Belaying Splices, trochaic tetrameter Options

[Guest_Don_*]

----- Changed first word of S2, L2 -------
Belaying Splices
   (version 01)

Hemp in pulleys ran the oceans,
sailing ships as chosen faithful
central rigging running action,
proven strong and freely able.

Made by men who swallowed anchor,
hauled the ropes for block and tackle,
left the open sea adventure.
Lubbers signed to fireside crackle

winding hawser strands together
moored ashore as hardened splices;
steady duty berth for sailors
fond of household cake and spices.

© 2004 D.E. Holmes
06 June

---------- Original --------------
Belaying Splices

Hemp in pulleys ran the oceans,
sailing ships as chosen faithful
central rigging running action,
proven strong and freely able.

Made by men who swallowed anchor,
knew the ropes for block and tackle,
left the open sea adventure.
Lubbers signed to fireside crackle

winding hawser strands together
moored ashore as hardened splices;
steady duty berth for sailors
fond of household cake and spices.

© 2004 D.E. Holmes
06 June

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hey Don! :)

I LIKE this new piece of yours - but my braincells are LOW at the moment. I need recharging with sleep.

I'll be back real soon!
Take care and cheers for now!
~Cleo

[Siren]

Hey Don,

It's great to read you again. I enjoyed this a lot. This felt like a metaphor to the wiles of writing. "block and tackle" were what gave me that  interp. Most probably I'm not on the mark, but if I am I think you did an awesome job here.

Daniah :)

[JustDaniel]

Hey, Don...

Stayin’ home to weave the riggin’
‘cause yer tired o’ solo jiggin’?
Smokin’ hemp instead o’ tacklin’
blocks fer sails?  Yer tape 'n' spacklin'?

l'Lightly t'trampin' in yer troche footsteps, Dan'l  

[AMETHYST]

Hi Don,


The wonderful sound choices make this an easy and enjoyable read. Your swift hand of alliterative decor is done with good measure. I adore the subject and the slight humor at poem end.

I also enjoyed the meter... the trochee meter offers that punch, quick jab sensation of the sea and compliments the imagery you've created.

The only fumble I felt through out was S2L2, beginning with 'knew" it didn't feel as though it followed through with the direction of thought. It could be just me.

Otherwise, a very enjoyable poem! Glad to read your work again!

Hugs, Liz

[jgdittier]

Dear Don,
Trochee meter has for me a special excitement somewhat like the throbbing breath of one involved in a great adventure. The setting here, the open sea, is a perfect choice.
Cheers,    jgd

[Guest_Don_*]

Todate I thank all readers who held their tongues and the following who did not.

Cleo_Serapis
Siren
Just Daniel
Amethyst
&
jgdittier

Laying strands is hard work Cleo, get some sound sleep.

Sorry Siren, but this is less sophisticated than one of yours.
It is about experienced sailors familiar with running rigging of sailing ships in the 1800's who gave up the sea to make necessary rope, which was life-blood of every ship.  The dreary manufactures of rope prefered to hire ex-salts who knew how it was used from experience.  So knowing the running rigging of block and tackle is what the poem says.

Thanks, Just Daniel, for the fine ditty o' y'ur own.  Lay off inhaling the Cannibus please, hemp is for sale in coils.

It is nice to welcome you aboard again, Amethyst.  I am not certain your dislike of knew the ropes for block and tackle.
The block and tackle represents the running rigging contrasted with stationary rigging.  Hemp was prefered material for running rigging.  And as mentioned to Siren above, employers liked to hire sailors knowledgable of running rigging.  

How about ran replacing knew?

Thank you, jgdittier.  I will endeavor to remember that trochee is for excitement.

If anyone desires to add insights, please do so.

Don

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Don!  :wave:

This is such a refreshing piece to read again!  :troy:

My only nits are in these lines below:

Hemp in pulleys ran the oceans,
AND
Made by men who swallowed anchor,
AND
knew the ropes for block and tackle,

I keep reading the first line above as:
Hemp in pulleys swam the oceans - I do not quite understand the correlation of the word 'ran' here?

On L2 above, is this a sailing expression: swallowed anchor?

On L3 above, the word knew is a kicker. I like your suggestion to Liz for ran instead.  :pharoah2

Thanks Don!
Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Don!  

This is such a refreshing piece to read again!  

My only nits are in these lines below:

Hemp in pulleys ran the oceans,
AND
Made by men who swallowed anchor,
AND
knew the ropes for block and tackle,

I keep reading the first line above as:
Hemp in pulleys swam the oceans - I do not quite understand the correlation of the word 'ran' here?

On L2 above, is this a sailing expression: swallowed anchor?

On L3 above, the word knew is a kicker. I like your suggestion to Liz for ran instead.  :pharoah2

Thanks Don!
Cheers!
~Cleo  

Hi Cleo,

Hemp ran the oceans is a slider.  That material was predominantly in sailing ship running rigging.  The word ran also alludes to sailing the oceans.

I will probably change knew to ran and run the gauntlet of objections to using it twice in a short piece.

Yes, "swallowed anchor" is jargon for sailors who have given up sea duty. "hardened splices" is also sailor jargon for married (and less so settling down).

Thanks for asking.  Hope we have oiled the water well enough.

Your finding it refreshing leaves me with a big smile.

Don

[Aphrodite]

Hello Don~

I enjoyed your interesting sea adventure poem and the thoughtful imagery and metaphors within.

"Made by men who swallowed anchor,
knew the ropes for block and tackle,
left the open sea adventure.
Lubbers signed to fireside crackle"****super!

Smooth sailing~
Lindi

[Cybele]

Good Morning Don,

Having read all your explanations of naval jargon I am now able to fully appreciate this poem, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading.

The rhythm, while nautical - reminding me of a sailing ship cutting through the waves also reminded me of Longfellow"s 'Hiawatha', a piece I really love.

My favourite line has to be:

Lubbers signed to fireside crackle

and your last line is great

fond of household cake and spices.

I am a great lover of the sea and tall ships and really enjoyed this poem.

May I just suggest that if writing a speciallist piece such as this, you add and addendum of explanation of the technical terms. That way when land lubbers read a piece like this they are not bemused and can more readily appreciate the quality of your work?

Love

Grace

[Guest_Don_*]

Dear Cybele,

Thank you very much.  I sincerely appreciate your comments.

When I began writing poetry I used author's comments to outline unusual items within the poem of history, mythology, math or other jargon.  
Most of my verse contains technical info the average person is unlikely to encounter.

THEN I learned that adding explanations is poor practice and marks a poor poet.

After avoiding such addendums I decided poor poet or not, I should write them.  Partial reasoning is the oddity of my tropes, how many people personalize rope, tissue, quarks, atoms and black holes?  Most important justification is that significant number of readers (you are latest on the list) have overtly asked for or expressed enjoyment of being apprised of the inner information.

In truth "Belaying Splices" is a condensed summary of an article within a high-class nautical magazine article.

I asked a few first readers whether or not they understood the poem.  Since they said they did, I felt speciality jargon to be less special.  Despite surface assurance, I should have listened to my gut-feel doubt. 

Thanks again for reading and commenting.

Don   :pharoah2

[Guest_Don_*]

To all,

Thanks to those who fine tuned this poem into contest quality.
If Belaying Splices is within one of your chapbooks you may want to note the following:

I received a letter dated April 6, 2005, from Edison Writer's Club.
Within was notification of 3rd place Adult Poetry category in the Edison Writer's Club 2005 Spring Fiction & Poetry Contest.

I plan to attend their invitation to Spring Reading (May 12, 2005) for awards, picture taking, refreshments, and open mike coffeehouse style reading at Edison Community College, Piqua, Ohio (USA).

Thank you everyone for making this honor reality.

Don

[JustDaniel]

Trochaic, heart-felt congratulations, Don!

not Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Congratulations, Don, and a lovely surprise for those of us who had not seen this work before.

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Congratulations Don.  You will have to post a picture of you receiving your award.

Well done

Nina

[Guest_Don_*]

Congratulations Don.  You will have to post a picture of you receiving your award.

Well done

Nina

That's a thought.

I'll try to remember to ask for a copy, which can be scanned by our daughter.  Someone please provide protocol to put it here at MM.

Thanks for your sincere congratulations.  I think it is the novelty of trochaic meter that won the day.

For levity, a way to win a contest is throw enough shit into the fan and some is bond to strike someplace.

Don

[jgdittier]

Dear Don,
Congratulations indeed.
Your blue ribbon piece , I believe, is most due to your using trochaic.
I agree with those who prefer supportive definitions and explanations with poems likely to confuse.
I ask those who teach that footnotes are bad practice, exactly why.
Cheers,     jgd

[Guest_Don_*]

Dear Don,
Congratulations indeed.
Your blue ribbon piece , I believe, is most due to your using trochaic.
I agree with those who prefer supportive definitions and explanations with poems likely to confuse.
I ask those who teach that footnotes are bad practice, exactly why.
Cheers,     jgd

Hi jgdittier,

We are in total agreement on both counts.  Knowing that much could not have been understood by the judges the bias for winning must have been trochaic.

Perhaps the poetry world would rather wean us away from poems requiring footnotes or author's comments.  On the otherhand English professors will expend large lecture segments on explaining someone's work.  I am willing to guess your query is seldom answered, if ever, satisfactorily.

I believe readers determine the meanings to suit themselves, which is outside author's control.  However, it seems to me certain basics should be provided for guidance.  

When I create my own chapbooks I include author's notes.  When submitting to a contest, I comply to their rules.

Thanks for your visit and chat.

Don

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello Don.

I knew this was a winner when I first read it!

CONGRATS!

If you'd like, please email me a .jpeg or .gif image file of your award and I can post it on MM for you.

P.S. This will be a great addition to Syntax & Musings!

Cheers!
~Cleo :)