 Response to June 14th's 10-word challenge, modified ballad meter |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Jun 20 08, 07:57
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry  |
My 'puter screen is grey with gloom
as twilight after sunset. Exasperation fills the room with echoes not begun yet. In desperation, recklessly, I write in words mal-scented Deploying syls so fecklessly, the odor's if fermented. This requiem I'd never pick, to post it, I'm ashamed! Don't favor it, it's thick as brick I think I'll stay unnamed! ANon. gloom, twilight, sunset, echoes, reckless, scented, requiem, pick, favorite, unnamed ·······  ······· |
  
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Jun 22 08, 19:36
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Ron,
Not ballade - only ballad. Don't confuse the 2. Ballade is a French form of 3 verses, 8 lines each, plus envoy. Scheme is ababbcbc for the stanzas, and bcbc for the envoy. Variations exits. Ballad is much easier. Kudos for doing a challenge, and pulling it off without making it obvious. BTW, pewter is supposed to be grey (L1). I'm not understanding L8, and don't know if you have a typo. Best Merlin ······· ······· |
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Jun 23 08, 06:12
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#3
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Merlin,
Ballad- my learning for the day! I use fermented as in organic chemistry where breakdown products of disagreeable odor form. It's fermentation too that makes bakeries smell so good. Cheers, Ron ······· ······· |
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Jun 28 08, 00:13
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#4
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Ron,
Nice to see you doing a challenge. I recommend them to all poets. That line : the odor's if fermented. could more easily be : odor's as if fermented. Nice humour too, and WORTHY of your signature ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Jun 28 08, 12:18
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#5
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Congrats, as usual, Ron! Your light verse is wonderful, and from a 10 word challenge...wow!!!
I take it that 'puter screen' is your PC screen. Merlin, I read your comments and also learnt the difference between ballad & ballade, very handy! But is that a joke about pewter? I wish I could see your face...LOL... with echoes not begun yet. Could this line go in positive? Like: 'with echoes uncertain yet'.... or erratic, abeyant, nomadic. Take or toss!! the odor's if fermented. I don't understand this line, even with your explanation. It makes me stumble. No, none of that Anon stuff!!! Well done! Cheers, Syl*** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Jun 28 08, 12:53
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#6
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Alan,
the Odor's IF ferMENTed That's the way I read it. I suspect that is not the way others read it. There is the rub. First, I am attempting to maintain the established -/-/-/- Second, I'm assuming the "odor's" will be interpreted by the reader as "odor is as". Only those whose poetic licenses are equivalent to mine won't stumble! Dear Syl, Merlin is just being Merlin. He uses ''puter" often and so , I think, is joshing me with the metal, pewter. Fermentation is an organic reaction which can lead to nasty odors. Usually we think of sugar and yeast reacting. I think wine that's gone sour is a case. Cheers, Ron ······· ······· |
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Jul 24 08, 07:04
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#7
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Syl,
Your poetic license must be of minimal coverage and possibly in fine greek print! My very best rhyme in the whole exercize was sunset/begun yet!!! However, I'll recover. Cheers, ron jgdittier ······· ······· |
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