 drifting cloud, haiku, with haiga link |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
 Jun 7 07, 22:46
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 Babylonian  Posts: 103 Joined: 18-April 07 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 421 Real Name: laryalee fraser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Kathy Earsman  |
drifting cloud --
a beach umbrella clicks open I had fun giving this haiku a different feel by using it in a haiga: http://laryalee.users.sunwave.net/07test3.htm  Lary (I'm going to have little time to spend here during the last two weeks in June...a major family reunion is planned...I'm quite excited about it!) |
  
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| Guest_Kathy_* |
Jun 7 07, 23:43
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What a gorgeous photograph, Lary. Love it.
Best wishes for your family reunion. |
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Jun 8 07, 00:11
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
We hope to see pictures of the reunion! :) Have a great time and make lots of wonderful memories, by spending time sharing old ones and catching up with everyone. It is the greatest gift a family reunion to give.
Blessings to you ... Hugs, liz ·······  ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner           |
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Jun 8 07, 11:14
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#4
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Egyptian Posts: 388 Joined: 26-October 03 From: Southeast USA Member No.: 37 Real Name: Jan Writer of: Poetry |
Gorgeous work, Lary!
I love the photo and your thoughts expressed. Jan ······· ······· |
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Jun 9 07, 00:45
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#5
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Babylonian Posts: 103 Joined: 18-April 07 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 421 Real Name: laryalee fraser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Kathy Earsman |
Thanks, Kathy...
how I'd like to be able to slow time down... to savor every moment longer! Thanks, Liz! Yes, it will be precious...children and grandchildren... joy after joy! Hi Jan, I'm so pleased you like it! My intent with the haiku itself, was to show the cloud drifting, but which direction? Then, hopefully, with the umbrella, the reader sees that the cloud is moving away... Lary |
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Jun 9 07, 06:01
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Lary!
 What a lovely image you've presented, literally and visually!  My only question on the the poem (as I'm still in the learning curve with haiku) is this: drifting cloud -- a beach umbrella clicks open Is it ok to 'show' a click rather than 'say' it clicks open in haiku? Or could you personify the clicking somehow, like 'spreads its arms' or 'arms open wide'? Or is it not desirable in haiku? Have a wonderful time at your reunion and make many memories to share with us! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner   |
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Jun 9 07, 09:22
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#7
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Egyptian Posts: 388 Joined: 26-October 03 From: Southeast USA Member No.: 37 Real Name: Jan Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Lary,
Another thought: If the umbrella clicks open, could not the cloud be moving in to produce rain? Hmm...  Jan ······· ······· |
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Jun 9 07, 22:59
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#8
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Babylonian Posts: 103 Joined: 18-April 07 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 421 Real Name: laryalee fraser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Kathy Earsman |
Hi Cleo,
you raise a good question... I prefer the direct action. (And I would not personify it...) I could say... drifting cloud -- a beach umbrella opens But I like sounds, so I added the click, lol! Thanks for your warm thoughts! Hi Jan... oh of course...I never thought of that! I hate the heat so much, that I use an umbrella to protect from the sun, and we don't get much rain during beach season. But you've given this a different reading, and that's just super! (A haiku is only as valid as the reader makes it!)  Lary |
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Jun 10 07, 09:06
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#9
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Egyptian Posts: 388 Joined: 26-October 03 From: Southeast USA Member No.: 37 Real Name: Jan Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Lary,
Our world is so interesting. We often get thunderstorms, or even rain showers, during our beach season, so the umbrella's click can be heard as clouds drift in or away.  Jan ······· ······· |
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