Sailor's Sonnet, From X10 Challenge of 5/23/09 Options

[Larry]

Sailor’s Sonnet

I read names carved on wood and stone above
an empty box containing memories
and nothing more. Held close by their true love
within the heaving breast of stormy seas.

The dead are merely visions in the eyes
of those who watched horizons from the shore
with waning hope. Decay and time denies
the prayers now wept or whispered long before.

That Sirens' song, once answered by the heart,
demands their swift return. Winds salty blast
has held her captives helpless from the start.
As cries for mercy fade into the past,

she hears no pleas from those whom she enslaves.
You can not haggle with her jealous waves



S2L4 did read: "the prayers wept now..." (Thanks Lori)
S3L1 read: "That siren's song,..." (Thanks Leo)
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Words used in order of appearance: read, names, storm(y), dead, visions, shore, decay, time, blast, haggle

[Sekhmet]

Good morning Larry - It is a sobering thought, that those carved memorials to our sailors lost at sea, are at heart, just empty boxes.
We, who have been left weeping on land, have become the lesser loves, and our beloved has returned to the arms his stronger, multiple mistresses.*

*The Sirens were generally written of as plural, (apparently, somewhere between two to five in number, depending on whether the author was Greek or Roman. ) They always appeared to act in concert. - so might you consider a small tweak?:

Those sirens' songs, once answered by the heart,
demand its swift return. Wind's salty blast,
has held their captives helpless from the start.
As cries for mercy fade into the past,


Leo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oohhh excellent Larry - I'm in love!

Thanks for posting this for feedback! I'll be along a s soon as I can to offer some thoughts.

Cheers
~Cleo

[mike in brooklyn]

Hi Larry

You certainly captured the danger of the sea
and its almost mystical lure with which it captivates
many of us.

While not a big fan of enjambment you have
pulled it off well.

I was put in mind of the sermon at the
beginning of Moby Dick, and that
very strange sailors chapel.

[jgdittier]

Dear Larry,
A fitting tribute to the sailors taken from us by the sea.
Nocely done!
Cheers, ron jgdittier

[Larry]

Hi Leo, Cleo, Mike & Ron,

Thanks for stopping in for a read.

Leo, you are correct that there was always more than one Siren. I don't know if there was more than one song though. I will make a slight tweak to " Sirens' " but leave the rest of S3L1&2 singular because it refers to the song and not the Sirens.

Ooh Lori, I'll bet you say that to all the sonneteers.

Mike, sorry about the enjambment but it is either that or end stops and for the challenge, I was limited to what words I had to use. Since coming to MM, I have found that excessive end stops are frowned upon so I try to get around that problem any way possible. Your reference to the sermon in the chapel in Moby Dick is wierd. That didn't even occur to me until you brought it up in your post. I'll check that out once more (been about 30+ years since I read it).

Ron, thanks for thumbs-up on the tribute to all lovers of the sea. She is a very dangerous mistress.

Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Leo, Cleo, Mike & Ron,

Ooh Lori, I'll bet you say that to all the sonneteers.

Larry

Ha!

Well, I have been known to be a bit of a flirt Larry. Even more so now, !

I admire the form, just very afraid to try it myself - too rigid.

On that enjambment - I suggest re-working two of the lines so the whole of it isn't all enjambments: S1L2&3 and S3L2&3.

Be back lata!
~Cleo

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Larry,

No nit from me, this is a well-crafted English sonnet, and the use of enjambments and internal caesurae keeps the flow alive.

Mark

[Larry]

Hi Lori & Mark,

Lori, when I read your comment, I went to my source (my library of Literary Master of England) and found the same type of enjambment utilized by Milton, Pope, Wordsworth, etc. and so I must decline your suggestions. This does not mean I perceive myself as being anything approaching the quality and expertise of these great men; I merely try to emulate their form as best I can.

Mark, thanks for the thumbs up on form and content. Check out my latest post for the "X10 challenges on 05/30/09" (Gift from the Gods) in sonnet form. I know there is a rough spot where I had to use one of the 10 words and the line doesn't flow like I wanted it to do.

Thanks,
Larry