Hi, James,
I feel some of the vocabulary choices let this down a little, but a few judicious changes could help it to sparkle.
QUOTE
I seek
neither glory nor fame,
the trademarks of youth
I have problems with 'trademarks' here; the seeking is the trademark imo and better choices would include talismans/ambitions/targets or some similar word.
QUOTE
In shipyards lay
long forgotten ships
painted with rust
and streaks
of seagull artistry
In l.1, I would have used 'lie' rather than 'lay' but that is just a personal preference, not a nit per se. My real concern is with the 'seagull artistry'; I know exactly what you mean, just feel there is a better way of saying it, perhaps 'seagull-tagged graffitti' or similar?
QUOTE
Their frames
are built
to carry heavy loads
It's 'heavy' here that gives me pause since it doesn't really contribute anything; if you used the comparative 'heavier' it can refer back to the rust/graffitti
and the glory/fame lines.
Just my thoughts of course, yours to use or lose as usual,
Jim