The memory ogre that nibbled away
at her life – and mine - has vanished.
She appears ageless, salt and pepper curls
flicked back from slender forehead.

I’m caressed by the lilt of her Welsh
timbre, that transports me back to childhood,
when we played eyelash butterflies
and she sang Calon Lan to soothe me.

Awake, melancholy ripples over me, for she
has slithered back through the brickwork
again. Yet her aura lingers through the day
calming storms that drench me.
----------------------------------------------

Line1 was When trees blacken

L9/10 was Welsh twang


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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RC James
post Jul 4 17, 02:31
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Eira - Very beautiful - I especially like the last two stanzas and the ending is very fine:

Yet her aura lingers through the day
calming storms that drench me.

Well done - Richard
 
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Ali zonak
post Jul 4 17, 07:23
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Hi Eira;
yes those early memories live on; one just can't seem to dodge them. I wouldn't know what to suggest to improve your write--possibly, when trees darken the skyline, instead "when trees blacken . . . " 'Blacken" seems a bit too completely black. Nicely done. Ali

Just discovered a sweet English translation of Calon La. I'm a sucker for traditional verses and music.

A Pure Heart
I Don't Ask For A Luxurious Life
The World's Gold Or It's Fine Pearls
I Ask For A Happy Heart
An Honest Heart A Pure Heart
A Pure Heart Full Of Goodness
Is Fairer Than The Pretty Lily
None But A Pure Heart Can Sing
Sing In The Day And Sing In The Night
If I Wished For Worldly Wealth
It Would Swiftly Go To Seed
The Riches Of A Virtuous Pure Heart
Will Bear Eternal Profit
Evening And Morning My Wish
Rising To Heaven On The Wing Of Song
For God For The Sake Of My Saviour
To Give Me A Pure Heart



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~~~~
It is a poem’s absolute perfection that can lead to its imperfection.
~~~~
 
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greenwich
post Jul 4 17, 09:53
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Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to someone fondly remembered, calming storms that drench me.


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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
 
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Eisa
post Jul 4 17, 16:48
Post #5


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Real Name: Eira Needham
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QUOTE (RC James @ Jul 4 17, 08:31 ) *
Eira - Very beautiful - I especially like the last two stanzas and the ending is very fine:

Yet her aura lingers through the day
calming storms that drench me.

Well done - Richard


Thanks Richard, I'm so pleased you liked this.

Eira


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Eisa
post Jul 4 17, 16:56
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Mosaic Master
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From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (Ali zonak @ Jul 4 17, 13:23 ) *
Hi Eira;
yes those early memories live on; one just can't seem to dodge them. I wouldn't know what to suggest to improve your write--possibly, when trees darken the skyline, instead "when trees blacken . . . " 'Blacken" seems a bit too completely black. Nicely done. Ali

Just discovered a sweet English translation of Calon La. I'm a sucker for traditional verses and music.


Hi Ali,

I like your suggestion for that first line and will change it now. I like that you looked up the translation. It's a hymn that my Mum and Grandmother used to sing to me.

Eira


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Eisa
post Jul 4 17, 16:58
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Mosaic Master
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Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 4 17, 15:53 ) *
Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to someone fondly remembered, calming storms that drench me.


Thanks Antony. Great to hear from you.

Eira


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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greenwich
post Jul 6 17, 15:44
Post #8


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Real Name: Antony Glaser
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Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy



Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are perfect
Love chink in dream wall. This establishes the basis of the poem - weaving a dream


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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
 
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Psyche
post Jul 24 17, 23:46
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Hi Eira,
Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones.
Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation".
Just saying, take or toss!
Hugs, Syl*** butterfly.gif


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Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Eisa
post Jul 28 17, 16:52
Post #10


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 6 17, 21:44 ) *
Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are perfect
Love chink in dream wall. This establishes the basis of the poem - weaving a dream


Thanks Antony - good to hear from you.

Eira


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Eisa
post Jul 28 17, 16:59
Post #11


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (Psyche @ Jul 25 17, 05:46 ) *
Hi Eira,
Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones.
Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation".
Just saying, take or toss!
Hugs, Syl*** butterfly.gif


Hi Syl - good to hear from you.

Yes, I agree about the word 'twang' It is a word my mother used, but as you say it doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem. I'll change it.

Thanks
Hugs Eira


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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