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When Mourning Dawns, an older poem of mine |
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Nov 22 07, 18:13
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 12
Joined: 1-September 03
From: Mississippi
Member No.: 24
Real Name: Poppy
Writer of: Poetry
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When Mourning Dawns
All day your name has been against my mind and hurt me like the too frail loveliness of pear blooms in the rain.
All night my voice undefined has swung from star to star to call you back.
Tomorrow I will know that you can't come and after that I won't know anything but small hard shells against my bare feet and sand upon my lips at dawn.
*Just trying to get back into the groove of posting my work and commenting on the work of others, figured this would be a good place to start.*
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~Poppy~
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Nov 22 07, 22:28
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 2,085
Joined: 24-May 04
From: Time, Immoral
Member No.: 66
Writer of: Poetry
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Hello Poppy,
Tis a good place to be. I don't flutter around too much, but noticed your name while checking the directory. Thought I'd take a look.
Your poem is almost an aubade. I've done a couple, and get satisfaction from that subject. Nice to read another.
Merlin
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Nov 23 07, 06:31
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Hi Poppy, Wow - this is pretty intense for a 3 verse poem! It's nice to read your poetry again! It certainly echoes of a lost love of sorts, a deep hurt or longing that cannot be quenched, and the contemplation of life afterwards without this person. This is filled with lots of expression in so few lines. I really enjoy this stanza: All night my voice undefined has swung from star to star to call you back.Cheers ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 23 07, 15:42
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 12
Joined: 1-September 03
From: Mississippi
Member No.: 24
Real Name: Poppy
Writer of: Poetry
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Thank you, Merlin and Lori, for the kind comments! This is one of my own personal favorite poems that I've written, mostly because it was written during one of those moments where the words just come, with no pushing, pulling or forcing, they just come as they are.
Thanks again. I hope to hang around here a little more often.
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~Poppy~
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Nov 25 07, 09:25
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,250
Joined: 2-August 03
From: USA
Member No.: 7
Writer of: Poetry
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Hi Poppy,
This is a very touching and melancholy poem with heart as big as the sea!
I feel it!
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Guest_Xanadu_*
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Nov 25 07, 14:33
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Guest
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This was a nice read. Only a couple of pics. The first two lines of both the first and the last stanzas seem just a tad too wordy. But, I am a minimalist at heart. I love the line about the shells against your bare feet. Thank you for sharing.
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Nov 27 07, 09:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 271
Joined: 21-July 07
From: somewhere twixt 'n' tween
Member No.: 456
Real Name: Sam Richmond
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:N/A
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MissLuckyPenny; (love that name)
There was a pear orchard on the farm where I grew up. I remember the dainty petals knocked to the ground by summer rains. A personal word choice for me (unless it throws off your meter) would be blossoms in the place of blooms. It's just me, but I equate bloom with the act of blooming and blossom with the flower. I know it's used both ways, and please don't let me detract from your lovely poem. A little melancholy, but very well written.
Sam
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Values are to integrity as spirit to spirituality ... the one is needed that the other is sustained ~ Sam MM Award Winner
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Jan 5 08, 11:41
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Poppy - It's a real treat to read your work again. You have crammed a lot of emotion and images into 3 stanzas and I hope you will post some more soon. Snow
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Sep 20 08, 06:48
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Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry
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Dear Miss Lucky Penny, How close your poem here appeals to my mood. It seems it could have been written just for me. It's says so much about mourning in so few words and so it packs much power. I don't know why, but reading it has somehow lightened my mood. I now can post the piece I wrote my recently passed wife. Cheers, ron jgdittier
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Dec 2 15, 09:33
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hey, Poppy... don't know if you're reading this, since you posted your intense poem so long ago. I have so seldom visit this particular forum and in fact had forgotten about it! I just followed one of our new posters and discovered your name... and with great excitement. I do hope you'll return. So much has happened in the years in between. I've always loved your writing... and interaction. deLighting in the prospect again, Daniel
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