Sighs Over Silver Sands ~ REVISED Sept 29, 06, Wizard Award ~ Quatern Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

This poem was inspired by Poppy's 'A Poem is'.  She graciously gave me permission to use one of her lines.  Thank you Poppy!

Thanks to Snow, Daniel, John and Steve for help with the revision!

Sighs Over Silver Sands ~ Revision 1

Sighs over silver sands in spring
shall whisper with far-flung finesse;
shy blush of dawn in flirty fling,
lawns boasting lime-frocked gauzy dress.

Soft winds that kiss sweet meadows green
sigh over silver sands in spring,
while moistened dewdrops primp and preen
upon a buoyant zephryed swing.

Soon seasoned hearts take feathered wing,
drift o'er the land to muse new dreams,
sighs over silver sands in spring
shall sallie forth elysian streams.

Wind-blown, rainbowed, sun-hued success,
as tulips bloom and poppies sing
of gentle warmths that truly bless
sighs over silver sands in spring.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright April2006




Sighs Over Silver Sands ~ Original

Sighs over silver sand in spring
will whisper with far-flung finesse;
while blushing dawn in flirty fling
shows trees well-frocked in gauzy dress.

Soft winds that kiss sweet meadows green
sigh over silver sands in spring,
while moistened dewdrops primp and preen
upon a buoyant zephryed swing.

Then seasoned hearts take feathered wing,
drift o'er the land to seed new dreams,
sigh over silver sands in spring
to sallie forth in sun-fed streams.

Full-blown, ballooned, fine-tuned success,
as tulips bloom and poppies sing
of gentle warmths that surely bless,
sighs over silver sands in spring.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright April2006

S1 L2 - are whispering far-flung finesse
S1 L3 - with blush of dawn in flirty fling
S1 L4 - as trees are frocked in gauzy dress

[Peterpan]

Phew Cathy!
This is a wonderful welcome to Spring! The rhythm adds to the beauty of the poem.
I enjoyed every word and read it through a few times to make sure I understood your layered imagery. Really, an Ode to Spring in its best form.
I cant see any place where I would suggest any change.
You really are a master!

PP

:)

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Oh my!  Thank you for the generous compliment PP!  
I don't believe I deserve it but thank you!

Cathy

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

A beautiful example of the form Cathy the sibilant alliteration accentuates the charm of the message Excellent ivor

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thank you Ivor!

[JustDaniel]

... sighs Ivor over sib'lant strains!

deLightingly appreciating your quaterning of phrases, Daniel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thank you Daniel!

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Sighs Over Silver Sands ~ Quatern

Sighs over silver sand in spring
are whispering far-flung finesse; (How do you whisper a finesse? and if you do shouldit not be plural [finesse's]) this is just my two cents.
with blush of dawn in flirty fling
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

Soft winds that kiss sweet meadows green
sigh over silver sands in spring,
while moistened dewdrops primp and preen
upon a buoyant zephryed swing.

Then seasoned hearts take feathered wing,
drift o'er the land to seed new dreams,
sigh over silver sands in spring
to sallie forth in sun-fed streams.

Full-blown, ballooned, fine-tuned success,
as tulips bloom and poppies sing
of gentle warmths that surely bless,
sighs over silver sands in spring.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright April2006

Except for that one line cathy I love the piece, great read.
Steve

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Sighs over silver sand in spring
are whispering far-flung finesse; (How do you whisper a finesse? and if you do shouldit not be plural [finesse's]) this is just my two cents.
with blush of dawn in flirty fling
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

Hmmmm ... I'll have to think about that one. *smiles*

Thanks Steve!

Cathy

[JustDaniel]

I think Steve is right, Cat... so to stimulate your thinking some more, let me just jumble things up to stimulate your thinking. I know how hard it is to break away from word order once it settles in our minds:

Sighs over silver sand in spring
all whisper with far-flung finesse,
while blushing dawn in flirty fling
shows trees fresh frocked in gauzy dress.

stirrin' Lightly, Daniel

[JLY]

Cathy,
I read this over and over; it is simply a wonderful piece. I can't think of anything significant I would change.

I particularly liked this line:
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

This is a great harbinger of the wonders that "spring" before us.

JLY

[Eisa]

Hi Cathy

This is awesome and I really enjoyed your song to spring.

Sighs over silver sand in spring
are whispering far-flung finesse;
with blush of dawn in flirty fling
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

The last line is my favourite ~ what a lovely image.

I can see what Steve means here and I was thinking along the same lines as Daniel for 'fixing' this.
'all whisper with far-flung finesse'

A great stanza to draw the reader in.

Soft winds that kiss sweet meadows green
sigh over silver sands in spring,
while moistened dewdrops primp and preen
upon a buoyant zephryed swing.

I really like the sound of 'primp and preen', but feel they might have the same meaning, making one redundant.

Then seasoned hearts take feathered wing,
drift o'er the land to seed new dreams,
sigh over silver sands in spring
to sallie forth in sun-fed streams.

Full-blown, ballooned, fine-tuned success,
as tulips bloom and poppies sing
of gentle warmths that surely bless,
sighs over silver sands in spring.

Your alliteration is brilliant all through this ~ the first 2 lines here are excellent in that respect.

Well, there really is nothing to fault here ~ well written.

Snow

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Daniel,

I think Steve is right, Cat... so to stimulate your thinking some more, let me just jumble things up to stimulate your thinking. I know how hard it is to break away from word order once it settles in our minds:


QUOTE(Cathy @ Apr 20 06, 12:13 )

Sighs over silver sand in spring
all whisper with far-flung finesse,
while blushing dawn in flirty fling
shows trees fresh frocked in gauzy dress.

It sure can be! Once I get something written down it seems to be 'locked in'. LOL I like the suggestions you've offered though ... thanks!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

Cathy,
I read this over and over; it is simply a wonderful piece. I can't think of anything significant I would change.

I particularly liked this line:
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

This is a great harbinger of the wonders that "spring" before us.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've always liked the word 'frock' but I don't often have a way to use it. Maybe a couple of times ... I am flattered that you couldn't find anything that you might change. That doesn't happen often! LOL

Thanks for dropping in ...

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Snow,

Hi Cathy

This is awesome and I really enjoyed your song to spring.

Thank you!

Sighs over silver sand in spring
are whispering far-flung finesse;
with blush of dawn in flirty fling
as trees are frocked in gauzy dress.

The last line is my favourite ~ what a lovely image.

Thanks!

I can see what Steve means here and I was thinking along the same lines as Daniel for 'fixing' this.
'all whisper with far-flung finesse'

A great stanza to draw the reader in.

I am working on it. We'll see where it goes! lol

Soft winds that kiss sweet meadows green
sigh over silver sands in spring,
while moistened dewdrops primp and preen
upon a buoyant zephryed swing.

I really like the sound of 'primp and preen', but feel they might have the same meaning, making one redundant.

Could be! I'll give it some thought.

Then seasoned hearts take feathered wing,
drift o'er the land to seed new dreams,
sigh over silver sands in spring
to sallie forth in sun-fed streams.

Full-blown, ballooned, fine-tuned success,
as tulips bloom and poppies sing
of gentle warmths that surely bless,
sighs over silver sands in spring.

Your alliteration is brilliant all through this ~ the first 2 lines here are excellent in that respect.

Thanks!

Well, there really is nothing to fault here ~ well written.

Thanks again! Another

I'm glad you enjoyed it Snow~
Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Snow!

I checked out 'primp' and 'preen'.

Primp - dress or groom with elaborate care.

Preen - dress or groom with elaborate care; pride or congratulate oneself for an achievement; clean with one's bill.

lol I think it will work!

Cathy

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

Sometimes revisions cause a loss of spontaneity not so with this one The final version is a delight to read aloud Alliterative and melodic congratulations my lady

[JustDaniel]

Well, Poppy comes, an' poppy goes, but in 'er place more flowers grow, an' birdies come ta pick 'er seeds ta spread 'em out among the weeds... relax a bit ta primp an' preen upon a lake or on a green... and when they's done, look what ya find: fat feast on which our Cat 'as dined!

In other words... I like yer inspriation an' the gussyin' up ya done with it!

deLightin' in yer writin', Dan'l


P.S. C'd ya nibble a bit on my pasta piece down there afore it goes 'n' dis'pars?

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Sometimes revisions cause a loss of spontaneity not so with this one The final version is a delight to read aloud Alliterative and melodic congratulations my lady

Thank you kind sir! *smiles*

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thanks Daniel!