 On My Mind(Revision1), Senryu |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies  |
 Sep 12 11, 20:06
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in  |
On My Mind (Revision 1)
There's a lovers' moon. Just saw it a while ago. Do you see it too? Peggy On My Mind There's a lovers' moon. Just saw it a bit ago. Do you see it too? Peggy Senryu Review: First line: 5 syllables Second line: 7 syllables Third line: 5 syllables Content: illuminates or explicates human nature ·······  ······· |
  
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Sep 13 11, 02:03
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#2
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Peggy,
My goodness, what an invitation ! Lovely. Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Sep 13 11, 07:17
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#3
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
What a lovely thought, Peggy.
I'll dial in to the lover's lunar link tonight - see if it works.  Hugz Wally ······· ······· |
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Sep 13 11, 10:28
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#4
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Alan and Wally,
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!!! Glad you enjoyed the poem!!!! Skyward Gazing Peggy ······· ······· |
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Sep 14 11, 18:37
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#5
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
I love the sentiments here, Peggy.
Possibly Just saw it a while ago. for the middle line - just a thought. Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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Sep 15 11, 08:13
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#6
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Snow,
Wow!!! I like "WHILE" better!! Thanks so much!!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Sep 15 11, 11:41
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#7
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Good work Peggy...and see that you have inspired Thoth, too! Bev ······· ······· |
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Sep 15 11, 12:25
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#8
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Bev,
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!!! And I'm glad you like it!!! Yes, Wally wrote a senryu for 9/11 too, and I think it very fine, don't you? Take care! Peggy ······· ······· |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Sep 15 11, 12:42
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#9
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Peggy, A lovers moon is always the best kind, I love exploring the lunar surface with my telescope. But I really prefer to lie out on a warm summers night with my loved one next to me and just be amazed at God's wonders.
Steve |
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Sep 15 11, 19:50
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#10
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Lying on the grass with your true love looking up at the moon sounds divine !!! Wish I were!!!!!!!!
Peggy ······· ······· |
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Sep 15 11, 22:59
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#11
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Steve,
Should have also told you that tonight it's raining, so even if my true love were here we'd have to postpone the moon gazing. Peggy ······· ······· |
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Sep 16 11, 08:19
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#12
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,591 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Greetings, Peggy....
sorry that it's been a while since I was in this forum. I love writing haiku/senryu... and of course my own 'faux-ku' as well. I like the idea of this one very much. I'd like to play with it a little, if you don't mind. [ and by the way, it's important to understand that the syllabic count is usually seen as 5-7-5 OR LESS... and that it's normally shorter. You'll want to remember also that, unlike my faux-ku, haiku/senryu do NOT have titles, so if you want that 'on my mind' idea, you'll have to insert it within one of the lines of the senryu-proper. QUOTE (Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ Sep 12 11, 21:06 )  On My Mind (Revision 1) There's a lovers' moon. Just saw it a while ago. Do you see it too? Peggy Maybe something like this? a lover's moon... is your mind there along with mine? Senryu Review: First line: 5 syllables Second line: 7 syllables Third line: 5 syllables ..... or less also... Two of the lines form one snapshot; the other line juxtaposes another snapshot of the same moment in time from a different vantage point. Content: illuminates or explicates human nature deLighting in your sharing, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner    |
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Sep 16 11, 17:00
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#13
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Sep 16 11, 09:19 ) Greetings, Peggy.... sorry that it's been a while since I was in this forum. I love writing haiku/senryu... and of course my own 'faux-ku' as well. I like the idea of this one very much. I'd like to play with it a little, if you don't mind. [ and by the way, it's important to understand that the syllabic count is usually seen as 5-7-5 OR LESS... and that it's normally shorter. You'll want to remember also that, unlike my faux-ku, haiku/senryu do NOT have titles, so if you want that 'on my mind' idea, you'll have to insert it within one of the lines of the senryu-proper. QUOTE (Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ Sep 12 11, 21:06 ) On My Mind (Revision 1) There's a lovers' moon. Just saw it a while ago. Do you see it too? Peggy Hi Daniel, Thank you for commenting. Personally I like the 5 7 5 rigid requirement and will keep using it. In this regard, I'm going to use Frost's "tennis without a net" comparison. Again, thank you for the time and attention to my poem! Peggy Maybe something like this? a lover's moon... is your mind there along with mine? Senryu Review: First line: 5 syllables Second line: 7 syllables Third line: 5 syllables ..... or less also... Two of the lines form one snapshot; the other line juxtaposes another snapshot of the same moment in time from a different vantage point. Content: illuminates or explicates human nature deLighting in your sharing, Daniel ······· ······· |
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