Baptism Options

[Ephiny]

Baptism

A neighbour told her it was a fairy fort.
She would not step close but often stopped by the gentle slope of the ground.
She wondered why no one would ever search for what might be down there,
Undisturbed, by mild cows and dancing lambs of late Spring.
She thought the falling of the light was accidental,
But felt in that same ground
A longing that would haunt future dreams,
A silence that was grief and prayer and childish pleasures.

Later she would learn to let the sun fall on her face
And what it was that had been placed there,
And the guardians that had been somehow chosen.
No one would dig or even come too close.
They denounced what they felt in that earth,
But respected, all the same.

Later she would understand that longing and return.
It would be some autumns later and gold would sparkle
On the trees.
She would smell herbs and hay and smoke and cold
Mists spreading over the purple bog land.
She would see the ghosts of large stones,
And wonder if someone regrets their destruction.
She would look up once, and know
How the light was planned to fall, just once and just
For someone who needed to know that
The spirits in her dreams had somewhere.

Slowly she would approach,
And retribution would wait, slowly, carefully.
She would weep for what she now knew
And bend to place her hands on the earth.
Night and morning would by now be entangled
In time and space and that same cold mist.
She would never tell anyone what she felt.
The lost guardians of that land ensured its safety,
Allotting its places and safeguards
For nothing more or less than lost love
Or secret love,
Or faithful love.

These things linger.
It is where we get our ghost stories,
It is when we shiver and shrug away unwanted knowledge,
It is why we forget our dreams.

And old men passing the road avert their eyes.
It is Sunday and they have no time for Pagan things,
Yet all the same, this is the place next year's tractor will avoid
And enclosures for animals will find themselves further away each year.
Bad luck.
And no glances from those attending the spring births late at night.

Those pretending they understand this longing
Will wait until they do
.And choose....

[Guest__*]

Only in the auld country, Lucie. And haven't you been kissing the Blarney Stone again.

This is an enchanting tale, with imaginary leprechauns hiding under every bush, and the banshees wailing over there in the mist.

(I know a leprechaun, and he tells me things mortal ears should never hear)

I think because of the way you presented your story, it would tell the tale better with more punctuation and losing unnecessary  capitals at the start of every line. Tell it as a story poem, and let it flow like the moonlight on the Liffey.
God Bless this thread and all who read it.

Hugz

Tom
.

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Lucie,
oh' to be Irish and understand this better. Maybe leprechaun Tom can visit me and explain. You just made it sound all to real.
Larry

[Ephiny]

Tom and Larry,

Thanks a million for replying..the suggestion about the punctuation and capital letters is great, and I'm going to get working on it.  I'm ashamed to say I've never seen the Blarney stone!!  But I am lucky that the place where I live is full of stories and myths (and who knows maybe even an odd leprechaun!!)

[Guest__*]

What! You've never kissed the Blarney Stone ?
Heaven help us when you do.  


maybe even an odd leprechaun!!

If he happens to be Michael MacManamus McGonagle, say hello for me

Michael hangs around a holy place called Knock, which I think is in County Mayo.

Hugz

Tom

[Ephiny]

Hi Tom!

Hope you are having a nice weekend.  

I know Knock only too well so I'll keep a lookout for that particular leprechaun!!

[Guest__*]

Dear Tom

I have kissed the blarney stone, and still have the bad back to prove it. That was 47 years ago !

Love
Alan

[Guest__*]

Kiss it again dear boy !

The effects are wearing off.      

(You will lead with your chin)  


Tom

[Arnfinn]

Hi Ya Lucie.


Hmmmmmmm.........Yep!.....There is a lot of the Irish colleen about this piece ....to be sure. Have ye got the second sight lassie

Me ol' mate M/Aged Tom... had a few bright suggestions

I like the mystery about the ol' fairy fort...Sumthin sinister going on actually.
When everybody's keeping away from the joint.

Nothing like a bit of strange happenings from the Emerald Isle


Keep em coming gal.




Arnie

[Cybele]

Good Morning Ephiny,

What an enchanting tale. As Tom says a story poem.
I can imagine this being read to small children on a cold winter's night in front of a roaring fire (peat in this case!!)

Lovely wording here,I am going to save to read again at my leisure. I am part Irish and love the songs and tales of Ireland. More please Ephiny

By the way, what a beatiful name Ephiny is. Does it have a meaning?

Love

Grace

[Athena]

Delightful prosetry, Ephiny,

Blimey!  You are speaking from the land o' me heritage!  I knew this poem rang a bell or two in my soul!  

On first read, I would agree with our Sir Thomas about the punctuation and capitals.  I'm a purist when it comes to such things and I do believe Tom is, too.  It's even been whispered behind closed doors that he or I, or both of us, are members of the Cap-Punct Police, ya know!  Shhhh don't tell anyone!    

I'll be back later to see what revisions you've decided on.
Keep up the good work!

May your blessings keep ya facing in the right directions!

Athena/Dolly    

[Guest_Aurora_*]

Hi Lucie,

Your poem is so enchantingly beautiful. I love it! While reading it, it swept me away from my busy day, thanks. I do feel it would read much better as a story poem with some minor punctuation and become even more captivating. Wonderful poem, Angelina~

[Ephiny]

Thanks very much for commenting everyone and I will post the finished product, I think the punctuation changes will help a lot and maybe just help the meaning and structure a bit.  Thanks so much for all your help and lovely comments